Over the years, (I'm 167 years old so there's been many), I've had my buttons pushed more times than I can count - I mean people trying to unsettle, destabilise or hurt me for whatever reason. It's worked at times, there's things that people can say or do that cause me to react in various ways but these ways don't often go well for the button-pusher. There's less buttons these days, or maybe I am more adept at hiding what they are, so it doesn't happen as often however it still happens from time to time and last week it occurred...and I reacted predictably and in the only way I know how in response to that particular thing in that particular setting.
I've lived my life stringently to a code of honour and integrity (as I see them) and while I've not always been my best version (I'm human after all) those two things, upholding them, mean a lot - I wouldn't be true to myself if I compromised and so I do not. Maybe that's why people feel they can push my buttons in various ways and while they may see something to gain they often don't get the reaction or result they envisage.
I tend not to get rattled when people do it although I certainly get annoyed and despite usually not wanting it to show it's sometimes quite plain to see. People push buttons to gain an advantage in negotiations, whether business or personal, as a way to destabilise or hurt the other person - it's actually a very effective tool when interrogating someone - and it's on those occasions when it's vitally important not to let the annoyance show no matter how upset, rattled or destabilised one may be. It was this situation that occurred last week in a business setting and I'm pleased to say I didn't have to kill anyone I mastered my reactions and performed as I had initially wanted to; the result was positive.
I've reacted badly at times as most probably have and I think that's normal - it's ok to be human and not perfect (because perfection doesn't exist) - and we learn from those occasions, or should.
On the plane flying home from that meeting I was thinking about how the individuals in that boardroom sought to destabilise me taking what they thought they knew about me and my organisation and twisting it out of shape and I thought about how I'd handled it: Was I professional, did I get my message across, did I seek to bridge the relationship-gaps, show value, leave a positive impression, did I influence them as required, build layers of value and a a roadmap to move forward? I think so, to lesser and greater degrees I suppose, but I certainly felt happy with the way I dealt with the scenario and I think moving forward, having weathered that 'storm' as I did, it will go a long way to building a good relationship.
Pushing people's buttons can be a very effective way to gain desired results and is a useful tool at times; it can also be a very hurtful thing (for the button-pusher, button-pushee or both) and I think it needs to be used with caution lest the result be less than desirable; there's a time and place I guess and if doing it one needs to accept that it may backfire.
How do you react when people push your buttons, seek to destabilise or unsettle you in either a business or personal setting? Do you take the bait, stand your ground, retaliate? I've done all three over the years depending on the situation, you? Have you used butting-pushing to your advantage? Feel free to tell me your experiences as I believe everyone has had their buttons pushed at some stage, or done it themselves.
Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp
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Image(s) in this post are my own
I did not know that such a young person could get so far, congratulations. About the situations in which someone can pressure you, the truth is that I don't remember any, I'm sure there were, but it's been years since I worked for anyone and I'm sure I erased from my memory some bad moment. However, in consultation if I have had people who have pressured me, there are patients who can be very hurtful, when this happens, sometimes I have to stop and think that it is not something personal, breathe, and apply the only formula I know to change things: not to repeat patterns. Not to fall into the client's provocation. Best regards
I think it's a good learning opportunity, being pressured and having someone push one's buttons. I had it happen from a young age, brutal racial vilification, and I learned so much from it which helped me do what I had to do in life and become who I am. Of course, I guess some people might not like who I've become and some of the things I've done but those who care about me, those who look deeper than what they at first may perceive do. It's enough for me.
Thanks for your comment, have a good Tuesday.
Here again, I am now in a short break, With this comment you have reminded me of the harassment I suffered when I arrived in Spain, which included at the age of 6 years old my head being split open by a stone. Those years affected me in a very negative way for a long time. Now I also see them as a learning experience and as part of the person I have become. A sometimes tough person. Have a great end of the day
It builds character, but it sure is hurtful at the time. For me, I learned a lot about human nature, how terrible they could be...and I vowed to be different.
Unfortunately, I've experienced someone pushing my buttons lately. I am a pretty fair person and when someone acts in a way that is not clear or fair it gets me out of my nerves. I am an impulsive person and cannot stand people trying to profit from any unfair situation. I cannot stand in a conversation when someone very calm is trying to get something from me using unfair tactics.
Usually, after I let some time go by, I am able to relax, see the way the other party is trying to hurt me, and act in the best way to avoid any damage. It is not easy sometimes but it is always much better than reacting impulsively.
Seeing what's going on is important as is determining the right way to deal with it. I don't believe people who say it's never happened to them, it happens to us all, and it's what we do when it happens that means the most.
There you go again Methuselah, I hope you live to be 969... Hahaha.
Like you, I react differently to different people and circumstances, it all depends on some factors. If for example it was my boss or my superior who pushed my button, I would play calm except of course I'm tired of the job already. But if it's my subordinate, it would be a different ball game entirely, so in all, I can decide to be calm and walk away, or blow the top and let all hell loose.
969? Hmm, that might be a bit of a stretch...I'd be happy with 968.
How we react to those who push our buttons certainly depends on who it is and why, I agree that it's best to be cautious with one's reaction until it's clear what reaction is required and what ramifications it may have later. I tend to be quite decisive whether that means I have to act in retaliation or make the decision to walk away and deal with things down the track.
You are right!
968 is just fine... And then you will be the only one left in the Park...
Lol, yeah...I doubt humans will be around in the years to come so I'll have the whole place to myself. Perfect!
You could have Dinosaurs for company... 😂
This is one of the reasons why I decided to go away from the corporate world. Dealing with assholes and people pushing one's buttons will be more common as one goes up the ladder. I guess it was because my parents were bosses in their companies as well, and I heard their stories all the time. I was never really scared of talking back to my boss or other bosses. I will follow their instructions and work properly, but I won't really sugar coat anything. Every time one of the other teams try to pin the problem on our team, I stand my ground and push back with facts.
Yeah, the corporate world can be difficult to accept for people with certain personalities; I don't really enjoy it, too much bullshit and ego's in play. Still, I navigate it - for me the key to it is not to buy into the shit, uphold my ethics and integrity and to stay professional.
That is, you have absolute control of your reactions, I imagine that it has been a whole process throughout your 167 years.
When I started working, let's say that I had to work in a hostile environment, so I was under a very competitive and destabilizing stalking all the time.... I don't know how I resisted, sometimes I was afraid, very afraid, but I was very motivated to focus on the important things.
In this way I learned to react better when they try to touch certain buttons and also why not? to return the touches....
I have learned that sometimes, being too direct can be complicated, even if it means to stop being sincere, so if it is not necessary I keep a low profile and avoid confrontations only when they do not go against my values as a human, although as a Caribbean I fight against my explosive impulses... I have succeeded, yes, I have.
You are an old soul in a young body, I admire you.
It's an important skill to avoid confrontation in the workplace and yet not appear aloof from others, but I think it's necessary for one's own peace of mind and to maintain one's personal values. It seems you're able to do it so well done there.
Yes, I was able to do well here... I survived.
Interesting topic. This world is full of many interested people and to get what they want they push many buttons, like everything in this world there is almost always something to take in return for that push. The methods are diverse, the pressure is one of the favorites, but as you say sometimes it is counterproductive to abuse to push the button so much... everything has a measure, greetings friend @galenk!
Yes indeed, you say it rather well.
Pushing buttons (everyone does this, anyone who says otherwise is not being honest) - there are many ways.
I feel a bit of intolerance when someone pushes my buttons and before (I can say) I was more chaotic in my reactions than nowadays.
I am not a role model in any aspect of life. I am simply nani, the imperfect one, trying to improve.
I agree, those who say they have but donebut are lying. Also, trying to improve is better than not trying so keep doing it. ✅
Certainly there will be situations that make you disengage, and that is where we have the choice of what we want to be. The best version of yourself! good phrase.
The uncomfortable, destabilizing moments will always be there, I think, in the work environment, although also in the secular. But the point is, what will we choose to be at that moment? I think it is important to stop before answering and yes, that is where the expression you mentioned should come from, to be the best version of oneself! ,why let out that which we know will not contribute at all to good relationships or peace ?
Good saying @galenkp
There's times when people need to take actions that may not work positively towards others and I believe that's righteous; punishing a criminal for instance. I think a person can be one's best version at the same time.
Of course I think it has happened to all of us, we have been pressured by bellboys.... many times they have wanted to pressure me both for simple things and not so simple things, they wanted to disturb me and things like that.
Now with the experience of so many years, although they are not 167, I keep relatively calm thinking quickly how I will react, usually indifference and downplaying the importance of the fact helps. But I always stand my ground. And it has often worked in my favour in the end.
But it's also true that all three have happened to me in my life.
Example: when I am pressured to do something or say something that encroaches on my privacy, I stand my ground and respond intelligently and directly, giving no room for further pressure.
Have you ever pushed someone's buttons?
I don't remember doing it, I know how ugly it feels to have it done to me.
Everyone has done it at one point or another,
It's true and sometimes we don't even realise it.
Good morning!
Here it is already time to sleep...
The world is full of idiots and fools. It is inevitable to come across such people, although I usually ignore them. Sometimes it is necessary to set limits in the way we think is convenient for them to respect us. With so many years they should already have a superior resilience.
I like your candor and I agree with you completely.
I probably take the bait most times. I unfortunately have a pretty thin skin, so it isn't too hard to do that. I'm working on it though. I think the fact that I recognize it is a first step. I have an older sister, so I pretty much grew up an expert at pushing buttons. If I had a dollar for every time I instigated something but she got in trouble for it, I'd be so rich!
Yeah, knowing it means you can work out some strategies to address it. I think we can all be thin skinned at times though, it's just human nature and it's ok to human now and then.
Most definitely have had my buttons pushed, as well as done a fair amount of pushing others buttons over the years, siblings normally a great target or very close friends. Always aware of not over doing it!
This sort of thing needs to be used with caution although can be an excellent tool when used correctly.
It can be, although not always safe when some abuse it.
It's like that here we try to live a good life and not cause problems to people because of us but people don't want that way at all they interfere in our life and try to spoil our life.
I think every person on the planet has interfered with someone else's life in some way and at some point; it's unavoidable.
Many years ago I used to think that the best response to button pushing was to ignore completely. Keep quiet or walk away. But I got to realize that there is a time to keep quite and a time to speak.
Because I ignore I got more my buttons pushed often.
“I will try, he does nothing in reply. That means he is cool with it.”
Not anymore though. Letting people get away with their shenanigans never benefited me. Anyone that warrants same reply I do so immediately.
It seems like you've thought it through and choose to be selective with whom you allow to affect your life more because of it.
How one treats another, says a lot about them. If the treatment is to Belittle the other. It is a clear picture of how small minded they are. However, if buttons are pushed to assess a persons integrity to build trust and a relationship. It’s an amazing tool.
I naturally withdraw from such people. And keep my space as professional as I can.
There's pros and cons, the knack is knowing which is which and acting accordingly.
😂😂😂 I like the way you started G.
167 years old... Trust me man, you're definitely living long with your smartest and modesty combined.... Some people say push and pull... I don't even get that but is it weird that I fined the situation amusing... Push those buttons man😂
I put my longevity down to healthy living, loads of sleep and water. I'm hoping to hit 210 years old.
You might end up surpassing that and actually hit a 1000 plus🥰🥰🥰🥰
I always regret it, as of now, I need to learn how to handle when someone pushing the button. I need over the years. 😁
One must continue to learn throughout life.
Yes, I'm open to new learnings.
It's an interesting topic and I don't think there's a manual on how to proceed in these situations.
I'm still young and from the Caribbean (hot-blooded they say 😅), I know I still have a lot to learn, but every time they've pushed my buttons I tend not to react in the best way. I'm not a role model at all, but I try to improve and learn, little by little I've been refining this and I've been learning to give it a second thought and see if it's worth reacting. And as for me being the one pushing the button, I think about it several times and put myself in the other person's shoes since I don't like it when they do it to me, but life is not that simple.
So, personally, I don't usually get back at someone when they push my buttons, but I definitely don't forget the lesson I learned from the situation. Knowing how to handle or live with that person will help me in the future. We're all flawed humans, like you said, so there's always room to improve how we deal with others!