A: Hey bard have you seen my Necronomicon?
B: right here. It’s was an interesting read.
A: You read it? The Necronomicon?
B: Yes, I found some wonderful inspiration inside. Shall I ordain you a tune? -- Anon Guest
[AN: Link to the video includes rude language, sexual language, and the generic horny bard. Dead dove, do not eat]
Certain tomes should not exist. Some should never have been penned. Some are loaded weapons, waiting to kill again. In these cases, the pen certainly was mightier than the sword.
The pen, or the brush made with intelligent creatures' hair, or the stylus made of finger bones...
Everyone thinks such books are bound in Human skin. Human skin makes absolutely terrible binding leather. Those in favour of such nonsense much prefer the thicker skins of Hellkin, Drakkonbred, Dragons, and so on. Every evil tome seems to be bound in the hide of an intelligent creature, but that's not what makes them evil. There's a very rare few that consume an unwary reader.
Far many more are satisfied with taking blood. The usual expectation is to steal the reader's sanity.
The good news is that they're hard to find. The bad news is that they're equally as difficult to destroy. The best thing to do with them is to contain them somewhere safe. Well. Safer than wherever they were beforehand.
These adventurers had gone as far as wresting one such evil tome from the vie mage using it, and were on their way to a safer place to leave such a thing. Since they'd already gone through the area like a dose of salts, the chief foe they had to face was boredom.
Something had to break, and something had to go wrong. In all fairness, they were lucky things happened the way they did.
Noe Lulali, the team bard, got curious. Ze read the book from start to end without harm. Corrected a few calculations in the margins. And summoned Oigw'dhuf the Isolated.
Anyone else would call the Eldritch Deity of Loneliness and Alienation a monster. Noe was a Bard, and therefore viewed the unearthly abomination of random body parts as a challenge.
Ze was three weeks into the clandestine summonings before ze announced their relationship.
"You... summoned an elder godling. Because you were bored."
"Bored and," corrected Noe. "And one thing lead to another and... yeah. Me and Oigw'dhuf. He's getting over his massive Incel complex with some gentle education and positive reinforcement."
"If this winds up with a world-ending apocalypse event," threatened the Paladin.
"Aw come on. We're just having sex!"
[Photo by Warren Umoh on Unsplash]
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