Photo: From the left, my cousin Deborah, myself and my brother Roy playing outside my grandparents home in Balls Pond Place, London N1. c.1956
Today I listened to this short video and it inspired me to write about my grandparents.
I wrote down the 5 things that Ken outlined in his video and thought about them for some time.
I realised that I did not learn these 5 points at school.
I learned them before I even went to school - from my grandparents! I never appreciated my grandparents so much as I do now that Ken has highlighted what they gave me!
1 WISDOM
Fancy adult words like existential consciousness, transcendence and zeitgeist were not a part of my vocabulary when I was under five years of age, but the examples of behaviour I witnessed among my grandparents can be described that way, now that I am a grandmother myself.
Loving my life, understanding its magnificence, came to me while I watched my paternal grandmother dancing. She transcended physical limitations with her art of movement and the stunning beauty of her choice of apparel and make up.
My maternal grandfather kept my dancing feet on the ground with his grip of current affairs when he asked me to read the newspaper with him and asked my opinion of the articles I read.
I developed a huge interest in journalism and its essential part in education before I even registered for school.
2 DISCERNMENT
My maternal grandmother had left school very early in life to help her mother with her fifteen younger siblings, after her father died of tuberculosis . She did not read or write but she had a solid morality which was precious and often amusing in family debates. She would always be listening for the logical nuances that were missing from chatter and trends. She could end a discussion with one carefully structured observation and soberly delivered statement. I loved her for it. She also invented her own words! This struck me as an awesome skill at the time!
3 SITUATIONAL AWARENESS
Accusing me of day-dreaming, all my grandparents would ground me back to the here and now when I veered into elaborate imaginings. They would scold me to pay attention to my surroundings and the needs of others around me. They did not approve of distraction or time-wasters! Such things as television were not a part of our lives in those years and only in a limited way later, when they did purchase the necessary equipment.
They were always far too busy for a sedentary lifestyle.
4 REDUNDANCY
My paternal grandfather worked for the British Post Office in the London sorting offices. He was perpetually on night shifts and my experience of him was restricted to holidays and weekends.
He taught me to prepare walls and woodwork for decoration, conveying to me the need for attention to detail when preparing for the future.
My maternal grandfather was a long distance lorry driver and he taught me to play chess, to strategise, to outwit opponents and to always consider the worst case scenario whenever making decisions. He would ask me what I imagined would happen and when I told him he would always question "What will you do then?" - he stretched my ability to visualise situations when I was sitting by his side in the lorry cab on long journeys. I loved to go out on the road with him. He explained the logic of road manners and safe driving techniques which served me so well later in life.
5 DIVERSIFICATION
All my grandparents were super skilled with many, many strings to their copious bows. They had lived in London through WW2, had made do, repaired and recycled, negotiated the black market and survived the Blitz.
While caring for me in my early years from 1952 until 1957, as my parents worked, they inspired me to become proficient in a multitude of useful ways.
My paternal grandmother taught me to count with playing cards, to sew, knit, crochet, cook, clean and read palms, purely by involving me and encouraging me to practice these arts until I became expert.
My paternal grandfather showed me that men work too hard and miss too much of family life. He taught me that silence is golden and a smile can say so much more than words. He taught me to obey my grandmother, as he did!
My maternal grandmother taught me the art of careful listening and critical thinking. Her simplicity was best conveyed by this remark I remember her making to my mother, "Why do you need more than one pair of shoes?" and by the contents of her cupboards which were always very full "just in case".
And finally, my maternal grandfather taught me generosity, unconditional love, patience, humour, respect and the importance of full attention to the present moment, because our very lives depend upon it. He taught me to read, to form opinions, to express them succinctly and to bravely stand up for the rights of everyone. His stories of his hard childhood conveyed to me an appreciation for education and the British National Health Service. His memories of fighting alongside my other grandparents and their friends in the Cable Street riots, against Mosely and his fascism in 1936, created a boldness and sense of family pride in me which shone bright over our apparent poverty.
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I was not aware that I was poor when I was five years old.
I thought I was rich beyond measure because I had four amazingly talented teachers who willingly gave me a thorough grounding in these 5 important things and so much more.
They gave me so much, which I store within like an old, precious and dog-eared encyclopaedia continually serving me so well, no matter what this world delivers.
The traditional art of grandparenting is less respected in today's world. Many grandparents do not get to see their extended families due to distance or divorce or even draconian government measures.
The loss of the grandparent as a teacher in modern families may contribute a great deal to the lack of cohesiveness of our societies. It may be part of the reason why so many of our elders are lonely and isolated or shunted into care homes. It may explain why many young people do not value themselves and do not learn adequate life skills because their education in school does not include these character building loving experts and their thought provoking knowledge.
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You were so lucky to have your 4 grandparent.. and even luckier for them to introduce you to the world. I was lucky to only have one, my mother's mother. You are so right grandparents are an integral part of one's life.