Last night I couldn't fall asleep and was looping on a thought that maybe it's time to go for my dreams and actually study interior design. Would I have what it takes? Am I an 'artist' enough to pass the entry exams? That is yet to be determined.
But I've been fascinated with the idea of creating specific internal states of being by the power of interior design when done right. And just as equally, I'm absolutely aghast by the demoralising effects of, say soviet time architecture and design. Growing up in the Post-Soviet era and seeing how those demoralising effects are so systematically engrained and so hard to combat even decades after regaining freedom is, I believe the root cause of my innate need to customize everything and have as uniquely MY things and ways of being as possible.
It's just as interesting that up until this particular instance, I'd never had the chance to create my own room from scratch before. I've had my own rooms, but I've never had the artistic freedom to make them truly my own. Imagine my excitement, when FINALLY, after all these years.. I got this blank canvas and a full license to go completely ham on it.
You've seen bits of my room sprinkled in throughout my blog by now, but let me take you on a journey of how I got here.
Now keep in mind that I've had plenty of time to think about what I want to do with this room by now. So coming in I've managed to mull over countless ideas and had finally landed on a more or less rough idea of what I want.
Knowing that I only have two tiny eastern-facing roof windows let me know in advance that I was not going to get a lot of light. Ref. pictures above how white looks gray in the daytime. Instead of trying to fight that lack of light by trying to make it as light and bright as possible, which I suspected would be a losing battle anyway, I decided to go the other way and lean into the moody, dusky vibe provided by the lack of light.
Shocked some people with that move and the subsequent choice of wallpaper -
But, but, but.. isn't it going to be TOO MUCH?
No, shhh.. trust the process..
But THIS!
This is it! This is what peak pandemic happiness looks like. A wish come true. I no longer needed to 'work from kitchen'. No rush from here on out, the rest could take as much time as needed.. ..just one more thing..
Oh, yeah, and lights too..
Look at the floor.
Just look at the floor. Nothing much has really been done yet and there is still so much to do, but everything already feels like an art piece. As if the whole process itself is a form of art. I am for sure enjoying every bit of it.
But, ok, enough with the minimalism. This is not what we came here for. Time to start to spice things up!
With a splash of colour.
The wallpaper is up. And the noisiness of it is ever so slightly interrupted with a rather impractical but cute none-the-less cushioned seating.
Now, before you panic, this isn't ALL of the walls like this.
I have also this part that is painted.
Ok, we're going to need to step back a bit for this..
See.. not THAT bad.
I chose Gentleman's Gray by Benjamin Moore (2062-20), or as close as it was physically possible for the shop to mix it up as such.
That was actually one of the main headaches. Even if you know what you want and show them, ok, I would need this specific colour - every time it turned out just ever so slightly different and there's nothing much you can do about it because how many cans of paint are you just gonna throw out? You'll see later where the difference is clearly visible.
But, Josie, your wallpaper is more of a green-ish and this is more of a blue-ish, however will they ever not clash with one another, everyone knows that blue and green don't go together!
Trust the process! They'll work together and seamlessly no less, because they're the same darkness and saturation.
Anyway.. I need some mirrors up in here.
Ok, I'm not gonna lie, this was a compromise. I wanted something a bit different with the mirrors, but this works too.
Wait, lemme just sit down and check.. yup, cozy!
So, come Christmas 2020, and since I've been yapping away about how one day I'm gonna have an easel by the Monstera plant..
Not the right colour if you ask me, but that is sooo easily fixable that it's a non-issue.
By this point, there's just too much excitement. Seeing how things are actually coming together and the vision is starting to take form in the 3D.. is just something quite magical. I am in love with this room and the whole process. It's inspirational.
Obviously, some creative chaos is bound to creep in sooner or later, it is MY room, after all.
But look, it's 27 Dec 2020 and I have a wardrobe (the white one, flush with the wall) and a multifunctional custom furniture piece that divides the long room into separate bedroom and 'office' areas.
No, that is not even its final form.
But in the meantime, here, enjoy some knobs and buttons.
The devil is in the details.
It is known.
But 'the corner' continues to evolve.
Also, also, not its final form.
Now this one though, this one is close to its final form. It'll have some doors still but other than that..
Look at that 'curvy' back side.. xD
A: How custom-made do you want it, Josie?
Me: YES!
Oh, wait, I think I still have a sketch I made for this one.
What can I say. It got delivered.
Now just to fill it all with books.
That shouldn't be an issue.
Colour-matched velvet ottomans are a must.
Painting by number progress on 18 Jan 2021. I'll make a separate post about that one once it's properly finished-finished.
Don't hold your breath though, it might take a few more years or so. I'm deliberately not rushing it and only going with the extremely slow flow.
For my vanity, I was looking for this very specific mirror. It needed to be white, it needed to be oval and it needed to have the lights around it.. because of reasons.
I love how the morning light plays in the mirrors, even if it finds the exact angle to hit me right in the eyes on summer mornings. :D
Door handle, matching the vibe with the rest of the knobs.
Now that it's been 4 years since the start of this journey (jeez, the time really is flying this all feels like it was yesterday), the room has surely gotten a more creative chaos and lived in feel to it, which is perfectly fine by me, I never intended it to have a sterile feeling to it. And sure it still needs some finishing touches, as do the rest of the house.
One thing that I see that I didn't quite account for is that I would in fact use the easel and actually paint something. I guess in my mind's eye I was still a coward for whom that easel was just an interior decoration, but that turned out not to be the case and thus - even more creative chaos back over there. I do have some ideas on how to reduce some of that clutter, but I'll have to see what I can do about it.
Now that I think about why I needed my vanity to look exactly like this in the context of only now figuring out that I might in fact be autistic and masking, it starts to make sense. If going outside of the house and being in public is a performance, then one obviously needs adequate space to prepare for said performance..
If "all the world's a stage" then this is the backstage make-up room.
Here you can see what I meant by the troubles of matching the original paint colour. I do not recall which attempt at matching this was, but I just had to settle at that point.
This one's too purplish-grayish and not greenish and not deep enough. Looks too flat in comparison to the wall. The same colour was used for the doors, so at least they can refer back to one another.
And that Monstera plant?
It has turned into a real monster. :D
So after these 4 years, is it too much by now? Am I tired of it yet?
Absolutely not!
It might be too much for someone, knowing that the beige trend is still all the rage, but for me, THIS is exactly what I needed - an environment that reflects on the outside how I feel/want to feel on the inside. An environment that inspires all manner of creativity.
So there you have it. To date my favourite piece of art. My favourite attempt at self-expression.
I can't even properly describe how fulfilling this process has been for me. The chance of self-expression in the most minute details is something that my soul has always longed for. This is it. This is me.
And I want to acknowledge my family who helped me and supported me and my crazy ideas along the way. Without them, this wouldn't have been possible, so I am forever grateful that they were patient with me and didn't just dismiss my ideas with - oh, you don't need that. Because I did. I did need exactly THIS.
Hope you get to express your true self today in whichever way possible and I'll catch you later.
~Josie~