Through my journey in life, I have met a lot of wonderful people, and I feel blessed to have met them at some point in my life. Physically connecting to people is not something I am good at because my presence can be very boring. I am that guy who always has a lot to say but ends up saying little. I barely hang out, and even when I do, it's usually not everyone's favorite spot.
For different reasons, I find it hard to maintain physical friendship, which is why I have more virtual friends. So whenever life brings me someone who can cope with me, despite all of these, I am always grateful. I try as much as possible to keep them because people like that don't come to me often.
These beautiful people in my life have different personalities, and their love languages are quite different. They include giving attention, hanging out, giving gifts, and others. I sincerely love these things, but there are times when they don't sit well with me. As much as I admire every effort and thing they do to make our relationship awesome, I feel uncomfortable when they do more than I expect.
I wouldn't say it happens often because my friends and family kind of understand me very well, but there are a few who have forced me into setting boundaries at some point in our relationship. It was difficult for me to make such a decision because I respect people's feelings a lot, and hurting them is something I will never do intentionally.
A few years after secondary school, I met this girl at a cyber cafe, where I spent time just surfing the internet on weekends. Simi is smart and intelligent; we were the same age, but she was two years behind me academically. We got to know each other better and became tight buddies within a short time.
According to my family tradition, I introduced her to my family because it's important that my friend be a friend to my family. She didn't have a choice but to do the same, and somehow, both families became friends.
Valentine came that year, and Simi bought me a perfect gift. It was a blue shirt, and that's my favorite color. I didn't have a girlfriend, and it was my first Val gift ever, so I ensured that she got a gift before the day ran out. She was excited about the gift, and it made our bond stronger. Simi didn't know how much I loved wearing anything blue until she gifted me that blue shirt. Her discovery made her shower me with more blue shirts, and it was so easy for her since her mom sold clothes.
These gifts came too often and I started feeling uncomfortable. Firstly because it was becoming too much and secondly, it wasn't a good one financially for her. We were chatting one evening when I brought up the topic, and she felt offended, so I cut the discussion short.
I spoke to someone about it; hopefully there will be a way to stop her from showering me with blue shirts. I was told that Simi loves me more than I thought, and she just wants to always make me happy. Honestly, I was happy. Simi was a lifetime dose of happiness, but I didn't want anything more than friendship because I have seen best friends become enemies after they took their relationship further.
To cut a long story short, my bags had become filled with blue shirts, and I started giving them out. I gave one of the clothes to a friend that Simi knows very well, and the day she saw him put on the Polo, she wasn't happy. She withdrew from me, and I had to visit her just to know that she was fine.
She told me how hurt she was about the cloth because she didn't expect me to give out something that was meant to be a symbol of our connection. I didn't regret giving out the clothes, but I hate to see her that way. After successfully apologizing, I knew I had to make a difficult decision that would hurt her more, but it was just inevitable.
I waited till Simi visited me again and sneaked her into my bedroom just to show her how many blue shirts I had gotten from her despite giving some out. I pleaded that she stop because there is no way I wouldn't give them out if they kept coming.
At that point, she thought our friendship was going sour, but that wasn't the case. Simi always said giving me what I love is the best way she could express herself, but I had to be firm with my decision. I knew how bad she felt, but it would hurt more if I kept collecting and dashing it out.
We are still friends after a decade, and I had to withdraw to an extent when she got married in 2022. Our closeness could become a huge issue, and since I want the best for her, I took the bold step.
Contrary to a lot of people's beliefs about setting boundaries in a relationship, I think it might be healthy in some situations. I could have pretended to be happy when it was the opposite, and that wouldn't have helped our relationship at all. Opening up and making the decision might hurt, but it's temporary. I believe what will hurt more is if she keeps seeing me give out the things that meant a lot to her to people.
Some boundaries are actually healthy, and I wouldn't hesitate to set them if there was a need.
All images are mine
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STOPI agree with you. It's best you let her know how the excessive giving made you feel. Setting boundaries is very healthy.