The illusion of being a good person
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You can’t give what you don’t have. Not pretending to be a better person does not mean that you are not a good person too.
We just have to be ourselves in whatever situation we are
travel taught me this. if you are from germany you will recognize a certain... pathological need to help people, especially those who ask for money on the street.
we have stopped saying yes, but not out of principle - out of self-respect. we do not want to feel that "resentment" any longer, it is as if by giving money away to those who asked made us smaller than we were before. as if it was our duty and they our masters.
instead now it is like you said - we need to judge every situation freely and give willingly. we still do that a lot but when we do it is never out of chore or duty but out of compassion and eagerness to help someone who asked kindly for help.
"asking for help" and "demanding support" feel so different now,we can spot it a mile away.
travel has taught us.
i feel this discernment is what being real is all about, authenticity > pathological behavior patterns