Mental health is often on my mind lately, partially because my own feels so degraded over the last years. Yet, despite the drop, I haven't yet descended into the game of blame, where I attribute all of my ills to others, taking no responsibility for myself to make a change. So much of society these days seems to position the individual as helpless in their own plight, with no personal power to act differently. On top of this, there is this drive to disconnect from each other, to breakdown communities and let people do as they please, even if doing what they please is harmful to themselves and other.
I will make a bold statement.
Mother doesn't know best.
That is just based on the common saying, but parents in general don't know what is best for their own children, because they don't even know what is good for themselves. Or, even if they do know, they are incapable of implementing into routines and behaviors of their children, which is why so many kids seem to be struggling through their lives.
We can blame pandemic lockdowns and war in recent years, but they are catalysts that have increased the slide, not causes of the slippery slope. The slope creator predates all of that and the real driver over the last decade and a half has been the sharp increase in parents using screens as baby sitters, learning aids, distractors and parents. And, "parents" have done this because it is far easier than actual parenting, and it frees up time for the parent to do other things that are more important than parenting, like scrolling a social feed themselves.
The real epidemic is a social virus, that has made entertainment the biggest consumer of our time, because it leads to obsessive and addictive behavior. And, as we know, obsessive and addictive behavior are also going to lead to anti-social behaviors, which means not only is the entertainment consumption breaking down community, but the impact it has on out attitudes and behaviors are going to speed that breakdown. And, when people are disconnected, floating, and unpurposed, they are also going to chase relevancy.
Relevancy in society used to come through the work we could do to add value to the community, like a trade. And through the relationships we had in the community, like family and friends. However, as individualism has been pushed with such fervor as it drives consumerism, we have continually decreased our natural paths of relevancy. In fact, what does "relevancy" mean to an individual living alone on an isolated island? There is no purpose other than personal survival, there is no value add.
And now from a young age, we have been teaching kids how to isolate themselves physically, and how to build their identity into engineered digital environments. It is no wonder that they are experiencing anxiety in the world, because they haven't learned how to deal with reality from childhood, where they would have been exposed to graduated amounts of challenge. We have protected them from discomfort not because it is the right thing to do for their development, but because it is the easiest thing for us.
While many apps and television shows are marketed as being educational for young children, countless studies have shown that even the best of them cannot compete with real life activities and human interaction.
And not only have we filled their eyes with screens that disconnect them from mental and physical development, but we have simultaneously created an environment where they never need be bored, where they always have something to consume. This means that they also don't have the quiet time in their head to process their thoughts and build the strategies required to deal with the discomfort that they might find there from time to time. Instead, they can avoid the voices in their heads, by filling their heads with meaningless noise.
It is child abuse.
If a parent forced a child to overeat, or to smoke cigarettes that stunted their physical growth, it would be considered abuse. If a parent denied nutrition to their child, it would be considered abuse. Yet, it is okay to deny children the environment they need to grow healthy mentally, physically and emotionally, and then punish them for not turning out better once they reach adulthood.
Parents can justify their poor behaviors all they want, they can feel triggered when their methods get questioned, but if they truly gave a shit about their children, they would be curious enough to actually question their own methods, and engaged enough to put in an honest attempt to improve where they can. People demand that animals in zoos have an enriched environment so they can play, yet many of the same people sit their kids in front of a screen as if they are parenting.
I feel sorry for the many young adults and children who are obviously struggling with their mental, physical and emotional health, because they largely didn't do this to themselves. It was inflicted upon them by a culture and society that has decided that financial reward is more important than human wellbeing. But, regardless of the damage done to any of during our childhoods, we have to recognize that our experience is individual, and we are the ones that will suffer our illnesses, isolation, disconnection, and irrelevancy.
And at that point, we have a decision to make.
Are we going to do something to help ourselves, or keep avoiding the solutions?
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
The whole society values are upside down. Kids know how to play with their parents cellphones even before they learn how to talk. Just because it is way easier to hand them the addictive "entertainment" screen than spending time with them passing all our love and learnings whatever the learnings are.
Today I watched a very sensible ad on youtube..It was from the EU comming elections. It showed old EU citizens explaining to their grand children not to give democracy for granted as it can fly away in days as it did in 1940 with WWII or just a couple of years ago in Ukraine.
We do not realize how screwed ecerything is untill we run into a real issue, and even then, all we do is go to the psicologist expecting to get a quick recipe.
While in Portugal, getting to know my old local neighbours I think a lot how different kids get raised today than our generation did several decades ago. Even though Its not my home town and most of the village inhabitants are older than me. I feel way closer to them than I do to my neighbours in my hometown.
I think perhaps a lot of people have forgotten how bad things can get, which means we are "doomed to repeat" as the quote goes. The children today are spoiled in the sense that many haven't had to face the hardships of the past, and whenever they are uncomfortable, they are able to avoid dealing with it, instead immersing themselves into entertainment.
It is a funny thing when I came to Finland - the most racist people I met were the boomers, those who never lived through the war. The least racist, were their parents, the ones who did live through the war. I think seeing sch horror makes people understand that people are more important than politics.
Some of my friends ask me
How come you have decided to purchase a property so far away?
I tell them.
When I am in Portugal, I do not give a shit about politics in my home country as I am far away in distance and I disconnect. I also do not give a shit about politics from Portugal as it is not my home country and I am far away from being willing to get involved in it.
All I care about is the locals around me, people who can give me a hand when I need it or I can help when they are in need, those I get to see every day or every once in a while when walking in town or driving in or out, because in a small village, true you lose some of your privacy, but you gain lots of love and care from your neighbors as everyone knows who you are. I am the Spaniard from Barcelona :)
My wife a has struggled with depression in the past. She probably still does today, I just don't see it because she hides it so well. I can think of many three or four times in my life that I have been truly depressed and in those instances even if you tortured me, I probably wouldn't be able to tell you what caused it. It just was. I think people attribute it to things so that they can help other people understand it, but as far as putting blame on something for it. That wouldn't even occur to me, not for "real" depression anyway.
Depression is a terrible condition, and I do think that there are some people who are more prone to it for some reason - probably genetics. However, I also think that we can set up conditions that are more likely to evoke it. It is a bit like filling a fridge with junk food, and then wondering why everyone in the house is getting fatter.
I have gone through bouts of depression. I am considered clinically depressed now and have been for a few years to the point I have medication - however, regardless of how I feel, I have the attitude that I have shit to do, so i better get on with it. It isn't pleasant.
Yeah, she is a lot like that too. I think some of it can boil down to personality. If you are a giving person you are eventually going to end up empty. Technically yes it's something you do to yourself, but saying no is so unnatural that it never occurs to you as an alternative. Despite how much it might benefit you mentally.
Excellent post: practically the first teachers of today's children is the Internet. The truth is that we are blind, we do not realize the power and control that technology has over us, we give more value, to a virtual and illusory reality. That steals our time in the real and beautiful world that surrounds us.
Perhaps the surrounding beauty is the point of technology. If we can pay attention to a screen for beauty, we don't have to see the beauty of the world get destroyed for profit - until it is too late.
I still think about that saying a lot🤔 mother knows best, I wonder if mother makes a genuine human mistake?
Mothers (and fathers) make plenty of mistakes. the biggest one today perhaps is thinking that a screen can raise their child well.
Absolutely absolutely absolutely... I said absolutely three times because it's so true and I so agree with it... There are a lot of children who didn't develop well morally because of screens
I don’t want to say parents never understand their kids but the way kids think is far different from how parents think and that’s why so many parents tend not to understand the plight of their kids…
Kids forget that parents were kids once too - they have just grown up and had more experience.
I was laughing once when someone told me that kids are coming to him to ask for advice just because he looks like an adult. Almost laughing, if I did not know the guy. He was just a big child.
By the way, check the work of Polgar, a bit of crazy guy that demonstrated that genius and achievement is matter of education, more than genetics, he had 3 girls, and liked chess, and all three reached Grandmaster rank in chess, something that defied any statistics.
Having witnessed relatives, acquaintances, and people in the news, I think most people are idiots. Seeing parents force hormone treatments to their underage kids that have permanent effects, but are against kids getting tattoos, smoking, alcohol, weed, are beyond me.
It's a bit of a toss-up for me. I wouldn't necessarily say that our parents can provide us with the ideal standard of living we desire. Rather, they do their best to provide what they believe is best for us.
Consider this angle - many parents may wish for their child to pursue a career in medicine, even if the child is more inclined towards becoming a trader. The parents may have their reasons, thinking it's for the child's ultimate benefit, while the child has different aspirations. This clash of expectations is common. No parent is flawless.