The knowledge of how people manipulate emotions has been a great revelation to me. It is not just about the words employed but rather it is the hidden strategies that prey on our emotions and weaknesses. I have learnt to recognize such phrases for what they actually imply, enabling me use this knowledge in my personal life.
There has always been something I noticed with the phrase, “You’re too sensitive.” When some one says that to you, it amounts to disregarding your feelings fully. One can feel as if their emotions don’t count given that manipulators are finding ways of not taking responsibility for their actions. But then I realized that my feelings are valid and the issue is not over-sensitivity but simply being human.
“I’m only doing this for your own good” is another statement loved by manipulative people. This one is especially cunning as it entails malicious activities but tries to act like they are expressing concern or love. It however makes you question your own wisdom, believing that they must be right. However, genuine concern does not inflict pain or deceive rather it offers assistance and nurtures.
Another powerful manipulation tool is the trust card “Don’t you trust me?” A friend of mine always did this to me, blaming me for doubting him. I came to realize over time that trust does not entail blind faith in everything another person does. Healthy relationships allow room for questioning and growth, instead of guilt and oppression.
This can make a person feel alone like an odd one out when he or she hears “everyone else agrees with me.” It is a tactic used by people who want you to go along with them alone while thinking that everyone else sees things differently than yourself. You should bear in mind however that even if others are in agreement, your viewpoint remains valid all the same.
Most heart-rending is the phrase, “If you really loved me, you would…” This turns love into a token for haggling and demanding things that might be beyond reason or fairness. Genuine love is not conditional; it is based on mutual respect and understanding.
Again another phrase I have heard too many times is, “I was just joking.” That’s a person’s way of saying something offensive and then avoiding taking responsibility by calling it humor. It’s not right to hide cruelty as a joke, a realization that has helped me articulate my feelings more firmly.
“You owe me” can create the sense of indebtedness and responsibility which obliges you to repay someone for their former goodness. However, true relationships are not business relationships; they’re about giving freely without expecting anything in return.
Maneuvering statements as “It is entirely your fault” can be said to be typical manipulations. They will make you wonder why and lead to the question of whether or not you are right. It, however, dawned on me that this was a way of shifting blame.
Statements that use the words “always” or “never” are too absolute and they make everyone feel inadequate. No one is perfect; these comments only aim at taking away self-assurance. I have come to realize that and it has helped me answer back firmly.
Lastly, a phrase like “I promise I’ll change” might seem hopeful but rarely happens. Real change is demonstrated through actions rather than just talking about it. In case you realize such pledges never turn into real effort then know manipulation may continue.
These experiences have taught me how to identify when I am being manipulated and take care of my emotions first. Understanding these ploys is important in shielding oneself from emotional manipulations hence promoting healthier relationships that are genuine in nature.
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