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When we become fathers and mothers, we want to try to give the best life possible for our children, whether in terms of education, leisure, life and experiences, we are always trying to pass on the best of ourselves to them and as if it were a second chance in our lives, We often try to do things differently from what our parents did to us, trying one way, to be better than them or just applying a different education.
My mother raised me in a time where there was still a lot of correction through physical means, so Hawaiian flip flops flying over my head, belts, buckets, tree branches and a vast arsenal of things were used to correct me when I made mistakes or failed to do something. something, so, my education was a mix between talking and being beaten up about these things, so for me, I try my best to just talk to my children and pass on all the teachings I have about life to them, always seeking the best for them, since that we know that life awaits you with many challenges.
Now, I certainly tend to think what if they also want to do things differently than what I think is best for them? It's challenging and scary at the same time, because I think we adults always consider what we think is correct and it's difficult to change that idea. So, what I usually say to them is that as long as they live with me and until they turn 18 (the age of majority here in Brazil), I will, in theory, speak and give my opinion on their lives, focusing on what I think is best.
UnsplashOf course, if they show me that they can think and understand what is right and wrong in life, in the middle of this process I can calmly relax my way of teaching and educating them, because if they show maturity and concern for their future, I will not I see a problem with letting them be more in charge of their own lives, because there will come a time when I will have to let the birds fly with their wings so they can grow and evolve in life, I think this is a natural cycle of life.
In matters of religion, for example, I didn't force them to follow mine, being Catholic and, in fact, they don't even follow my wife's, who is a Jehovah's Witness, because in addition to not being practitioners, I believe that this will be something they will choose in the future for them, when they begin to understand more about it. As with other decisions that may clash with mine, I think we can resolve everything with a good conversation, with them explaining their points and me explaining mine.
I decided that a little different from my mother, I want to support them in their adventures and discoveries and totally different from my father who was not present in my life after the separation with her, I want to help my children achieve a good life, with lots of knowledge, joy, love, affection and prosperity. So even if they want to go down a different path than me, and it's not a wrong path (drugs, theft, breaking laws or danger of death for them) I will definitely support them.
UnsplashOne fear I have and which is certainly controversial (I practically don't talk about this even with my wife) is what my children's sexual orientation will be like. For me, I want them to grow up and form a family made up of “man, wife and children”, just like we are today, me and my wife. If by chance they decide to follow other paths, outside of this, I hope that I can remain calm, talk and understand everything that is happening and even if I don't like it, if they show me that they are happy I want to support them, because what What I want is their happiness and as a father, I believe I have to help them achieve that.
Just remembering that I'm not prejudiced about this, I have gay and lesbian friends that I talk to and interact with calmly, but, as a father, I do have this fear that they won't follow this path that I mentioned, but I hope to have the maturity if I happen to listen and understand what what is happening and have a dignified and human reaction to them. The love I have for them is unconditional, after all, they are my greatest asset.
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Quando nos tornamos pais e mães, desejamos tentar dar a melhor vida possível para nossos filhos, seja no quesito educação, lazer, vivência e experiências, estamos sempre tentando passar o melhor de nós para eles e como se fosse uma segunda chance em nossas vidas, tentamos muitas vezes fazer as coisas diferentes do que nossos pais fizeram conosco, tentando de um jeito, ser melhores do que eles ou apenas aplicando uma educação diferente.
Minha mãe me educou em um tempo onde ainda existia muito a correção por meios físicos, então chinelas havaianas voando na minha cabeça, cintadas, baldes, galho de árvores e um vasto arsenal de coisas foram utilizadas para me corrigir quando eu errava ou deixava de fazer algo, então, minha educação foi um misto entre conversar e apanhar destas coisas, portanto, para a minha vez tento ao máximo apenas conversar com meus filhos e passar todo o ensinamento que tenho de vida para eles, buscando sempre o melhor para eles, já que sabemos que a vida os aguarda para muitos desafios.
Agora, certamente costumo pensar e se eles quiserem também fazer as coisas diferentes do que penso que seja o melhor para eles? É algo desafiador e assustador ao mesmo tempo, pois acho que nós adultos consideramos sempre o que pensamos como o correto e é difícil mudar essa ideia. Então, o que costumo dizer para eles é que enquanto eles viverem comigo e até completarem os 18 anos (maioridade aqui no Brasil), eu na teoria falarei e opinar na vida deles, direcionado para o que acho que seja o melhor.
UnsplashClaro que se eles me mostrarem que conseguem pensar e entender o que é o certo e errado na vida, no meio deste processo posso relaxar tranquilamente a minha forma de ensinar e educar eles, pois se mostrarem maturidade e a preocupação com o seu futuro, não vejo problema em deixar eles mais no comando de suas próprias vidas, até porque irá chegar um momento que terei que deixar os passarinhos voarem com suas asas para poderem crescer e evoluir na vida, penso que esse seja um ciclo natural da vida.
Em questões de religião, por exemplo, não os obriguei a seguir a minha, sendo católico e, na verdade, nem seguem o da minha esposa, que é testemunhas de jeová, pois além de não sermos praticantes, acredito que isso será algo que eles irão escolher no futuro para eles, quando começarem a entender melhor sobre isso. Assim como outras decisões que talvez forem de encontro com as minhas, penso que podemos resolver tudo com uma boa conversa, com eles expondo os pontos deles e eu os meus.
Decidi que um pouco diferente da minha mãe, eu quero apoiar eles em suas aventuras e descobertas e totalmente diferente do meu pai que não foi presente em minha vida depois da separação com ela, eu quero ajudar meus filhos a conseguirem uma vida boa, com muito conhecimento, alegria, amor, carinho e prosperidade. Então mesmo que eles queiram ir por um caminho diferente do meu, não sendo um caminho errado (drogas, roubos, infrações de leis ou perigo de morte para eles) eu com certeza irei apoiá-los.
UnsplashUm medo que tenho e que com certeza é polêmico (eu praticamente não converso isso nem com a minha esposa) é de como será a orientação sexual dos meus filhos. Por mim, desejo que eles cresçam e formem uma família constituída de “homem, mulher e filhos”, assim como somos hoje, eu com a minha esposa. Se por acaso eles decidirem seguir outros caminhos, fora disso, espero que eu consiga manter a calma, conversar e entender tudo o que está acontecendo e mesmo que eu não goste, se eles me mostrarem que estão felizes quero apoiá-los, pois o que quero é a felicidade deles e como pai, acredito que tenho que auxiliá-los a conquistar isso.
Lembrando apenas que não sou preconceituoso com isso, tenho amigos gays e lésbicas que converso e interajo tranquilamente, mas, como pai, tenho sim esse medo deles não seguirem este caminho que mencionei, mas, espero ter a maturidade caso aconteça de ouvir e entender o que está acontecendo e ter uma reação digna e humana com eles. O amor que tenho por eles é incondicional, afinal, são o meu bem maior.
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Hmmm, fine read though don't agree with your ending paragraph, it's true children will grow and choose who they want to be and work towards. The job of a parent is to ensure according to his or capabilities that a child doesn't choose something that will cause him harm as well as the society.
Having gay friends seems to be an issue to me, although I do have one and I'm thinking of how to handle this, because who knows children learn from what they see and hear and I don't want them seeing those, to be quite honest I think we need to advise people from being gay as that affects procreation and causes various health conditions.
I understand your point of view, it is really a controversial subject that I have always kept to myself. When educating my children, I always try to show them that the cool thing is to have a "standard" family (I don't like using this term, but I don't really know how to explain it) and that this is actually God's way in the Bible and everything.
They have already asked me some very complex questions, nowadays children are seeing a lot of things that they should only see when they are older, but it is difficult to control them all the time, so in these questions I always try to explain what I think is correct, for me. It is a family made up of a man, woman and their children, this is without a doubt what I hope for them and I hope they follow this path.
But it's like I said, it's a complicated and delicate subject, we have to be very calm and talk a lot to guide our children. Thank you very much for your comment and for expressing your opinion!
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This is good. if it happens, it happens right. That's the course at least you will be understanding ; ;. I think some people would just cutoff their child or ignore them TT
I think this, I love my children very much and if they follow a path that I don't think is right, I will certainly try to talk to them and understand all the points, now I will simply hate them or pretend that they don't exist on my own. of sexual orientation or something like that, I don't think I could do it, I really don't want that for our family. I just want love to speak louder to all of us!
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Great post mate! Children need this type of freedom after getting maturity. The parents like you are a great blessing from God. Yes, we should talk with our kids if they do what is hating us. We should not force them for anything. I'm also different from my parents and what to grow my children is a much better way than my parents did with me.
I really want to see my children grow and evolve, so I want to try to pass on the best to them and I don't mind if they follow a different path than mine, I have complete confidence that they can go much further than me. Until that moment comes, I will fight to talk a lot and always show them the best path, because the love I have for them is enormous.
Thanks for the comment!
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Com toda certeza o apoio e o dialogo faz toda diferença, como você disse antigamente você não tinha liberdade de dialogar, era meio que obrigatório seguir as regras
Era dessa forma mesmo, hoje consigo conversar melhor com meus filhos. Em certas coisas os tempos mudaram para melhor, existe um espaço maior para o dialogo.
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