I've been spending a good deal of time observing myself, and keeping a close eye on how my mind seems to work. Metaphorically speaking. And one thing I don't get is, I seem compelled by the notion of running away. Or rather, I need to know I can get away from a situation, or else I get really panicky. I don't like situations I feel I can't easily get out of.
Sometimes, it's the stupidest things. We're going to a party tomorrow, in the countryside, and I'm slightly anxious because I'd be dependent on a car, someone to drive me back. I can't leave whenever I want, and that gets to me. I really need to know I can leave whenever I want. Even if I know, realistically speaking, there will be someone to hitch a ride with. Even if I know I won't need to leave in a hurry, or be in danger, or anything like that. If the party was in the city, then I'd be fine. Because here, I could leave whenever and however I choose.
I realize I do this in a lot of situations, not just physically, but also emotionally. I remember someone called me out on it. We were talking, and I kept saying how I could stop talking to this person whenever I wanted and just like that. And he says, why do you keep saying that? Got me thinking, and I realized I need to know there's an escape. I like to press my back against the door, even though I don't leave most of the time. I still need to know it's there, otherwise I get jittery. And when I get nervous, I become unpleasant. Sorta go on the offensive before anyone else can?
And with it being the age of the Internet, I started snooping around as to what this relate to. A popular suggestion that keeps coming up is agoraphobia. Mistakenly described as the fear of open spaces, agoraphobia apparently refers to the fear of not being able to escape. But I don't know about that. I don't mind leaving the house, or being in big, crowded spaces like shopping centers.
The suggestion I like best is cleithrophobia, which is also strongly related to not being able to escape. It's kinda like claustrophobia, apparently, but it only comes when you're in a locked space. I don't think it applies to me, I just like it because I didn't know about this. I dislike closed spaces as much as the next guy, but I don't think that's what's driving my need to get away, particularly not in social situations.
I also discovered some "fun" phobias in the process, like anemophobia, the fear of air. Imagine being scared of air. That must complicate things a whole lot. Allegedly, there's also something called auroraphobia which is the fear of anyone named Aurora. No, it's actually the fear of the Northern Lights. Makes me wonder how that works. I mean I get fears of spiders, or tight spaces, or heights. People are really weird, aren't they?
It gets better, though. There's Arachibutyrophobia, which is the fear of getting peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth, Alektrophobia, which is the fear of chickens, and Ambulophobia which is the fear of walking. That must really suck.
Anyway, I think I got sidetracked in my search. I think I knew the matter was a wee bit more complex than a 1 AM Google search could solve. But yeah, that's kinda weird. Any thoughts?
Interesting to hear your thoughts, and always important to be introspective and examine one's thoughts and life.
I also have aa problem with not being able to get away, but typically only when I'm in an open space where other people can be watching me. It happened in barber shops when I'm forced to sit in that chair with other people also in other chairs around me, and a bunch of people in other chairs waiting for their turn. As a result of that anxiety, I cut my own hair now!
I also like to have my own vehicle or way to go from an event whenever I feel like it.
Interesting survey of fears you found. Yes, most of them would be quite unfortunate to have!
Yeah, I can see how that might be anxiety-inducing. I do my own haircuts, too! And I used to do that for my ex, too, and know men's haircuts (as long as it's not just razing it down to 0) is hard work, so kudos!
Having your own vehicle must be a huge help, yes. Living in the city, I've never seen the point, since I'm mostly fine with public transport or Uber. But with the continuing infringement on our liberties (and this move against air travel), having a car is rapidly becoming a must for me, too.
Thank you for your input, as ever! Good to hear from you!
Interesting! When I was a really small child I had a fear of crossing bridges. I always wondered if that was tied to some past life experience. As I am approaching my late-summer years I don't have many fears left but I do have a fear of time running out before I experience everything I want to do.
My mom would probably say you must've had a bad bridge scare (if not even a death) in some past life. Or maybe an ancestor of yours did, and passed that stuff on to you. :) Amen, fear of running out of time is the most real (most underlooked) fear there is, huh?
I was wondering about some kind of past life event too. Although she passed away before I was born, my Mom said that her mother had an uncanny fear of bridges too. Thankfully I grew out of that one. You really start to feel the gravity of how little time you have left around 50. Before that it seems like you have an infinite amount of living left, at least it did for me. Now, realistically, I'm well past the half-way point. The Stoic philosophy is really helping me to process those feelings and see them in a more positive light.
Aren't you reliant on trains or public transportation in the city, though? What do you do when you want to get away from something and the trains are delayed?