What is JAB COIN all about:
The following is an excerpt from the JAB COIN White Paper which is currently being reviewed by the International Political Correctness Institution, located in what shall soon be named the Biden University of Life & Love aka BULL University.
“ …with the current door to door jabbing of people that has been ensured by the new Administration in The USA, it is crystal clear that the vast majority of humans shall not be able to avoid getting the jab. (The use of this term “jab” for the medical procedure is purely based on a colloquial basis.)
Statistics have shown that all door to door sales have improved in results. Even the Jehovah Witnesses have managed to accomplish unthinkable results in their door to door approach. Even if in most cases it is because they simply refuse to leave. These tactics have impressed many high IQ politicians out there. So much so, that the new Administration is looking for experienced government funded & run NGO’s that have Jehovah Witnesses in their ranks for the execution of this door to door systematic jabbing. They simply won’t take “NO” for an answer. Statistics do not lie (that is why politicians always use them).
However, after the questions put forwards based on initial side effects from the millions already jabbed, particularly among males of our kind (or those that are still for some unknown and unexplainable reasons considered to be males) about the impotency among jabbed males out there, there have been very serious concerns put forwards about the future of Humanity.
This has brought about a need for a means to ensure that the best of swimmers in a load unloaded where it is naturally meant to be unloaded, are fairly and appropriately rewarded for making it to their goal…..”
The name JAB COIN may at first glance seem to have some connotations to medical treatments, although it does seem so indirectly, sort of, maybe, idk, the name “JAB” at question here is in fact named after the all natural act of getting swimmers to the start line of their race and not any door to door jabbers or the jab itself.
The “JAB” which we are referring to, can be classified as and definitely by nature compared to a “Swimming Event”. As with all such activities that are of a sporting nature, the winners need to be rewarded.
Equality of the sexes was brought up during the course of discussions and practice runs among the team. Unlike most sporting events where participants are disqualified for taking any form of enhancements. JAB COIN shall not show any prejudice towards those participants who choose to utilise any performance enhancing aids (not to be confused with the Anal Injected Death Sentence.)
This includes but is not limited to, fertility enhancing drugs, arousal equipment (with no differentiation made between those that are battery operated or not) or anything that may get the participants to perform better during the course of intercourse.
Furthermore, the physical differences between the males of our species shall in no way be treated unfairly.
The practice to date has been usually judged upon “pleasure”. Which has brought about many advantages to those males who dare we say it colloquially are “Hung like bears!”.
The purpose of JAB COIN is not to reward the amount of screams and shouts of joy, but the actual swimmers and their results. Which after many practice runs held among all sorts of participants, which ranged from those who looked like they had a third leg, to those who were so stubby that it caused confusion between their belly button and the actual start gun, it was proven that this actually caused no differences in the final results achieved. Although, all too often, the female participants in test runs were not overly joyed. This is yet another fully justified reason for the earlier mentioned policy of “no disqualification for those who use any form of drugs or physical aids during the events”.
Both participants are more than justifiably entitled to a smile on their faces once the event is completed. We maintain and actually fully support equal rights to satisfaction policy. Particularly those that revolve around ensuring a happy ending.
Fortunately for those who are carrying a load potentially worth its performance capabilities in gold, JAB COIN is coming soon and hopefully all you men and women out there will have added reasons to be following suit.
The Eco System
Aka “DERR – Distribution & End Result Rewards”
PROOF OF SPEED (PoSE)
PROOF OF LOAD (P-Load)
PROOF OF PERFORMANCE (PoP)
WTF?
The above criteria for rewarding those who choose to go for it, is still being defined and worked on. Practice makes perfect and the team at JAB COIN definitely believes in this. So we are putting ourselves out there for humanity and sweating it out every day and night.
What has been defined so far is the following:
The actual pay load shall not be based on the load itself, but in fact it shall be determined once the desired result(s) “PoP”s out.
Once the “PoP” is over with and the DNA (not the “Dang Not Again” reaction upon confirmation of success) samples are confirmed, there is no question as to whose swimmer won the race.
Hence ensuring a fair and fully justifiable distribution and award.
In the event that during the “PoP” process, there are multiple results, there shall be multiple JAB COINS issued. They shall not be divided among the little buggers, but each little MOFO (or Caesarean) shall be equally rewarded as individuals. We do not discriminate.
JAB COINS shall be issued not only to the participants themselves, but also to the hosts of the swimming event.
This means that the fairest distribution is guaranteed.
DISCLAIMER:
The above satirical text is not deliberately promoting or mocking anyone or anything.
Note: After writing the above first sentence of this disclaimer, all of us had to be tested, because we all started coughing in a very peculiar manner that sounded like we were trying to say “Bull Sheet”.
We do not promote or wish for anyone to go out bonking like crazy thinking that they may be rewarded with any make believe, digital or any other form of currency.
As stated, all this is still in the testing phase and for at least another nine months we will not be able to provide any real evidence of how this all pops out.
Until the scrunched up little buggers who keep wanting to hog what was their daddies or the postmens favourite toys, depending on what time of day it is actually “PoP” out, we won’t be able to release any results and due to our strict privacy policies no videos will be released. If any leak, we will take an approach proven to work and used by a guy named “Bill”:
"Admit nothing, Deny everything and Make counter accusations."
It worked for him and hence it should work for us too (fingers crossed, unlike legs).
We do not claim that anything stated about any type of “Jab” in any way, manner, context or form is factual. Nor do we suggest that you find out the “hard” way. Although, that could be taken with a grain of salt if you want a scrunched up little bugger in the family, that decision is all yours.
In the event that there is a “JAB COIN” out there, or if one is to come about before the nine months of our trials and fun are up, all we can say is “F#CK IT”.
The one and only thing that we can definitely say, without cracking up and rolling all over the floor is that NONE OF THE ABOVE is financial advice.
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