I have a friend who would sometimes tell me that he wants to get angry, he wants someone to punch him...he's not crazy, it's just a feeling that he gets sometimes, the need to want to be angry. And at first I thought it was a strange thing, but then I realize that a lot of us do get these kinds of feelings too but in different ways. Sometimes we feel the need to want to be sad, so we go online to watch sad videos or sad movies and just cry our heart out, it's a crazy thing when you think about it, but most times it just makes us feel good.
I had one of those feelings earlier this morning when I got up from bed. I had woken up feeling angry for no reason at first, but then it didn't take long for my brain to come up with one, one that always gets me upset whenever I think about it, although it's also one of the reasons why I told myself "Never again".
You see, back when I used to be addicted to gambling, I would use up all of my money gambling and then would go beg my friends for money, promising to pay them back at a particular date because I had a job at the time. Now unlike most gamblers, I always made sure to keep to my word, I made sure to pay them immediately I had the money because irrespective of how addicted I was to gambling, I also knew that my word was my bond and if I broke it, there would be no one to lend to me tomorrow.
But then something happened one particular day that just kinda set me straight. I had asked a friend for money and he had said no. He didn't say he didn't have it, he had just said no because to him, he felt he knew what I needed it for. I tried explaining to him that I needed it for something else (which was the honest truth) but he never believed me. I remember his eyes that day and how he looked at me like I was a disgrace or a piece of shit.
I remember feeling very angry that day, angry at myself for putting myself in that situation where I gamble to the extent of not having any penny to fend for myself. That was the day I took a decision, not to stop gambling (that stopped later on) but to never put myself in that situation anymore where someone gets to insult me because of money, especially if it's money that I easily could afford on a good day.
And now, whenever I think about that day and how I was spoken to, it just makes my blood boil because if there's one thing I hate more than being disrespected, it's being the reason for the disrespect.
You came out from gambling and I really appreciate it because very few people can come out from gambling and you are one of them. I think no one actually respect a gambler and for the habit of asking money from others they easily insulted by others.
Getting disrespected is something I hate a lot and I always try to avoid anything that would make that happen to me.. That was why I had to set myself straight.
Thanks. It wasn't exactly an easy task though.
Quitting an addiction is never an easy thing. You were able to put an end to it and regain your sense of self
Yeah I did.
Lol, I used to be a gambler too but it all stopped when I changed environment
Changing environment and also the people you hang out with (the gamblers who are your friends) helps a lot.
Just like the environment we spend our time in, the same things start to look good to us, but we should never do it in such a way and we should never adopt the wrong things in a way that will lead to the future. I have to face the problem.
Thank you for reading.
Thank you.