What strange days. It rained yesterday and I just sat by the window all day thinking that's life. Through tears and the sun. Therefore, yesterday, together with the rain, there was sadness. There was a lot of it, in the morning, during lunch and after dinner. Because loneliness is a feeling. We cry more when we are lonely and less often when we are happy. I am sad because my husband is away from me all week. I miss human closeness in this foreign country.
And today the sun was shining in the morning. I got up, got out of bed, made some coffee, and as if that loneliness disappeared. With dreams, faith, plans, which - I swear - I will implement. There is strength as if before the most awaited journey of life. Because who else but me, and why not from today?
I wanted to cry yesterday. Absolutely out of everything - for the old man sitting in the wheelchair, for the child who asked his mother to buy an apple from the nearby market, for the couple sitting on the bench lovingly hugging each other, because I know it ends. Fate likes to separate people, and if it doesn't, death separates them. But I suppressed my stupid sadness. And I turned on the faith button again. After all, if I go a little against the current and use my days properly, maybe I will believe in life again and that I can do anything. Believe in life, when you live, and not exist. When you have carefully made a plan in the morning, you walk with hope, courage, for yourself and for others. For everybody. When you feel with all your heart that you can't stop, and you can't stop believing anymore. For yourself - only for yourself.
Human life consists of little things. Happiness may come from drinking an ordinary morning cup of coffee, and the best plans may be born simply by jogging.
And the endless desire to change yourself and turn your life in a different direction comes with a kick in the ass. True, everyone is different. One needs an accident, a coma, misfortune, a fight, a breakup, the loss of something, another needs the right book, thought, word, person. Everyone is different. I hope I have learned my lesson. And you may learn yours.
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With love @madeirane
Photo is taken by me.
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