The written word is extremely powerful.
I’ve always been partial to the written word: 1.) Because I was an extreme introvert as a child and it allowed me to communicate my innermost thoughts and feelings; and 2.) I’ve chosen writing as my career and throughout the decades it’s been one of the most rewarding decisions I’ve made in my entire life.
If there’s one thing the world has had an overabundance of these past few years it’s grief. During the pandemic grief and its close relative, trauma, have touched us all in some way or another. Most of us have lost loved ones, friends, our own good health, or even a livelihood.
One thing I’ve learned after losing my Father in 2020, and subsequently friends/acquaintances then, recently, our beagle Amstel is that grief tends to wash over us in powerful waves.
In some moments we can seem perfectly fine and can go on about our lives as if everything's alright. Other moments are the antithesis of fine, our emotions can come rushing to the surface and, at times, make us feel fraught with sadness and almost take our breath.
As in many other phases of my life, the written word has saved me throughout the long years of this Covid-19 pandemic. I stumbled onto an extremely effective way of processing grief and trauma so it can be released. The surprisingly simple method involves writing a letter directly to the source of my grief. It’s a rather effective way of getting out bottled up emotions and bringing a kind of closure.
Below is my most recent grief-letter. I wrote it just hours ago and already feel immeasurably better.
If you’ve experienced any kind of grief or trauma lately, I urge you to give it a try. I don't normally share these grief-letters but I'm sharing this one just as an example. If this method doesn’t work for you, at worst, you’ll be out a few minutes of your life. At best, it might be a helping hand to lead you to a place of healing.
Firsts
Today was my first walk alone without you. I took the same route we always did but it felt totally different and far less fun. How strange it was to not feel your leash wrapped around my hand. That feeling of that had become like second nature to me.
I missed hearing your bark when we passed by the hills you liked to run up and down. When I saw the salt on the sidewalk it made me remember how I’d pick you up so your paws didn’t burn.
Oh, your friend Bear barked as I was walking past. When you didn’t answer him I think he somehow knew. He’s doing fine, and is as loud as ever.
After a few weeks, each day is getting a little easier but this first was just as difficult as all the other firsts have been since you crossed that rainbow bridge.
Four o’clock in the afternoon will forever mean feeding time to me no matter where I’m at or what I’m doing.
We’ve decided to give some of your things to Barry. You met him a couple of times. He fosters senior dogs, I think you would approve of that. Don’t worry, we’re keeping all of your most favorite things – your bowls, toys, the puffer coat that kept you warm and the other dogs were jealous of, and your favorite blanket (the plush, Victoria’s Secret one).
Someday, years from now, we’ll get another puppy (don’t worry, it will likely be a beagle) and we’ll give him all of that stuff. I think that legacy would make you happy. That new puppy won’t ever be able to replace you or make us forget you.
The fourteen years of memories we made together will be kept close for our remaining years, revisited, and celebrated as they should be. We’ll smile and laugh as we reminisce about all of the good times we had, which are too many to count.
We’re both getting a tattoo next week in your honor so we have a constant reminder of you. We can’t thank you enough for our time together. I promise you will never be forgotten, little buddy.
You have all our love, forever.
All for now. Trust your instincts, invest in you, live boldly, and take chances.
Poetry should move us, it should change us, it should glitch our brains, shift our moods to another frequency. Poetry should evoke feelings of melancholy, whimsy, it should remind us what it feels like to be in love, or cause us to think about something in a completely different way. I view poetry, and all art really, as a temporary and fragile bridge between our world and a more pure and refined one. This is a world we could bring into creation if enough of us believed in it. This book is ephemera, destined to end up forgotten, lingering on some dusty shelf or tucked away in a dark attic. Yet the words, they will live on in memory. I hope these words become a part of you, bubble up into your memory when you least expect them to and make you feel a little more alive.
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Let’s Keep In Touch
Very beautiful!
Thank you my friend. Each day is getting a little easier. We have the countdown clock going for Sedona. Just 15 days until departure.
How exciting! I have a couple of months before we take our vacation.
Your father passed away, I am saddened.
When it's time for us to die, we have to leave.
Thanks!
Trust your instincts, invest in you, live boldly, and take chances
Those lines are talking to me
Yes, that is my mantra!
Quite true and in a world filled with negativity, kind words can make all the difference. It doesn't cost us anything, we can bring good thoughts and positive thinking to encourage those in need through the power of words. And on top of that, those remain like an echo in time and even create memories. We should do that more often instead of staying lazy aside.
These grief letters are a really good way to shorten the duration of the healing process.
The way you put your heart out there with every piece you write is commendable and heartwarming. I cried through the reading of your letter to Amstel, so much so that I had to delay my reply. Grief is one of the most difficult things in life to overcome and it really never goes away, it simply lies dormant. Now I must go again....
Thank you Tamara. It's one of the most difficult things to do, to put yourself out there and leave yourself open to ridicule. It took a long while to build up the courage to do it. I'm sorry it stirred up that grief and made you cry but am glad you connected with it in some way. You are so right, grief fundamentally changes you even if you can find a way to process the emotions. Now, I'm just trying to focus on the good memories.
Thank you but there is no need to feel sorry. The crying is always very cathartic for me and it does lead to the good memories. If you do decide to get a new friend in time, Amstel will help to guide and train the new family member. This I find to be true as I break in a new pup after my own Cocoa walked the Rainbow Bridge 18 months ago.
I have heard about this method of relieving pain in the soul. A person writes letters, pours out all his pain on paper and it becomes easier for him. As they say, "paper will endure everything." Everything can be experienced, no matter how impossible it may seem at first. Over time, grief will subside. Not that it has completely disappeared, but with what remains, one can already live.
Other people on Facebook have said they've heard of this method as well. I feel so much better after I wrote it.
You are absolutely right, one should write a diary and save everything in it, because when one falls, one remembers all the old things. People who have left this world for any reason can never come back. The only thing left is the time spent with them by looking at their pictures and reminiscing. Due to Corona, many people had left this world here too. Nowadays, the modern era is going, if someone leaves this world, then we have his picture. In the olden days, we didn't even have a picture of anyone. I am also very fond of dogs. Anything that stays behind a person for some time becomes so loved that it is a member of our house, but even more so. Then when something happens to him, he goes somewhere, so it feels like the house become sad. Whose appointed time from this world has to leave at that time and we cannot do anything. As long as we live in this world, we should continue to do good to one another.
Oh man, how incredibly valuable it would be to have the diaries of our ancestors! I would give any amount of money to be able to read of their joys and struggles. My ex-wife's grandfather fought in World War I in France and he kept a diary the entire time he was deployed. It was very interesting to hear what life was really like in the trenches. Surprisingly, the main thing he talked about was the food! It seems like that's what he chose to focus on to keep his mind off of all of the other nightmarish things that were happening all around him every day.
Always love to read your thoughts @ericvancewalton, You are truly an amazing person. Are you a blogger or content writer ?
Our life is a mixture of happiness and sadness, In fact I have heard from an old guy that our life has 90 % of sadness in it, remaining 10 % is happiness and we should always try to enjoy all these moments of happiness to the fullest. I don't know it is true or not. But I will call that 90% of sad part as an exams, which teaches us many thing and make us a better person with the passage of time.
Thank you! I blog and write poetry, short stories and novels mainly.
That mix of happiness and sadness is different for everyone I think. Sometimes it's not easy to quantify. Most of us have bad things that happen to us but I think the real difference is how we react and respond to those negative things. Many times there are lessons in the misfortune that are so valuable they're worth the pain. Our response to the things that happen to us is really the only thing that is within our control.
Completely agree with you. we need to be patience and calm in our hard time and we need to be kind and generous in our easy time.
Awe Eric, what a beautiful letter of grief and appreciation to your special Amstel! I do agree that writing really helps when one is dealing with grief, writing a letter to a much loved one who has departed, even better!
Grief really is like waves that hit one from nowhere, little things trigger it, but it is part of healing as I'm sure you discovered!
Hope you have a good week my friend, and thank you for sharing this with us.
Thank you Lizelle! After writing this, I truly felt like I could move forward. We're in countdown mode for our winter vacation to Arizona. We leave on the 20th and will be there through the end of March. I can't wait to feel the sun on my face. I hope you all are well! You're in the thick of the summer heat probably.
I'm so glad that you're going to seek out the sun🌞
We had some unbearably hot days mid-January and will still get more and are looking forward to our mild winter, but I can just imagine how tired you must be of that extreme cold!
I feel as though I've missed out entirely. Now added to my favourites. Silly of me.
What a wonderful post and share.
They say it's the most complicated of all human processes, you know. Grief. It encompasses every emotional imaginable and is extremely complex. And it takes as long as it takes. Yet we are never taught how to grieve. Or are even allowed to mostly.
Thanks for sharing this.
It's a beautiful way to let go. Also... to say the things we may never have had the time to say. Honestly... I'm in a grieving process as well right now and couldn't read the rest of the letter. It's too moving and I'm resisting the process. As I do. Cowgirls don't cry and all that bad programming. Still!
Very moving.
Yes.
The power of words.
And I'm sorry for your immense loss. That's a big one! 💕
Thank you @nickydee! It's so true what you say about never being taught how to grieve or even that it's okay to do. I've been working with a great healer who's helped me discover ways to heal myself. It's been an interesting journey. I appreciate the kind words and I'm glad you found some value in this post!
I hear you. Journeying is always interesting!
I wouldn't have it any other way either. :)
I think your words have a lot of value for a lot of people.
Sending peace and strength for the other times that must be what they must be, fellow traveler. 🌸
😭😭😭 What a beautiful feelings you have, that letter is filled with so much love that i could felt it too, your dog lived a good life, he had good parents.
strength my friend, you are not alone.
Thank you, I appreciate it!
Beautiful words to say goodbye to a friend!!! I also believe that words help to heal: to say them, to write them, as they give us the opportunity to externalize, to get out, our pain, and that is good. I imagine that if there is a heaven for dogs, Amstel from there will be watching you and accompanying you on those forever walks.You will have that imprint as a tattoo, but also those memories engraved in the soul. Have a nice Monday, Eric!!! Take care of yourselves. Hugs
Thank you Nancy! I wish you a wonderful week!
What a coincidence that @lizelle tagged you in a reply to me.
I believe you have hit the nail on the head, writing about your feelings, "writing a letter directly to the source of my grief."
Robin has been experiencing a level of grief that I know can't be healthy. She has been down this road twice before when her mom and dad passed. Her sister now joins them in Heaven. In all three incidences, she was their angel. She cared for all three for years and went above and beyond what I thought was humanly possible.
With that much giving her emotions run deep.
Last evening she wrote a piece about her sister Dorthy. In the morning she seemed to have had some weight lifted from her shoulders. After coffee, she told me about her blog. While reading it I could feel her letting go of some of her pain, it was beautiful, as was your reminiscing about your best friend.
After digesting what I had just read, I knew in my heart that she was doing better and hopefully the passing of time will bring nothing but fond memories.
She has always enjoyed writing and in this case, it proved to be just what the doctor ordered.
What better way to heal than naturally?
I love the idea of a tattoo!
Hi Eric, I am so touched to read your letter to Amstel expressing how much you miss him. Indeed during his lifetime Amstel was very lucky to have owner like you. Yes, you are right, writing can be the right tool for us to express our feelings and sadness. Sometimes people who are in love will be more comfortable writing their feelings on a piece of paper or via chat rather than talking directly to their loved ones. God bless you, Eric.