illustrations by Storyset
My wife and I saw a video on TikTok that sparked this conversation. It was about a mother whose daughter was being bullied and blackmailed by her classmate. The mother, who is Nigerian but now living in the United Kingdom, complained about the school and parenting in the country, and compared it with schooling in Nigeria where parents share similar culture and parenting styles.
My initial reaction to the video was that she needed to move to a better neighborhood with better schools. Environment plays a significant role in a child's development, so it is imperative to start your family in a community where members share the same values. That doesn't insulate them from bad influences, but it makes your job as a parent easier.
I remember growing up as a young teen and how it was difficult for my mom to raise me alone because my dad was away in another country. Fortunately for her, she had cultivated a good network of friends and communities around the church. So the people I knew as friends outside of school were either my next-door neighbors or from church.
Additionally, most of the kids in my neighborhood were predominantly from respectable homes, and the community had its unique way of observing and reporting on you as a child if you were moving with the wrong crowd. However, this doesn't guarantee anything because some of my mates ended up in the wrong circle, but most of us turned out to be respectable young men and women.
When it comes to friendships, I believe our friends are our second community outside our family. They provide support and color to our lives. However, most of the people we call friends were not vetted. Most of the friendships we claim to have almost happened accidentally and at a young age. Unfortunately, these sorts of friends are not always able to help us as we get older.
Also, friendships can be fickle. As I get older, my need to have more people in my space has drastically decreased. My circle mainly consists of my wife, siblings, and mother. Most of the people I call friends live far from me, and it is difficult to maintain because I am not the type of person to call or text people if it's not for something urgent or important.
Now that I will be relocating to another country soon, I do wonder how I will structure my social life because things like community and friendships are going to become a lot more important, and I will have to invest time into these things to create a safe and enjoyable space for my family.
My first thought is to go to church more. Being a Christian is an important part of my life, so I want to be around people who share my faith. Secondly, I would like to find a community of Nigerians. I want my kids to be ingrained in their culture. I am a proud Igbo man, and I want to pass that part of me on to my kids.
In conclusion, this post has mainly being about what one can benefit from their community and friendship, however, I want to also highlight the importance of being active community member and reliable friends. We can achieve these things by providing our communities with the things we want to get in return.
So yeah, this is my little ramble.