What does home mean to you?
Home is wherever I might be, at least how it was in the past when I was constantly moving around. I once wondered if there was a corner somewhere I could call home only to find myself going back to where I grew up. I find myself coming back to a smaller town where it’s far from urban conveniences. I am guessing it has its own charm but more importantly, these days there’s only me and my parents.
In the past, I could never be home for more than a month, I would get irritable and vexed but now, with only me and my parents, it feels a lot more calmer. I am at last, with the people who truly accept me as I am.
Perhaps, this is going temporary but who knows, I am just like the people I grew up with anyway. A lot of my friends left the town for a better life only to find themselves seeking refuge once in a while when their life went awry and lost.
Some people swear by their life to never look back because they believe that staying in this small town only diminishes their dreams and ambition. While I used to think the same, nowadays, I see the perks of living in small towns with all of its imperfectness.
Welcome to my brain dump, it’s morning and when I am able to sit down, sipping a cup of coffee while contemplating about life and emptying it out a little.
I don’t see myself as romanticizing it anymore rather seeing it from the lens that I am actually living the life. It looks different because when we romanticize it, in the back of our mind, our life sucks and boring. But when you’re living it, it means we accept that it might be boring and sucks. Rather than sold to the idea of aestheticism that comes attached to romanticized life, it all becomes something a lot more practical.
Personally, I have made peace with a lot of things in my family. It’s why I would want to spend a few years together with my adoptive dad, who probably has not much time left & while goodbyes are never easy, at least I’ll be remembering only the good things. Besides, all he does these years have been supportive and one of the few people in life that truly accepts my identity. So, it’s part of me paying respect to the person who raised me.
It’s why these days I see home as a place where I feel comfortable to be who I am and the people in it respect my identity. That’s something that’s not easy to find and it took me a while to get to this point. It’s why home is more than just an address or a geographical location, at least for me.
Another thing that comes to mind on my way of getting my coffee was the idea of “title”.
Does it truly matter if you are a writer, a singer, a curator, an owner, founder,co-founder, etc?
I honestly don’t see the appeal or necessity in that. But I get how we relied on those identity because of just the way our society functions. Most of us are only skilled in one topic only and somehow conditioned to believe that we can only do one thing. But what if a person can be a doctor, a scientist, a writer, etc? how would they define themselves? just jack-of-all trades but a good one?
More often than not, titles also affect the way people perceive us. Perhaps you’ve seen how it plays and so do I. If you have a certain title, people rarely see you as your personality rather what you can offer to the other party and how both can benefit from it. I suppose this transactional part of title is something I despise but maybe I’ll yield, I’ll give myself title and act like I know a goddamn thing about things just like most people where they pretend and act like they know their stuff.
I’ve been telling myself to do the things I am scared of daily and one of them is succumbing to mediocrity and following the waves. But, I guess, maybe there’s no harm in trying to blend in and stop being against the wave. Afterall, I notice that changing something requires being in the wave and showing them another way to do things instead of being so adamant about shoving our ways that might be unfamiliar to others.
I have seen a lot of examples such as FOSS activism. I used to get so into it but I realized that by having the holier than art thou approach is a bad idea. Nobody is going to check out any FOSS product and even bother to use it because the mentality that some people have where they think because they use a certain OS is smarter than everyone else.
You’re not everyone’s cup of tea, suck it up
There’s one quote that I recently came across, you’ll always be the villain in someone else’s story. I resonate with that a lot. It doesn’t matter if you try your best to do good, you’d still be a villain, just like how you can be the hero in someone else’s life.
I used to try pleasing everyone and hoping that I would make no mistake. But guess what, even when I consider trying my best, I would still be the villain. This understanding that I am not everyone’s cup of tea helps me stand straight while I walk and be confident. I am doing what I can and if that wasn’t enough or appreciated by others, I’d be fine with it, which is a part of my personal development this year.
My coffee finished, see you next morning.
 | 𝘔𝘢𝘤 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘫𝘢 & 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘳 . 𝘈 𝘵𝘺𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘰𝘱𝘩𝘺. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨, 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴, 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘖𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘣𝘭𝘶𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺. 𝘚𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘤𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴. 𝘍𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘫𝘰𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯! 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘱𝘷𝘰𝘵𝘦, 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘈 𝘳𝘦-𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘰. |
I totally agree with this one because no matter how well you treat other people, there will be people who'll only see the bad in you. Even your simple mistake matters to them. For years, I've always tried to be someone that other people like, but just when I'm at the lowest point of my life, none of what I've done truly matters. Those people will not accompany you on the hardest days of your life. So now, I just focused on people important to me rather than trying to be goody two shoes with all the people I knew.
That too! it's better to focus on our life and people that are important to us. It took me a while to realize that but I am glad it isn't too late that sometimes life can be like that.
It's clear that you've navigated through much personal growth and understanding, particularly in how you define your environment and your interactions with it. This blend of personal insight and broader societal observation offers a rich narrative.
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Thank you! I always enjoy writing this bits.