Many of us know someone who really enjoys giving gifts and doing favors for others. For them, giving is their main way of showing love and care. While it comes from a good place in their heart, sometimes the person receiving all the gifts and favors can feel overwhelmed or even guilty. That's when setting some boundaries might be needed, even though it's difficult because you don't want to hurt their feelings.
I have a friend named Mary who is the ultimate giver. Whenever it's someone's birthday, she goes overboard buying multiple presents. For Christmas, her home looks like a gift wrapping factory exploded because she has so many thoughtful gifts for everyone in her life. If you mention needing anything at all, she insists on giving it to you or helping out. Her heart is totally in the right place, but it can be too much sometimes.
A couple years ago, I was having some money troubles after I lost my job. Mary found out and started dropping off home cooked meals and even cash to help me out. I was so grateful for her generosity, but it also made me feel incredibly guilty and like I owed her. I didn't want to be an obligation to her.
After a few weeks of this, I finally sat Mary down and explained how appreciated her kindness, but that I needed to regain my independence. I told her the gifts, while nice, were making me feel worse about my situation rather than better. It was one of the hardest conversations I've ever had because I could see how confused and hurt she looked. Giving was how Mary showed love, and here I was rejecting that love.
But Mary is also an amazing friend, and she really understood where I was coming from. She realized her generosity came with some strings attached, even if they weren't intended. From then on, she made an effort to show her care in other ways, like listening whenever I needed to talk or just being present with moral support. Our friendship grew even stronger once I set that boundary.
Setting boundaries with someone whose love language is giving can be really tough because you don't want them to think you are rejecting them as a person. But it's necessary sometimes when the giving becomes compulsive or creates unhealthy feelings. With open, honest communication and a good heart on both sides, those boundaries can be set with love, not conflict. After all, true generosity should lift someone up, not weigh them down.
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Mary truly has a kind heart. As much as she wants to give gifts, taking it slow or waiting for people to ask for help may make them feel less guilty of returning or re compensating such gifts.