He Could Not Believe His Eyes What He Saw In The Headlights of The Bus

in The Ink Well2 years ago (edited)

On that fateful night, something happened in Aroma that caused the whole city to panic. When my grandmother told me about this story, I, myself, felt a little scared.

Grandma, "It was such an incident that I was afraid to travel on buses late at night after that incident."

I looked at her with curiosity as I wanted to know the rest of the story!

"Now, more than two decades have passed, but the story of that haunted bus on Route 230 is still fresh in the memories of the citizens of this area."

After listening to my grandmother's story, I wanted to check old newspapers, but it seemed really too scary.

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Hello @rayt2,
I read this story the other day and liked it a lot. At the time I didn't pay particular attention to the 'hook', but you have a great one there.

On that fateful night, something happened in Aroma that caused the whole city to panic.

Tell me more!!That's what readers will be thinking. That line does pull us in. You do this seamlessly. The line blends with the rest of the story, which is driven along by the narrator's insistence, "Tell me more, Grandma".

The whole thing is perfectly creepy, even down to the hunt for old newspapers, and the unevenly decomposing bodies.

Great ghost story!

 2 years ago  Reveal Comment

I love ghost stories, and this one is delightful, @rayt2. Good thing the man and the boy got off that bus!

 2 years ago  Reveal Comment

That is a creepy story, @rayt2. You certainly incorporate the prompt. The repeated request to hear more from 'Grandma' gives energy to the narrative. Readers are thinking, "Yes, more!"

The difference in decomposition of the bodies adds to the creepiness and the credibility of the ghost theory. The one part that is a little confusing is the gas tank. It's filled with water, but then later there is a statement that there wasn't enough gas to go 100 kilometers. On re-reading it appears to make sense, because the implication seems to be that the gas tank was not large enough to hold gas for a 100 kilometer journey. But it did take two readings for that point to be clear.

You did a good job in delivering a creepy ghost story. Thank you for sharing this piece with us. We very much appreciate that you actively engage with other authors.

 2 years ago  Reveal Comment

It is indeed a scary story. It's unfortunate the police didn't believe the story at first. But I still wonder how those bodies decomposed so quickly, alluding to the fact that they were already dead before, right? Fictions are quite imaginative and interesting. Well done

 2 years ago  Reveal Comment

A horror story worth reading. The mysteries that plague the story entice the reader to keep reading to find out what happens. Although the mysteries are unveiled, it remains in the reader's mind what is going on. Masterful.

Keep writing.

 2 years ago  Reveal Comment

This is why I dislike the police force, they wouldn´t believe things like this until they experience it themselves. Thanks to the old man who quickly noticed. Perhaps they might have died alongside the driver and conductor.

 2 years ago  Reveal Comment

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 2 years ago  Reveal Comment

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 2 years ago  Reveal Comment

You got me so scared but it's fiction anyways, good work @rayt2

 2 years ago  Reveal Comment

Thank God this is fiction. Almost had me scared of busses.

 2 years ago  Reveal Comment

@silentbot star 3

 2 years ago  Reveal Comment

Ghost stories like this one bring me back to my childhood days when there was no electricity in our village, and my cousins and I sat together outside of our houses and talk about stories related to supernatural beings under the moonlight.

Really scary and interesting story, I'd admit I was hooked and wanted to know more. Thankfully the old man noticed the weird people and was smart enough to get them off the bus intelligently.

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 2 years ago  Reveal Comment

You're welcome

How did that man take notice of the three strange men? Wow. Life saver.

Shudder

I'd never get on a bus if i happen to hear a story like that.

 2 years ago  Reveal Comment

Although the police hadn't believed on what they said, but finally they learned the whole truth.This story is nicely narrated.

 2 years ago  Reveal Comment