(Once again this is a blog written by my wife recording the experiences of how hard it is for people to get help for both child and the parent of special needs children in the UK)
Now the blog is all about are family and what we have been though but here and there will be a post like this one about a topic that I feel passionate about.
Today I want to talk about the phrase a square peg won't fit in a round whole. Most people believe this as it means it simply won't fit but I have a completely different perspective on it.
Square pegs can indeed fit in round holes which is show every single day in the education system. Far to many Square pegs (neurodivergent children) are forces into round holes ( unsuitable schools). Now its never the hole that's changed its always the peg. To fit into the whole the peg has to be chipped away at. Now when ever you chip away at anything it creates damage. This is seen very often though things like overwhelm, burnout, stress response of either Fawn, Fight, flight and freeze. Now often if the hole had just had some what we would call reasonable adjustments ( things like movement breaks, fidget aids, being able to work stood up, being able to have things like ear defenders availed etc) then quite often some of these children would be in a much more suitable environment and they wouldn't have to change to fit in. We also have to consider those children that stock a round shape mask over there square peg to not appear to be neurodivergent, now we have to remember that they do this as the environment isn't suitable and by feeling exposed without a mask they feel even like they need to be chipped away to fit in so they undertake the daily strain to try and get though without being noticed in order to protect themselves.
What we have to consider and remember though is when you chip away at that square peg in order to make it fit in the round hole ( I think this is the appropriate time to also point out that it doesn't matter how much the peg is chipped away it it will never ever fully fit) you create damage. Damage that can never be fixed. When the mask drop and the damage becomes clearly people start to scrabble to reattach the chipped of pieces to the peg, even glue doesn't fix the damage once the damage is done it cannot be repaired. In the world of education this translates to school staff frantically trying to implement the reasonable adjustments that would have worked if they were implemented into the first place but now do not work. Why people wonder. Because that person is no longer a square, they are no longer who they were. They are often a far more complex child needing a lot more support and help then they did before. They are damaged, they have suffered trauma and they often now suffering from PTSD. They are now in a situation that no amount of reasonable adjustments or provision means they can stay in the environment. They now need a specialist setting with therapies. All because the system forced them to be something they are not.
It's very dangerous to force a person to be something they are not. By doing so you are setting them up for years and years of mental health issues, low self-esteem and no confidence.
The only way forwards for neurodivergent people is to have a system that works for all. To allow them to be who they are and support them to be who they are.
People think over the years that things have gotten better but have a brother with SEN and now having children with SEN I can tell you the system today is more broken than it was when my brother was in it.
Once again thank you for your time