I Spent A Lot Of Time Trying To Figure Out What To Put Here And Finally Gave Up

in #outofthinair7 months ago

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This isn't about a pentagon shaped driving range captured from the rooftop of a hotel somewhere outside Las Vegas, Nevada.

It's not about sex on the beach, either, which is a cocktail as well as the result of a potentially irritable and extremely sensitive skin discomfort.

It's about getting away with murder.


Don't murder someone you know. Law enforcement will conduct an investigation and ask questions. They'll do things like interview people closest to the victim by going through their text messages and social media. If you've ever engaged in conversation with them either in real life or virtually, you'll likely make the suspect list and subject yourself to interrogation. Your murder victim should be random.

Don't do it in public. With the number of CCTV cameras lurking around, odds are you'll be captured on camera either during the crime, before, or while fleeing the scene. Your best chance at avoiding video surveillance is by murdering your random victim in the privacy of their own home. Also, eye witness testimony can be damaging. Avoid the possibility of neighbors detecting you by doing all of your breaking and entering through the rear of the home at night.

Surgical gloves and facial disguise. Each are mandatory and should be worn at all times but that doesn't erase the possibility of leaving behind DNA evidence. In order to ensure you leave no trace evidence behind, shave off all of your body hair with a razor prior to committing the murder. Head to toe, all of it, even your eyebrows.

Wear the wrong size shoes. Crime scene investigators will document foot tracks outside the residence at point of entry. Purchase a brand new pair of shoes to be worn during the homicide only and get a size or two larger than your normal foot size.

Tyvek coveralls. It's a full-body jumpsuit to be worn over your clothing commonly worn by hazardous material handlers. Duct tape the sleeves to your gloves and legs to your socks preventing any possibility of your body sweat contaminating the scene.

Purchase supplies with cash only. No plastic transactions to avoid leaving behind an identifying paper trail. Use common sense when purchasing single-use murder supplies to be burned immediately afterward and raise your hand if you think I watch too many true crime documentaries.

"Guilty!"

There's no shortage of them either. Every night there's a new one about a husband who killed his wife or married guy who killed his pregnant mistress. There's Australian narrators, English narrators, American narrators, and they're all covering different murder cases from all around the world. I've never seen the same episode twice. There's an abundance of solved and unsolved murders waiting to be watched, it's how I fall asleep. I gave it a rest a couple months ago.

Lately I've been watching doorbell cam footage, seen any of those? Punch 𝚌𝚛𝚊𝚣𝚢 𝚍𝚘𝚘𝚛𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚌𝚊𝚖 𝚏𝚘𝚘𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚎 into your YouTube search bar or 𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚘𝚗 𝚍𝚘𝚘𝚛𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚌𝚊𝚖𝚜 if you haven't already and prepare to see shit you wouldn't believe had it not been recorded. I'm already getting into repeats, though, damn criminals! It didn't take long for them to begin recognizing doorbell cams prior to attempting to commit a crime and instead are filmed hurriedly vacating the property.

So now that I'm on repeat doorbell cam footage and recently decided against falling asleep to true crime documentaries because I'm confident I can beat murder charges, I switched up my bedtime programming. We don't have a TV, haven't since about 2016, these are the types of stimulating content I put on the iPad while laying in bed to assure some quality rest.

Z z z z z

I figure there's no better time than now to sharpen up my litigation expertise. Since beating murder charges is a cinch and I know what to look for as far as doorbell and peep hole cams, I've been falling asleep lately while tuning up my courtroom skills by tuning in to Judge Judy.

G'night!


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Killer post. Glad I checked in and looked for an new one and saw this.

Yeah man judge Judy is awesome

Fun fact. Back home I got buddies who've tried to embarrass me over the years about how I fall asleep to Judge Judy (Judge J how I call her) but I own it! I'll go off on a side tangent about how the show teaches you how the law works and how to speak to a judge, appropriate courtroom attire and what is relevant verses what's not and how hearsay defines, stuff like that, after awhile I got their attention and eventually I'm not the only one watching Judge J

Thanks GankaFarmer, I'm glad you enjoyed this one.

You're very welcome and absolutely you can learn a lot of things if you pay attention...

Wear leather gloves over surgical gloves as surgical gloves can be thin enough to create your fingerprint.
And nevervgo to the fridge and make a sandwich....or work your way through the drinks cabinet before taking a nap...

Its a bit like chess really...

You've been getting some quality rest too eh?

There was a couple deciding factors that made me cut off the how to get away with murder tips and switch focus to doorbell cams when I did but absolutely never murder on a full stomach was one of them.

so this could be the reason why you left the American Dream Island ;-)
black or white
dead or alive
Just have to wait for @stevenson7 's second comment
I thought his job was to protect me form stalking, now I learned he has a NEW job!!!!! can you believe?

One day he's a photographer, then a priest, next is a private security guard and now his schedule prevents him from getting back over here. I know one thing's for sure, he's a Tupac fan cuz he gets around.


Good morning my favorite Ecency curator and, no, I don't say that to everyone! American Dream Island was a lot of fun it's just American Nightmare Island doesn't have a curfew or require a signed affidavit and isn't regulated by PG-13 laws. =}

Have you ever posed for a camera on here? I got this 6 foot tall, long brown haired, heart-shaped sunglasses & chef hat wearing princess image in my head when you stop by. How accurate am I?

Thank you @beeber <3

I don't think I've seen a more accurate depiction of me by a hive user than this

Wow

You've outdone yourself with this one my good sir 🤣🤣

Wow, you think, Stevenson isnt hanging around with us because he takes foam baths? oooo mmm gggg! ;-)

In fact there have been - I think - 3 photos hidden somewhere in my more then 300 postings hehe

Yikes! I thought 300 was a movie.

No way you guys had a full blown conversation here and I wasn't there 🤣🤣🤣

My new job truly has taken all the time. It's past 9pm now, I'm home, tired, and about crash as I will have to be up early tomorrow again, (no more late night) 🥲

Fear not milady, I'm always here to protect you

At some point I was starting to trust @dandays but not with this post, NO 🤣

Oh my Superhero 🧡
You know, there is a maximum of 1/3 of population working, soooo.... hmmm, somebody has to be this third 😏
But hope you like the new job and wish you good sleep

❤️

I do

Don't fret

Even in my sleep

I am watching

Really, google only offers Superman in white eh?

Mhmm.. ~Skips into pimp walk like 'thaswhadisaid!'~

🤣🤣

No black Superman

Classy @dandays… it’s all there. Perfect for getting away with it.
I did see some things caught on door cams. As some friends shared some crazy things happened on his with delivery guys and his dogs… I see what you mean by they are entertaining… and could become a must see. Lol

Good night 🥱🥱😴😴😴😴

Well hello LittleBee the airbrush extraordinaire! Good morning. I'm glad you stopped by, really, I have another article finished I'll probably release tonight I wrote with you in mind. Well, you and a handful of other fairly new Hivers who may or may not know a fairly simple trick to increase content views. I wish someone would've shown me earlier in my Hive persona so I didn't spend years figuring it out for myself. Keep an eye out for it. I'm not even being satirical or anything right now, I'm totally serious. I know you'll appreciate it. <3

Ok, now that I got that outta the way...


Doorbell cams are crazy!! I watch those and about half give me chills up my spine. So eerie and they're authentic, too, no acting or pretending. I've always had an issue with my wife opening the door for whoever knocks whenever they knock, I call her "dangerously naive." Needless to say, she inspects the peephole now before opening the door.

Thank you! Always a pleasure when you stop by.

Hello my friend @dandays 😁👋🏻😎 don’t make me blush there hehehe 🤭 good morning!
That’s great 😁 of course I appreciate it. Always… love learning new things. I’ll keep an eye out for it. Thanks 🙏🏻 already! I think more newbies will appreciate it too.

Ooo I know, they are real nothing acting or anything like that.
That’s good she does now check first. We don’t even open the door if it wasn’t agreed on before to meet someone. 85% of the time ours rings, it’s not for us anyway. (Gated community for now, only rental we could get in 3 days when we needed to switch quickly rentals last time hahaha 🤣)

You are welcome 🤗 have a wonderful Tuesday 👋🏻☀️

You're leaving Spain fairly soon, right? How much longer you got there? Remind me, you're going to Boston, correct?

We hope it is soon, but because of many delays… paperwork, backlogs etc. it is taking longer. And some changes in the company in the last months (as we are relocated by the company) had to go first. We hear more end of this month. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻Hope it will make things go a bit faster. So for now I can’t tell you when exactly. Sigh… started last October hahaha but we are patient. 😇
Nope not going to a big city. We are looking into the entire state of Mass. but it could change to any other State around it. Hope the company gives us a clear on our choice. It will be New England though. So we can search more specific/ focus on one area.
But we have plan B and C ready too. If something wouldn’t go ahead, we do leave Spain 🤓😉😎

Funny you say B and C. We're actually on our plan b right now and didn't plan on having to ditch it. Plan is a funny word. Long story but England won't let me stay here and my wife's frikkin British! I could drop so many curse words right now about the whole thing but we're just rolling with the punches.

I'm telling you cuz if Spain doesn't work out after at least a month of getting a feel for it, we'll be there in October, we'll engulf ourselves in a couple other spots. But Pura's already been shopping properties again stateside around N/C and Virginia beaches. We might be a lot closer than you think sooner than you think.

(We sure did venture way off getting away with murder) =}

(we sure ventured way off of that… but that doesn’t matter… let others pick up on it)

Ooo noooo sorry to hear that. That is just crazy, especially as you wife is British 😳😳 wow… speechless.
Not funny in any way. I feel you… that’s…. Gggrrrrrr

Spain is funny in many ways, for us… hubby been here 15 years and me 7 years… it changed too much. Not for the good. Not sure you guys would fit in. But you need to get a feel for it. Truly watch carefully around. See…
Especially as rules changed paper wise too.

Ooo that does sound cool if you would end up back in the states not too far from us… 🤓😎 keep me posted 😁
We couldn’t chose those states. But out of the ones the company is in… New England ones were the best hehehe 🤭 and the SEO wanted us to be on the east side. Because of working hours with other countries.

Can someone please explain why a square dancin country boy is censored and requires age verification yet homicides, underage sex trafficking, wars, hate crimes and racist politicians are not?

WTF❗️

What you're about to read is fact: I put this together knowing you and you only would call me out but with majority in mind and for entertainment purposes only, no one knows what the hell Reno is. =}


Wassup man? I sure do appreciate your support. Pura just woke up so I'm gonna give those links a watch right now. I'm making you aware cuz one thing you do not do is wake her up. Cut off the hot water mid-shower, starve her, leave early during her favorite movie, fart in the car and lock the windows, all totally forgivable. Wake her up however.... Oh dude I'll be featured in the next crime show!

... Missing 'Merica yet?

I do actually. We do. We love and appreciate everywhere we've been and I don't wanna sound too female doggy right now because I'm aware people would love to switch shoes with us but expatting after nearly 7 years is exhausting.

@dynamicgreentk thanks man.

We love and appreciate everywhere we've been and I don't wanna sound too female doggy right now because I'm aware people would love to switch shoes with us but expatting after nearly 7 years is exhausting.

You sound like you miss going to work cause yeah traveling the world with your talented and beautiful wife is soooo hard 😅

Here is a link to an IBEW in the UK you might wanna check out...

😁

What you're about to read is fact: I put this together knowing you and you only would call me out but with majority in mind and for entertainment purposes only, no one knows what the hell Reno is. =}

Somewhere Outside of Vegas?

Reno! Reno is like 500 miles away from Vegas! You realize the boarder of Mexico is closer right?

I was like 'whaaaattt?!' to that link, I had No idea, clicked it and.. Alright that figures!

Reno! Reno is like 500 miles away from Vegas! You realize the boarder of Mexico is closer right?

It was for entertainment purposes only you 357 Shop Steward! I mean, you don't really think I watch Judge Judy, do you?

Its rhetorical!

I'm on my way back from my job.

(First day was freaking hectic, I'm knackered)

I will come back and read and comment properly,😅

Job or Jōb? Did you say Job with a hard Ō?!

Thanks for the warning. See you when you get back. I probably should've tagged #satire. Oh well.

Edit
This is me feeling about this big for not thanking you for the reblog. My bad dude. :knuckles emoji:

Oh nice. I wrote a similar piece, many years ago, entitled How To Properly Shag A Sheep. It utilized many of the same rules as your murdering but it was not as well received. What does that say about society?

Also, Judge Judy is still kicking? Nice.

There's so many who'dunit type murder mystery documentaries available at our fingertips and people trip out on things like diets and politics... Booorrinnng. It's hard to believe how many people think they can just off their spouse or whoever like no one's gonna notice. But really, ever watch doorbell cam clips? In-f'ing-sane.

Hell yeah she is! Byrd retired, her bailiff, but Judge J (that's what I call her) is still tearing people up.

Lmao 🤣

One day people will look back on this post and go "we really should have saw this coming. The signs were there, we just thought it was a joke at the time."

I've been getting away with it since '92, no way I'll get caught this late in the game.

Watching Judge Judy of course. Dot dot dot dot.


Wassup man? Thanks for checking me out. Maybe I should've tagged #satire on this one. Putting it together I was laughing the whole time and, now that I think about it, that's probably not a good defense!

Hahaha 😂 you could try that.

But have you watched any crazy doorbell cam footage?

I have seen a few videos on YouTube haha

Hahaha… yep 🤓

"Tyvek coveralls. It's a full-body jumpsuit to be worn over your clothing commonly worn by hazardous material handlers."

You were lookin pretty sporty in that body tight Tyvek there my sweet sweet... Lmao

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Judge Judy Nude Photos

You know I clicked the nude photos link you long haul conspiracy theory drivin catsuit wearin Corona drinker!

Meeeeow

Lmfaoooo...

Meow... "Priceless" dotdotdot

A well needed belly laugh. TY.!

F Y.I.

What You see when You see a catsuit...
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What I See...
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Cat Woman doesn't look like pussy in a Hefner robe at all when they're stacked on top of each other like that.

Just ask if you need any help with litigation. I've successfully self-represented in a variety of courtrooms.

Are you for real? That takes some big huge balls. Are you serious?

I never even considered it and, no, I'm not gonna tell you how many retainers I've paid in full so don't ask!

It's not as big a deal as you might think. Out here in the boonies, most courtrooms are pretty casual anyway. As long as you say 'your honor' after everything, and don't speak out of turn, and the facts are on your side, it's a walk in the park. If the facts aren't on your side, it's more of a walk through Central Park.

Yes! Those small but extremely pertinent phrases are essential. Both of which I've learned by watching Judge J by the way. "Your honor" after everything rather than yes or no ma'am/sir which aren't terrible but not proper. And she gets pissed when a party speaks out of turn!

When people go to her court trying to get money out of someone when both were involved in dirty money anyway, I love those! He owes me for work but the job was done under the table, for example, pure entertainment!

🤣🤣🤣

:coolest emoji you've ever seen:

!hivebits
!BBH
!CTP
!ENGAGE 100
!PIZZA
!LOLZ
!LUV
!BEER

Well

I'm going to take your advice, except in a not literal way.

No one is murdering anybody here 🤣😢

That hotel view 🔥

I did it again didn't I? That thing where we go from one spot way way way over somewhere else without warning.

I'm not sure how that started. Is it ok? It's not too much or predictable is it? I never want to be predictable. If you're ever able to figure out where I'm going before we get there—quick! Grab something big (I'm not a small dude) like a 2x4 or baseball bat or something and make me the next feature on one of them documentaries cuz I'm not in my right mind.

I just did I get again didn't I?

Yup, you did it again.😅🤣

You're not predictable, your sense of humor and wit is just in the same wavelength as mine, ( no I don't mean the same, I'm not even worthy to tie your shoe lace😏)

Imagine telling a smaller fella to hit a bigger fella
That's bloody suicide 🤣🤣

That's bloody suicide 🤣🤣

In Hollywood they call that a mental health issue.

They've got a fancy word for everything haven't they? 😅

You need to stack more BBH (Each 1000 BBH in your wallet allows you to send 1 BBH per day)

You need to own more token

PIZZA!

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