I'm trying to write a new book to share the information, therapies and practices that I used to fully recover from anxiety, depression and addiction.
The "process", if you will.
The "How To" of Perfect: An alternative perspective on mental health & addiction.
I've spent some years trying to figure out whether I'm an artist, an activist or a recovery coach...
but what I've come to understand is that these are, at the end of the day, all the same thing.
And that we may never achieve our full potential personally, and possibly fix some of the problems we face in our communities, unless we address both our own struggles and those of the world at large...
in unison.
By this I mean both together in community and holistically as our individual selves.
Because they are intrinsically linked, you see. And both of them impact our health and lives.
What I'm trying to explain is that without addressing the environmental causes of our distress, we will only be able to manage the symptoms forever.
We will never be able to heal anything permanently, until we change the environments that are causing the distress, in other and more words.
It seems an impossible problem to resolve at this point.
Doesn't it?
Imagine
I strongly believe that healing the individual will heal our communities.
It begins with each of us. And as each individual becomes healthy and strong enough to live successfully, it might change the way that we live together as a whole.
In fact... I know it will.
But we also cannot heal as individuals without having some pretty scary conversations about our social structures and systems.
This is a part of the famous "Shadow Work" that Jung suggested right from the beginning.
And my goal is to take you on a journey, through your own unconscious, to try to help you find more of yourself.
The who that you authentically are.
And, hopefully, more freedom for the you that you are, as a result.
I'm not sure whether it will work...
but it should be quite an adventure anyway!
I return, again and again, to a conversation with a brilliant mind in the field of psychology, James Hillman.
Hillman: I'm not critical of the people who do psychotherapy. The therapists in the trenches have to face an awful lot of the social, political, and economic failures of capitalism. They have to take care of all the rejects and failures. They are sincere and work hard with very little credit, and the HMOs and the pharmaceutical companies and insurance companies are trying to wipe them out. So certainly I am not attacking them. I am attacking the theories of psychotherapy. You don't attack the grunts of Vietnam; you blame the theory behind the war. Nobody who fought in that war was at fault. It was the war itself that was at fault. It's the same thing with psychotherapy. It makes every problem a subjective, inner problem. And that's not where the problems come from. They come from the environment, the cities, the economy, the racism. They come from architecture, school systems, capitalism, exploitation. They come from many places that psychotherapy does not address. Psychotherapy theory turns it all on you: you are the one who is wrong. What I'm trying to say is that, if a kid is having trouble or is discouraged, the problem is not just inside the kid; it's also in the system, the society.
London: You can't fix the person without fixing the society.
With our current lifestyles and the pressure to stay afloat... none of us have the strength or the time to address the issues in our environments that may very well be the exact cause of our personal challenges.
Instead we tread water, trying to survive.
And we try to manage the symptoms.
We take a short holiday once a year. If we're lucky. We don't have enough time to raise our own children. And when we do spend time with them, we're often so stressed that we aren't able to be fully present for them anyway.
We use substances, prescribed meds and addictive behaviours to manage our lives.
Our children fall through the cracks of the pace we must consistently maintain to maintain the status quo. Our anxious, depressed and often addicted children because there is no longer a village to support us. Any of us..
And so we diagnose and medicated ourselves and our children next. So that they can keep up the pace. So that we can keep up the pace...
while only alleviating the symptoms that are a direct result of the situation we find ourselves in.
It bears repeating.
Because the cycle will keep on repeating...
unless we change ourselves.
I've found a way to alleviate those symptoms permanently, despite my external environment. And I don't believe, one iota, that I am any different to anyone else.
Which must make this possible for you and your loved ones too.
What I have met with, while trying to share the information and tools that I discovered, is disbelief or outright sabotage from the general public, total resistance from mainstream professionals and facilities to engage, and even some abuse to try and keep me silent.
I've now come to the conclusion that the most effective way to present this experience to you, is to simply write a story that illustrates the theories, philosophies, connections and action based skills I used on my journey.
Perhaps this may also help some of you create a life that's more in line with your "soul calling".
And perhaps this may also bring you more joy and peace, permanently, in what has now become an extremely competitive, acrimonious and stressful world.
But... (and here's the but)...
we can not keep ignoring the causes of our challenges if we want to achieve any kind of lasting stability and peace. As individuals.
We must also have a look at some of the causes of our reactions, which are a result of our environments.
So yes. To be fully individuated and free...
we all have to be artists, activists and in recovery for the challenges that past generations endured.
Because we must all achieve healthy individuation to succeed as communities.
I believe this is the best way forward now.
But I don't want to put people off with psychological jargon. I'd invite you, instead, to come on an experiential journey with me.
At the very least, it may be entertaining for both of us.
On a more personal note, I'm at the end of the road myself with regards to my passion projects.
It's not for laziness or lack of work and trying. #truestory
I'm still very single and not very well. A "soft target" in the society in which I (try) to live. And I keep being targeted and hustled and hurt. My health is not good. My finances are not good. My social support is not good.
And I'm exhausted now, in all honesty.
The worst part of this is that every time I begin to thrive again the more it seems to threaten the less healed humans I run into.
And the kickback ends up destroying a lot of my hard work to progress. This is the society we have created. It's no wonder half the people on the planet can't get through a day without some chemical assistance. No mystery there at all.
Also... I got hustled again. Twice! There are some very feral people running around now. I think it may even get worse before it gets better.
Yeah. I'm exhausted now.
But sober and calm af.
And these are the skills I am trying to share with you.
Right now I need your help, please, or I need to abandon this project and return to full time employment. For which C.V.s have already been sent out.
"Life" happened (again) and I'm just too tired to keep treading water, resisting the onslaught of what feels alarmingly like a zombie apocalypse over here, and juggling my interests and adult responsibilities.
Bit much for a sick single mama bear.
I'll let the proverbial chips fall where they may.
Or...
please consider a once off donation...to help me bring this to you?
Donations now closed with thanks to those who shared. And much love always. <3
My list of needs right now:
R5k for a preventative procedure for a could end up cancer thing.
Regular income to afford me creative time to produce this (possible) program. Can be half day work or via monthly memberships when up and running. I live simply and need very little, these days. #justsayin'
Safe accommodation, that I can afford, within a 300km radius of Cape Town. R4500 max rent, including elec and uncapped wifi. Simple is more than fine. Happy to exchange free recovery guidance and / or tech skills as an exchange for rent.
I have COPD. Yeah... it's a lot, innit? :) So calm and peaceful situations are vital, please. I make light of it because I'm pretty fearless, these days, but it's quite serious.
Some legal
guidancebackup would be helpful and probably wise because (I think we all know now, that...) any not so healthy system or individual will smear; accuse; threaten - in order to discredit and isolate folks who are too curious
That's all. I don't need much any more to be completely happy. And happily sober. Mentally titanium. Despite anything that ĺife may present me with. Honestly. Not even a craving or desire anymore. For multiple years now. No more "BiPolar" whatever...
under still extremely stressful circumstances at times.
And I'm not any different to anybody else out there, which must mean that what I've discovered and put into action will work for other people too.
"That's Logic!" - Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
But I can't afford, in any way, to do this alone anymore now.
So please say hello or participate with a share or donation to support this project.
With Love, To Life and Always for Truth,
Nicky
Advocating radical sobriety, authentic individuation and personal freedom
and
P.L.U.R always ❤️
Say hello: [email protected]
I finally drummed up enough courage to ask for a day or two's leave to attend AfrikaBurn back in 2009 https://peakd.com/afrikaburn/@nickydee/into-the-desert
I found the camp on the far side, outer ring of the event. Sweaty and already a bit dusty, I jumped out of the car https://peakd.com/hive-155530/@nickydee/walking-the-desert
Shout Out for past donations - and donations now closed
@corvidae ; @atma.love ; @julianhorack
Sending massive love and gratitude for your generosity of spirit. It's not only that, but your belief in me that keeps me keeping on. Just thank you. Sincerely ❤️
Here’s to the was you been, to the is you in
To what’s deep and deep, to what’s down and down
To the lost, and the blind, and the almost found.
Shout Out - Seku Sundiata
So much yes about society and our struggles. Like we can have coping mechanisms (good or bad), but at the end of the day if we're struggling to pay rent and buy food, it's not a "disorder" to be anxious or depressed. Even the loneliness epidemic ...yeah, everyone is working and exhausted just trying to survive, with little time for family and friends and social activities. And we have few if any "third places" where you can just exist without having to pay in public.
That's it!
Nothing wrong with any of us for being stressed af. Or the kids!!!
But the quickest way to be able to keep treading water is to take a pill ... :( Messed up thing we have going on here. *sigh
But... we are on to the situation now. Change is afoot! It takes time! But it does happen
💗
Yay! 🤗
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Thanks for the support :D ❤️
Nicky, dear Nicky. You’re such a kindred spirit to me. There is always so much depth in your posts and every post of yours always tings true in one way or another.
I totally agree that the work starts with us. When I was younger I always rebelled and believed that I’m strong enough to fight this fucked up system we live in, but as the time passes by I realise that healing ourselves first is how we change the world. Only then we can shine our light and inspire others to do the same.
You sure are a shining example of how things can be done and how we can heal ourselves. I will be cheering you up on this adventure of writing your book for sure. I wish I was wealthy enough or even with head above the water so I could help out financially too, but sadly that’s not the case yet. Going back to being employee is not cool at all, I had to do this last year and I struggle staying employed to be honest, but for me that was the only way. I hope you’ll manage without taking this route 🤞
!HUG
I sent 1.0 HUG on behalf of @fantagira.
(1/3)
Oh, you. Thank you for your always beautiful support and energy!
Hmmmm... I'm not really sold on working for a boss, but also... some actual stability to heal even harder might be a good thing now. I'm tired, and the whole world is still in a state of Flux.
May be a sensible way forward, actually. Less stress and trouble shooting = more actual time to create consistently. I keep getting hit with curveballs and having to make a plan and lose ground. One step forward - half a step back.
It's not the worst thing in the world, you know :) If you have a decent work environment. (So if you're not happy, why not look around? ;) )
Me? I have stuff that needs attending to. Must be an adult and do what needs to be done.
I think at some stage ya gotta admit defeat! No? Or try something different to get a different result.
That's logic ;)
Hugs!
To be honest I wasn’t and still am not sold on working for a boss, but at the time I had no choice - work or loose my house. In a way it was a good step. Work brought back a routine to my life and at first it was very fulfilling and I felt very appreciated. Things changed in that year since I started, but along the way I found many opportunities to heal deeper through meeting new challenges and overcoming them I had to reach deeper and heal more. I had a work pattern for years where I’d meet someone who triggered me and as a result I’d leave to another company and after a while get into the same situation again. This was happening for years and when it happened here I wrote my resignation at first and then sat down and thought about it. I finally had a position where I only work 4 days a week and it’s very close to home and I wanted to leave cause I couldn’t get on with the new boss. I decided not to leave and change myself instead and eventually it worked. I’m getting on really well with him now.
There are other things that bother me now, but it is mainly to do with me again. My low moods and health issues affected my performance at work. I often get lethargic and struggle to focus. I start doubting my memory. Then again I have a few better days and I’m flying through my work loads, which tells me the issues are inside me and again I need to reach deeper to heal.
Having long holiday right now is also telling me the same - I have not much to do, just a few appointments and shopping and I have all days to write and do other things I tell myself I don’t do at home because I work and don’t have time, but clearly that’s not the reason. I still feel low and lethargic and all I wanna do is sleep and I rarely write at all. I know I’m somehow blocking my inner energy flow and I need to find ways to heal and deal with myself.
Whichever way you decide to proceed, I’m sure you will find the way. Looking around and talking with current and old friends, many people seems to be struggling with similar issues.
Anxiety and fear for example were things that didn’t affect me in the past, but have been very present in my life this year. I went to a Polish book store yesterday and right in front of me was a special edition of psychology magazine dedicated to these topics alone. I don’t know if it never was a thing in the past or we just didn’t talk about it, but now it is a front page of everything, which indicates that huge amount of population is struggling with their mental health in one way or another.
What you do by writing openly about your issues and ways you have found to deal with them is a very important work and I hope you’ll find a way of continuing to do it 💙
!ALIVE
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Wow!
A whole book from you :D
My eyes are burnt out from making some necessary noise on my least favourite platform 🙄
Back here full time asap. And I'm saving this until I can give you my full attention :D
Thank you for your amazing connection and time.
I'll be back to answer in full! 😎
Sometimes the book flows out of me. Not very often, but I !love it when it happens.
Take your time, you know I’m easy 😘💙🎄
The best folks are
You! 🥰😘
Thanks Nicky! Hope you’re having a peaceful Christmas 🎄 😘💙
You have a very clear way of speaking and a very pleasant voice to listen to! I didn't listen to the whole clip but I appreciate how you share your vulnerable times as very matter-of-fact.
Reading where you're at right now... damn. Oregon has so many options for assistance, especially for single parents. I wish I could extend those benefits to your end of the world.
Thanks :)
The younger human said too long. Cut to ten minutes max! 😆 It's really just to share some of the content recorded from back then. Have quite a bit, but have it hidden for now.
Oh. I wish there was better social service out here for all of us! Terrible here. And hey... I'm still far better off than most people! Honestly.
I'm tired of the hole I've been in for five years now, though. It's enough, thanks. Looking for a permanent way out 👍🏼
You'd think it'd be easier than it's turned out to be. #neverhaveiever 👀😬
But on we go.
I hope you have a good break with the family. Must be summink to be there...
Times are super hard these days, everywhere, but you are strong and resilient. Tired naturally comes with that. Hopefully you will manifest getting your needs met by bravely putting it out there. It often works in community, I am learning.
Also, really really sucks about the hustling, and while I am most certainly not victim blaming, the fact that there are multiple occurrences calls to mind the fool me once adage. ⬅️This sentence was written with love.
:)
That's why I said hustle and not conned :D
Very few real victims. Kids and animals only, really. Let's be honest.
All adults have a choice at the end of the day. And we know. Inherently we know. We just choose to ignore what we know because of desire, really. So not taken at all negatively, my angel. Thank you and hope you're well!
I'm hustling here. Not in the negative sense :D Making art and loving it. Loving this project. Hope it makes some to get me outta this hole. But if it doesn't it will be one I am super proud of and like a lot myself so it's great to finally be putting this one out there.
Soon...
<3
Yay art!!! I tend to start art lately and not finish it. I have not been hustling anything except my ass on the ice lately.