Ok people thanks for gathering here today. it's that time of year again where we have to publish a post explaining what Valueclan is gonna spend the warchest we have for marketing the Hive blockchain this year. Is everyone present. Where's Fran , Where's Fran, I can't see Fran?
"Hive is like a seagull catching the sardines by the trawler. The trawler of decentalisation knows no bounds and web3 is the krayfish stuck to the trawler hull's. But nobody sees the ocean but we at Hive do"
Oh there you are Fran. Tweeting again with your anecdotes I see.
Now I know it is a pain in the balls / tits , and slits for the DEI brigade, having to explain to these Hive morons about what we are going to spend with their money but let us just get it over with, weather the storm so to speak and all will be back to normal life in the next couple of weeks, nothing to see here. Last year we got a lot of heat ........... ALOOOOOOOT of heat around how we spend the funds and the lack of oversight thereof after the money was sent to the various recipients. Even some of the bigger names on the platform stuck the knife in which really irked me to say the least. Like why can't they just DM me about this stuff but anyway.... I 've got nothing to hide. I think each of us are aware that we all came out of it with a somewhat tarnished reputation from it all because essentially we were given the war chest of practically a million dollars to make the Hive Blockchain ,which is free by the way , also with no fees , and with a 20% interest rate on savings , attractive to new users. How hard can that be right???!!!
"Hive is the future, people who know web3 know that we know no boundaries. Traditional banks do not know this. They are like a hollow ship in a deserted bay."
Fran , Fran can we stop interrupting please , I am in the middle of my introduction.
Now I am aware of all the heckling saying that we probably lost more users than gained through blatant misuse of the DHF fund but I keep telling people it is so hard to gauge these marketing campaigns. But overall I think we are all doing a fabulous job even if most of Hive are talking behind our backs saying otherwise. So ignore the heckling or the muted whispers at Hivefest. Hold your head up high and reply with a condescending manner to all probing comments. We are doing a great job. Now lets get in a circle, come now guys , stand up it's not lame, stand in a circle and lets give each other a pat on the back. There you go, now isn't that nice. Great job everybody.
"Hive is like a circle, a circle of friends patting each other on the back, the web3 back. The back of a decentralised society and web3 is the hand. Hive are the fingers."
OK Fran you can sit down again now. Someone escort Fran back to his seat please. @rough, can you go up and get Fran down to his seat?
Anyway back to business.
Now the criticism is not focused on just one thing. People have been criticising most of the projects and also criticising why we are giving so much money to the likes of Venezuela when most of the citizens don't have two pennies to scratch together let alone set themselves up on Hive and invest in the blockchain ,like say for example most economies in Europe. But I say bollocks to all that. Countries like Venezuela and Columbia are critical to the Hive blockchain and the ultimate goal here is to make HBD the national currency for these country. I am thinking of the bigger picture here and I am not going to bend to the whims of the middle class white man on Hive who think we are throwing money away here. Little Pedro paid for bananas today using HBD. H.B.D. That moves my heart. They both did a post about it on Hive. It earned little Pedro $10. little Pedro can now buy a shit load more bananas from his rewards next week so you see how this is working!! Hive is the future. People just don't see it.
"Hive is like a banana, you peel the skin and it unveils a complicated texture but a beautiful fruit"
Ammmmmm thanks Fran, I think!
But Hive users are asking me about the boreholes and how making a well is marketing? How can someone whose basic need is to walk to a well to get water be attracted to a highly sophisticated blockchain? Sure, it is a lovely gesture and a charitable cause but Mohatma has to walk 26 miles home and look after his sheep for the night after his journey? I don't think his mud hut has electricity let alone laptops?
The Hive blockchain is forever indented in these peoples minds and in a few years when their kids grow up and go to school then they will easily onboard as they owe their life to these projects. It's long term marketing ply that many don't understand. The marketing people are too short sighted to even see where we are going with this and so are these morons on Hive.
I am receiving negative comments about how much the rally car is costing us. When you add everything up in the Valueclan wallet it is a significant outlay.
People criticise the rally car but the rally car is our golden goose, our star attraction, our headlining act. What better way to market Hive than seeing a 180 mph car speed past a petrol head that thinks web3 is a ski resort in Innsbruck. We don't need to appeal to the web3 enthusiasts because there are better web3 protocols out there and we are only showing ourselves up. I think instead of decommissioning the rally car that we spent massively on already and gave our two drivers their dream come true. Let us double down and give the team an even bigger rally car. This will attract more users because it has bigger tyres, a bigger engine and its just bigger!!! COME ON YOU GUYS . Let us go big!!! Wooooooooooo.
"Will the new car not cost half the Valueplan budget?"
"Yes but that is not the point" IT'S BIGGER!!!! IT'S A FORD. Did any of you guys watch Ford Versus Ferrari?????
"VRRRRROOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM, IT'S BIGGER!!1"
"How are we going to explain this to the normallys on Give. They are going to go fucking mad over this. Mad!!!"
"I got heckled at Steemfes... I mean Hivefest last time out for agreeing to this substantial outlay."
"Also what happens to the first car we purchased? Did we sell it? Does the money go back the the DHF? We need to be clear on this for the reader. Otherwise you will think they pocketed the sale of the older model car.!!"
"Just tell the reader we are on every rally car magazine on the planet."
"That means something"
"Is there a rally car community on Hive?"
"Do we attract that many users with the rally car?
"Who gives a toss? IT'S BIGGER!!! "
"Where do we take the funds from to upgrade the car?"
Thank you @sockmaids, ever the number cruncher.
"The muscly lads jumping around the place with Hive stickers on their equipment in South America. Hold back on their payment for a couple of months until they sort their house out. They are squabbling away with each other over money again. They have all their equipment purchased at this stage. I don't know why we keep giving them 10K every so often. In other countries private companies would pay these guys to come in and do an event. Do they get money for this ? Don't know why the Shopping Centres cannot do the same there. Do we know if there is another income stream for this business? It is a business right? It looks fishy to me but the next time we give them funds can you tell their leader to not get so injured this time or lose a laptop in a flood!! Since when is a laptop a piece of GYM equipment!!"
"In fact at this stage the conference team in Caracus should have enough pens and t-shirts to last them a life time? Why do we need to keep giving them money"
"Not quite. They have another 52 events in Caracus this year."
"52 events?? That is amazing. Such great work these guys are doing down there!!. I love the photos of their events. All having a nice meal with big happy heads on them. Having the time of their little lives so they are. It brings warmth to my heart. The more conferences they have , the more volunteers are turning up and the larger the dinner table is. It's great. We may even need to up their funding. These guys are doing such great jobs for us."
Some people are commenting saying just hire a world renowned marketing company to do this work for us. Why should we be in the firing line?? I know we are pretty untouchable but it is not stopping people shouting fraud at me on Discord.
That is an excellent question there, an excellent question. The answer is we did try it and it didn't work last time out.
Why not @innocentloners?
Am I don't wanna get into it but it was terrible. They came with their charts, their graphs and their centeralised nerdy haircuts all tidy and all. They went on in a very professional manner around how they were increasing users and how even Dapps like Splinterlands was benefiting and it was so fucking boring man that I fell off my chair. Stupid suits. All wooden and shit. They even came with a strategy. A STRATEGY!! Can you believe these Harvard schmucks? They claimed it was nearly too much money to spend on a small blockchain like Hive. Can you believe their nerve? I also mentioned a few close allies could benefit from getting the funding and they told me this was not how they did things. I found there were too many rules here and I decided it was best to leave them go. A STRATEGY!!! Bunch of know it alls. They told me Musk hired them to do the Dogecoin marketing. What a shit coin that is!! I couldn't wait to get them out the gap.
"I am not sure" " I think it is making us look like frauds and con-artists and I am getting the stink eyes on video calls on Discord asking why one or two people are getting the lions share of the marketing fund even though their projects onboard very few user to the chain. The rally driver rang me up telling me he needs a nicer helmet for his bigger car and he wants 2000 HBD by midnight and I am just finding this all a bit too much for me. I can't cope. MWWWWAHHHHHHHuuuhhhhh.
"Hey hey dry those tears my little angel. Don't let those trolls who are asking about what we are spending their money on get to you like this! They just don't understand the price of things in developing countries. This marketing is easy as we don't need to explain to people why we are not in any way shape or form bringing any value to Hive or increasing the userbase. "If shit hits the fan we are the big dogs remember and we can downvote any post that criticises us and that will be the end of them. Wipe those little tears away from those lovely eyes of yours. These are good projects that will bring users to Hive. GOOD PROJECTS! We have to trust people here and it's not as if any of these countries are corrupt. We have no evidence of corruption in Caracus for example so people should just stop complaining and let us plan to bring Value to the blockchain.
I know I know I shouldn't be upset. So what about the criticism giving huge amounts of funding to the marscrea account which doesn't have any posts or not much HP.
"That is only an escrow account for the funds to go into to transfer to Binance" "It's completely normally to have 1, 2 3 or 50 accounts on Hive. Nothing to see here at all at all.
But the owner of the account doesn't have much HP either. I think he is even powering down??
"But does this make him any less a Hive user. I power down and you power down. We all power down. Big whoopie. We should treat all HP equally. Whether you have 10,000 HP or 15HP."
What about all the criticism about lack of oversight sob sob?
"Hive is like a teardrop in the F.I.A.T world. One single drop can build a forest. A Decentralised Mecca"
"Fran will you stop with your one liners for a minute, @azurenaked is upset."
"Well I'm not going to Africa to taste the water. "I'd be on the bog for a week!!!" Or I ain't going anywhere near that shithole Venezuela. I could get murdered by corrupt coppers, mugged or I could get caught those natural disasters that keep happening there. "
"If "Johnny build a well" decides to build 10 wells costing 100k then who am I to say he doesn't. We ask him to send us photos and he does and he does a nice little educational piece as well that is worth its weight in gold to get funding again. Look at these photos.
See, there's a well and a borehole, and here he is him standing beside another well with a Hive logo.
"Does that well not say " Donated by Mr Beast"?
Funny you should say that I asked the same question.
"No it says Don - ate -by -Mr - Beast"
The guy who builds the wells is called Don and he once had dinner by a lion who was hiding in the long grass beside him so they named the well after this funny story about how Don was close to being eaten. The villagers found it hilarious.
"Makes sense right??"
But Mr Beast built 100 wells for a mere $150,000 in his new Youtube video!! How come it is costing us much more for our wells. We have given the borehole guy over 100,000 HBD in the past year alone . Has he built 100 wells? How many wells do we have?
Source
Source
"Look I get your under a bit of heat, why don't we set up a voting system on the DHF for people who want funding. If it gets a high vote then we can say that the people have spoken and we will fund that project. Simples.
"But all they will say is that we the whales voted for a couple of projects and this is why they are getting funding?"
"Well it is my stake and I love the rally car so I don't really care what people think!If they don't like it then they can buy enough Hive to counter the Valueclan DHF proposal "
"Even if it brings us no new users"
"Yes there I said it. Even if it brings us no new users"
The rally car driver is averaging $4 dollar posts by the way so there must be a couple of people watching their progress. $4 dollar ain't bad for a post these days on Hive!! Popular guy!
"I don't know man this is all too much for me."
"Are we the bad guys now?"
"No no of course not. Having some of the largest stakes on the Blockchain, we can't be the bad guys.
"Give me another year that is all I ask from you guys"
"Come onnnn , we are making a difference. We are giving water to the poor people in Africa, buying two Hive users a rally car and then an even bigger rally car because they came last in the smaller one. They can now live the dream. We are providing gym equipment and clothing for a private company in Columbia who are not covering their participants expenses, funding the 550 blockchain events in Caracus and having the whole Venezeula writing with a Hive pen rather than one of them stupid BIC pens." WE ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE YOU GUYS!!
But should we not be called Charitable Plan then rather than Valueclan. It would make things less tense for us.
People are starting to add up the sums each accounts are getting from the Valueclan wallet. It's a blockchain you guys. Everything is public . Everyone can see and things are pretty indefensible really. It looks really bad on us. Can we just cap the maximum allowance to say 50,000 HBD for one year. Then nobody would bat an eyelid and we can cover more projects?
Maybe if it is a charity then there would be alot less heat and maybe little Johnny can have a rally car and there would be no need to gauge the onboarding after the event. Has Johnny Rally guy anything wrong with him? We could say he is terminally ill and make it a "make a wish foundation" promo out of it . Johnny achieved a dream and lets hope he pulls through type post. People could stomach this more.
We can fund a meal every Sunday for the blockchain conference team in Caracus under the charitable cause of nourishment and everybody will be happy. We could save on the pens and t-shirts costs then.
And we can just fund the wells as we do.
Guys, guys. you gotta spend money to mak.......... to bring users back on Hive.
"Hive is like a well , a decentralised borehole that keeps filling and filling , privacy is its essence just like the bottom of a well........"
WILL SOMEBODY SHUT THAT GOBSHITE UP. JEEZ LOUISE!!!!!
Sorry guys all these debbie downer questions are affecting my Zing and Zang.
Relax guys trust me. There are a few thorns in our side but that's Hive. One of them is looking for money so let us just throw 20k at them and that is one thorn sorted. Everyone is happy. Now we need to end the meeting as I'm off to Monaco for the WRC. Anyone approve me 3,000 HBD for flights and sustenance and maybe 1000 HBD for unexpected costs that may arrive such as an unexpected night on the mojitos!! Uh ohhhh!! Uh ohhhhh!!
Awwwwwwww please guys , Go on. You know I am legit!!!
OK then.
I owe you one guys. If any of you wanna head on a working holiday then hit me up on Discord. Yeeehawwwwww meeting adjourned!!
O man..i wish to know all what u know..🤯
Oh I don't know mate, people just send me things so I can put them into a post slagging Hive off. haha
yeah, sure 😂
Everything costs more in developing countries. That's what they tell me. That's why I am stuck in my shitty country and can't escape.. 🤣🤣
If you're earning the daily wage of someone living in a developing country, it is. The average American lower middle class is equivalent to an upper middle class to rich class in my country's standards. But for real, even I raise an eye brow at how some posts make it sound like the situation is desperate, when comparing the prices of basic necessities, it's not that far from the costs of daily living in the Philippines. It's like posts have to sound poverty porn worthy sometimes that I just stop reading and move on.
There is a bit of poverty porn going on when you read them. Sometimes it seems like people are scratching in the dirt for corn and you think, will surely a regular hive income of hbd must be helping!?
I doubt any long term life changing benefits they derived here financially would mount to anything. There will be exceptions, maybe some actually made some good fortune shitposting something here but majority would be busy surviving to be worried about hostile blockchain takeovers and their stake making an impact. Hard to sell ideas of anti-censorships and greater cause when most are on survival mode.
The price of galvinise is gone through the roof in Bangledeish. If you sold the house in Scotland , you could bearly cover the roof in your new abode.
Haha, aye, mibve I will just stay put 😀😀
hahahahahahaha I might have to get back here again for the long comment but LOL charitable plan sounds like the best name for it.
I might not up to date with all these but honestly...I've talked about some accountability needed or some type of penalty if they didn't deliver as promised but eh, I guess magic internet money 🤣 so no need for any accountability.
Now this was damn long!!!
How many hours or days did it take you to come up with this?
About 20 mins . Just flows into the page