I have spent much of my life living in the hope that I would reach a point where enough of my "difficult stuff in life" would have been taken care of so that I could live in relative peace.
As I go through life... and face the turbulence that keeps coming my way... I increasingly believe that there is no normal; there are no peaceful months I will ever be able to "get to." Everything in life is just one long series of clusterfucks I will never feel like I can get on top of.
This day started "late."
Or maybe it actually started early, because as soon as I got up, I could hear the sound of hedge trimmers and chainsaws, as the neighborhood association maintenance crew were out there working on the neighbor across the street's hedge... which largely died this past winter during our week of extreme freeze.
One of our eucalyptus trees on the property line towards the street is next... because it also did not make it through the cold snap. And — unless I were willing to get out there to a mess — I'd better be "on deck" and ready to point at the right things.
So I'll be late getting to things I actually intended to do... even though I got started early.
Such is life, sometimes!
These days, making a living seems to be getting increasingly difficult. I was watching a YouTube clip the other day which showed how real income has only risen about 30% since the 2008 recession, which the cost of living has risen on the order of 175%.
People see this, and recognize this, and talk about it like it is inevitable, and then go on to do nothing about it.
I don't think I'm asking a lot. I just want to be able to put effort into doing things that will make us money... and cause a resulting "steady flow" of cash, that's enough to fund life. Across all areas. It's just a matter of finding making the time to get it done.
I spend a lot of time feeling tired. Well, it's not really tired, as such... more like "weary."
Weariness runs through my bones. I don't really want to spend my life feeling weary, but most of the time it feels like life is "bigger" than I am... and it tires me out. Ironically, I tend to sit around and make "motivational speeches" to persuade others that they can succeed in life because "the way to eat an elephant... is one bite at a time" and yet I have had very little success at "eating" my own elephant.
Or it ends up feeling like there are two elephants coming my way.
I have considered — a lot — what the true meaning of the concept of "support" really is. Support — to me — is what happens when you see someone having to dig a huge trench under time pressure... and you pick up a shovel and help them dig.
Support is not others seeing that someone is digging and cheering them on from the sidelines. Whereas that might make the digger feel good for a moment, fact remains that there is a hole to be dug, and a deadline.
The cheering won't get the hole finished any faster. I have spent my life wishing I could find fellow diggers, but they have been remarkably absent from my world. And that... is part of why I so often feel sad.
Thanks for stopping by, and have a great Friday!
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Created at 2024-05-17 01:55 PDT
1147/2405
"Click on the needle to relief & release the presure in the furrow"