Impatience - Killer Of Success & Creator Of Stress!

in #sirwinchester7 years ago (edited)

Impatience is something that many people suffer from.
It can be a hindrance in many occasions - but you can actually learn to improve your patience!

Patience is the support of weakness; impatience the ruin of strength.
- Charles Caleb Colton

First of all, let's look at a very interesting Experiment from Walter Mischel called the "Marshmallow Experiment". In the 1970's, Mischel and his team invited several pre-school kids to a test. They had to wait inside a room, with a bell in front of them. Mischel left the room and told the kids that they could ring the bell, then he would return and give the kid a marshmallow.
But if the Kid didn't ring the bell and waited until he came back by himself, the kid would receive 2 marshmallows.
The results varied, but most kids pressed the bell between 6-10 minutes.
Usually, he would come back on its own after around 15 minutes.

Now we all know how impatient kids are, especially pre-schoolers, and that 15 minutes feel like an eternity to them!
In his tests, Mischel found out that the kids that waited longer (= were more patient) ended up being more disciplined and engaged in school activity, and that they could cope with stress better.

So what can we learn from this experiment?

  • People that are patient naturally tend to be more disciplined in general.
  • Patience pays off. (Of course, not always.)
  • Impatience doesn't get you any benefits.
  • Even when it's hard, and you don't know how long you have to be patient for, you should still try and stick with it! 

Impatience can apply to many different aspects of life, big ones and small ones.
But when it affects your work or personal life majorly, you should think about changing your behaviour - because patience can be learned and improved!

Let's start with how you can fight your impatience in small steps!

1) Analyze your daily life, and all the small situations that tend to make you feel impatient. Maybe the red light in front of your home always takes so long, or the elevator at work moves too slowly? Whatever it is, write a list of at least 5 small things where you are impatient daily.
Leave out big aspects like work-related issues.

2) From your list, pick out 1-2 things that you want to work on first. This is much better than simply telling yourself "I will be more patient from now on." because that statement is not specific enough!

3) Before you act, think about the situations you picked in your head.
Think about how you normally react in that situation, how you feel and what exactly annoys you. Also, think about how this feeling affects your actions, also in situations with others, and realize that your impatience has negative effects! 

4) NOW you can think about how you would like to act differently. And don't make this scenario too easy in your head - it's not as easy as it sounds to change your behaviour patterns!
You can do this with several methods :
- Think about the situation that makes you impatient. Breathe in deeply, and let all your muscles relax. Your whole body is calm and relaxed, and you can conquer the situation with a clear head.
- Try creating a Mantra, and repeating it over and over in your head. For example: "Whenever I wait for the Elevator, I stay calm. If I get impatient that doesn't make it go any faster."
- Connect your action with a habit - create a signal for yourself. For example, always touching your wedding ring or something else you have with you at all times. This way you signal your body: I'm in a new state of mind now. Whenever I touch this, I will stay calm and patient and will be reminded of my intentions.

5) When the situation comes, analyze your thoughts and changes in your body. Now remind yourself that impatience doesn't get you anywhere, it only has negative effects.
Concentrate on your body, breathe deeply and slowly and feel the tension go away.

Of course, these examples are only tiny situations.

What really bothers you is something else - when you work on an important task, and you think "Why isn't this finished yet?! This needs to be done faster, I don't have that much time..."

So how can you conquer that kind of impatience?

After you have mastered the small situations, you can then move on to the bigger issues that come with impatience. There is no generic solution for that, but in general remember three things:

1) Impatience happens only in your head.
It's a stress that you are creating for yourself, it's not naturally there! It's a construct of your own thoughts.

2) Time pressure is the killer of patience.
This goes hand in hand with step 1 - you are creating way too much stress for yourself, especially when you're on a time schedule.
Now everybody has deadlines and I understand that they're important - but if you stress about it, you won't work any faster! Think about the worst possible thing that happen when you delay that deadline. Most of the time, it's really not as bad as we think.
Also when you work at home or independently, try not to create too much time pressure if you already know you are getting impatient easily. 

3) Impatience can lead to negative effects!
When someone is impatient, they often end up acting rashly, without proper planning - which leads to mistakes or negative effects. And when you put too much pressure on yourself, you get nervous and tend to make more mistakes as well. It's a vicious cycle!
So be aware that impatience affects your behaviour (very often in a negative way).

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© Sirwinchester


It's amazing how much of our discomfort and stress is created by our own thinking. Our brains are stuck in primitive, fight of flight response mechanisms when the reality is, there is no lion, tiger, or bear about to eat us. We're not going to die. It just feels like it sometimes.

totally agree. so many mental problems are actually just constructions of our own brain, we just don't realize.

Impatience is bad when you have no control over the situation (waiting for an elevator). Impatience can be good when you are striving for success. When you aren't patient, you will work harder and be less likely to take bullshit from your boss. Demand that raise!

good point! But it's hard getting it under control, so unfortunately I feel like most people don't get to enjoy that benefit.

Exactly right! You have to crawl before you walk.

very helpful post, and really cool visually designed as well!

great topic - many people I know actually struggle with their impatience because it always brings them negative effects!

I can imagine that, because of impatience people sometimes make stupid decisions!

I've heard of that marshmallow experiment before, so funny how kids can't wait at all, even if they get double the amount of candy lol

yes that's right, they can't think rationally yet and for their intuition alone, 15 minutes are too long!

this post would be so helpful to a lot of people, thanks for sharing! very interesting topic, especially in this time of competition

definitely, nowadays so many people stress themselves and wanting everything to be completed "NOW", when that's not possible or healthy in many cases.

Nice suggestions, thanks for sharing @sirwinchester!

thank you for the feedback!

Patience is the support of weakness; impatience the ruin of strength.
that's an AWESOME quote.
great post!

that quote has so much meaning!

informative tips and nicely designed as well. you got my upvote!

thank you :)

I feel like impatience is not really talked about that much, so very interesting topic choice! Your tips and conclusions are very helpful.

glad you enjoyed it! And you're right, impatience is very often viewed as simply a character trait that you can't change !

your steemit posts are so unique, hardly anyone else puts this much effort into it. The catchy title, first picture, visual design, and of course the writing.. everything is so well done

thank you for the compliments, appreciate it!

awesome post!
And I really like that first give with the clock loop

glad you liked it!

I have always said I was a patient woman because anytime I force something, it usually breaks or goes wrong. But a perfect example of long-term patience is hearing my kids tell me that I didn't screw up so bad and that they're father wasn't right about the bad stuff he used to say.

thank you for sharing your experience, amazing to hear how your kids encourage you!

it took years and years but as long as I remained consistent, Karma did the rest. :)

Good things come to those who are willing to wait.

that's right!

Impatience has gotten me into some bad situations already, because I just couldn't wait and acted stupidly without thinking..
thank you for this post, very helpful reminder

Glad that I could help!

Is impulsiveness a part of impatience ?

good question. Yes I think so - you act without thinking, because everything else would take too long.

I think some people thrive on stressing themselves. I am always reminding them to stay focused on the positive.

i practice meditation to improve this very thing-- extolled by eckhart tolle

I believe it is not "Our" thinking, but rather the "Programming" they have imposed on us. Stress is the number onehealth issue and due to outside influence. If we can also begin to realize and minimize how we listen to them, the better our condition. Their main tool is fear.