Living With PTSD A Love Hate Relationship

in OCD2 years ago

When someone talks about PTSD. Your first thought is oh they've seen some shit, but not knowing of what and how they got PTSD. When I first heard and learned about PTSD my first thought that came to mind was trauma and what I read about when someone has PTSD has night terrors, waking up in the middle of the night, physically walking or talking. Like I thought it was just that. Just like a never ending nightmare someone can never escape. That was then till I met my significant other.

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When we first met and started dating, I had no idea or at least half of what I was getting myself into. He told me prior that he was a military veteran...so you would think I'd have a understanding that ok yes he has PTSD, I know what to do. I was mistaken. As the weeks and months go by and the more comfortable he become with me and our relationship I started to see more of his "moments". Now these "moments" range and differ with people depending on how bad the trauma is.
Its kind of like living with two people, but its one person. Now before anyone comes at me saying I don't know what I'm talking about with PTSD...well you're right I don't. I don't think anyone really does. But this is just me talking about my personal experience while being with my fiancé.

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The more I learned of his past and the trauma he's been through, the more I learned of what PTSD is. I see PTSD as a demonic nightmare you can never escape from. The constant flash backs and remembering of the pain just flooding and drowning you till you're waking up in a cold sweat gasping for air and scared to fall back asleep again to just end up in front of the chaos you just want to escape from. I'm a very compassionate being. I hate seeing someone in pain and not having control to help. But I've realized I've been helping him more than I realize that I am. Just being there for him and letting him talk it out with me and just being there for moral support helps him alot. Trust me there are fights and misunderstandings at times. We do have disagreements like any other couple but we always get through it together.

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I'm so proud of him of how far he has come and what he's gone through by himself and now he has me to get through it so he won't have to do it alone. I was so ecstatic the day he asked me to marry him :D that was the highlight of our relationship. I wouldn't change a thing about him. I mean he is a knuckle head at times but I don't love him any less. I've done alot more and achieved more for myself since we've been together and I'm thankful for him coming into my life and vice versa.

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I want to thank anyone who takes the time to read this and I thank all the military and veterans for everything they have done for our country. They deserve a lot more than what they do and or are appreciated for. <3

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PTSD is quite the crazy condition that so many people can relate to and so many more try to hide and cover up.

So true, a lot of people are embarrassed to have it and don't share their condition, unless they have an "episode" as some people call it and then feel like they have to explain their behaviour away. That isn't right, if more people were properly diagnosed in a timely fashion and it was destigmatized there would be a lot more Veterans, Police Officers and other frontline workers that received treatment and wouldn't have to suffer through it alone.

I'll be honest conventional treatment is absolutely deplorable and does more harm.

It wasn't until I started going to Native American sweat lodge and starting to reconnect with my traditional cultural heritage and belief systems.

During my native medicine Man apprenticeship I started talking with a bunch of the Native American veterans because I've done a lifetime of community service with these individuals and I asked them since they obviously had things way worse than I did... What do you do what do you do to heal how do you go about finding therapy that actually works.. or a therapist that isn't just going to get horrified freak out and go crazy on you....

Basically the wisdom that they gave me was that it's all wrapped up in my head and I can let it go at any time but I just have to mature enough and allow enough time to go by that eventually the scars will heal. However of course conventional therapy isn't going to help and the only thing you can do is spend time with others. Help them through things...

A sheltered protected person who understands only the clinical side? Will never relate and will never be able to connect with the patient in the ways that they need.

Going through Native American sweat lodge ceremony together and then sitting and eating afterwards and being able to talk and share experiences as well as ways that we try to manage the post-traumatic stress flare-ups.....

That is the only way that truly helps.

Being a part of a small community that is able to watch and heal our soldiers when they come back from the battlefield? That is the strength of the Native American tribes.

Instantly one soldiers return back from war zones they instantly get full Native American cultural training and as well they're isolated among the Native American veterans and we debrief and train with them being our range safety officers and training team leadership.

This institutes a lot of respect for our traditions as well as honoring the sacrifice and promise that these young men have Went to war and have acquitted themselves on her ably on the battlefield. The knowledge of current warfighting is past to the entire warrior cadre. The young man are honored and recognized for what they do. And we have a full integration planned to slowly integrate them back into the community. However unlike the United States army where they just basically dump you back into society randomly with little to no oversight and support systems....

We do a little bit better in helping our warriors and PTSD isn't just one section... All of our warriors can take advantage of the support systems and that is one of the big things is that we really help and send out hope for people needing that healing.

I may we all be able to help out each other to heal from trauma. Which is another main reason why I advocate cannabis use.... That definitely helps.

Well said. Too many of us won't seek conventional treatments, either because of embarrassment, friends/family sharing a bad past experience or past bad experiences of our own; myself included.

I spent a lot of years suffering because traditional treatments no longer worked for me and I was ready to give up. The truth is, if it wasn't for my medicinal plants and oils I'd have given up and probably be dead by now. Thankfully, I was blessed to find a doctor that understood and was willing to prescribe it for my pain mainly, but it made a huge difference in my mental quality life as much as it helped with the physical quality. I started getting healthier the day I stopped with traditional treatments and switched to cannabis for sure and I'm absolutely more happy nowadays too.

It would not be remiss if all first responders were permitted cannabis use on their off duty hours, as long as they were "fit for duty" when required. I bet that would make for a lot less stress/anxiety in their lives and in their families/friends lives, because they see what's happening with us before we do.

Sent ye 3 HIVE get more luck chips

Hello lovely lady! 😊

Speaking from personal experience as both a retired ex-military member and spouse of one, that anyone that has gone overseas and seen the crud going on over there will have some form of PTSD, how could we not, it's traumatic if you're not mentally prepared for what you see/saw and nobody can be 100% mentally prepared for a lot of it.

Being a military spouse is not easy, the long tours of duty, the crazy hours when you're prepping for a field ex, parade, or whatnot...they all take a toll on the member and their families. I'm sure your fiancés grateful that he's been blessed with someone compassionate like yourself to help him get through it. Not every military member has that and those that do don't always show their appreciation for it as much as we should. If we're very blessed we get to work things out with our partners/spouses/families before they get too bad and we can recover over time together, that's what my handsome husband and I did and we're heading towards our 31st wedding anniversary in a few more weeks.

I wish you and your fiancé many, many years of blessings, little fights with big sessions of making up.

God bless you and your wonderful family. Have an awesome day! 😊

Thank you so so much. It means alot to me. Truly from the bottom of my heart :)

You're most welcome. We've got to support each other. 😊

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