Image by Hung Diesel from Pixabay
“All I'm saying is, Amanda, that it is definitely OK if you don't feel like the animals are saying 'bite me!' so you don't eat them, and it's also OK for you to not assume what animals are saying to people who do eat them. It's OK to be different, and it's OK if others aren't different. But there's gotta be something wrong with the diet of anyone saying 'bite me!' to your big cousin.”
Eight-year-old Gracie Trent was on speaker phone with seven-year-old Amanda Ludlow her friend next door, making sense of something totally inappropriate that someone had said to Amanda's cousin Col. H.F. Lee.
“But see, this is what I don't understand!” Amanda said. “I'm a vegetarian, not a humanitarian, so I don't understand why that man would say that to Cousin Harry! I don't think Cousin Harry eats humans either, so, I don't get it!”
“But we know the guy had to be drunk anyway, rolling up on your cousin anyway,” Gracie said. “Drunk people, being alcoholitarians, really don't know what they're doing because they aren't getting the vitamins and stuff that they need from a balanced diet.”
“Well, people need to eat more veggies, and some should just go on and become vegetarians and catch up because if they are out here rolling up on Cousin Harry especially here at home when he is looking after us, they are not safe,” Amanda said.
“Ain't it the truth,” Gracie said. “All I'm saying is, anybody rolling up on your big cousin and your grandfather are just like people rolling up on my dad, my Uncle Major, and my Pop-Pop: they really need to consider staying life-a-tarians instead of coming over here and becoming beat-up-a-tarians, shot-a-tarians, broke-a-tarians, and death-a-tarians. And, truth be told, both my grandmas will do you in too if you come around here on the stupiditarian diet."
“The importance of a balanced diet,” Amanda said, “and then, maybe having your doctor check to make sure your body hasn't outgrown your brain so what happens to you isn't what happened to this poor man who wanted Cousin Harry to become a humanitarian and eat him.”
“Well, what happened?” Gracie said.
“Cousin Harry just smiled and said, 'I'm going to make you eat your words, but not in front of the little ones, because when you get home and the one million dollars you stole is not in the safe–.' When I tell you that man ran for his car like it was the Olympics or something!”
“Did he make it?”
“Nah. It's on the news now. Cousin Harry just had his police lieutenants follow him, and he led them straight to the money trying to check on whether it was still there. He's in jail right now, being an eat-his-words-a-tarian.”
“The importance of a balanced diet,” Gracie said. “Grandma is making spinach over here and I'm asking for extra today.”
“Yeah, I'm going to get some more of Cousin Maggie's olives,” Amanda said. “We gotta get these veggies and vitamins, because stupiditarianism is messing up folks' lives out here.”
I am with the girls there are a lot of stupiditarianism in the world.
!ALIVE
!LOLZ
@deeanndmathews! You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE to your account on behalf of @ myjob. (1/10)
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want, plus you can win Hive Power (2x 50 HP) and Alive Power (2x 500 AP) delegations (4 weeks), and Ecency Points (4x 50 EP), in our chat every day.
There IS! Amanda and Gracie know what is going on (and, really, most children do ... they just don't have the vocabulary)!