We all have some regrets in our life. I know I have ton of things that I wish I had handled differently in my life but some stick out more than others. These two things that I did still haunt me to this day even though they happened over 20 or even 30 years ago. We sometimes say some pretty callous things and didn't really need to do that.
Let's start way back in time when I had my first real job as a dishwasher at a seafood restaurant. This was not a great job and to give you an idea about how long ago this was I'll tell you that the pay was $4.25 an hour, so yeah, not a great job but I was 15 at the time and the job certainly wasn't mentally taxing. You just have to get some pretty tough hands because good lord are those dishes hot when the come out of the industrial washing machine.
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The regret isn't about the job though, a lot of my friends worked there as well and it was kind of like a party that we got paid to go to. The story and the regret come from one of the older guys who worked the dishwashing ranks with us and while I do not remember his name I can still see his face. He was probably in his 50's or so and he had a scruffy beard and a soft way about him. He had worked on farms and was a simple person who didn't say much and was dedicated to his work. He was definitely more reliable than we were so eventually he ended up getting promoted to "head dishwasher" and had to do the schedule for all of us and presumably got paid more.
This was when I found out that this man couldn't read or write very well. The schedule, although understandable always had some rather egregious spelling mistakes on it and they were sometimes really funny to those of us that could read, which was all the rest of us. One day on the schedule it said the following words
Hapy Brithday to Doig
The owner of the place was named "Doug" and it was obvious that this older man was just being nice. Us, the 15-17 year old co-workers thought it was hilarious and we started to pick on the older man about this. We sang the "happy birthday song" using the "words" that the older gentleman had put on the schedule right in front of him. We laughed and the older man cracked a smile but I can see the look on his face to this day and it was one of humiliation and sadness. We were really hurting this man's feelings badly for our own amusement. In my life I wouldn't say that I have really ever been a terrible person and I don't go out of my way to hurt people's feelings but I did that day and I seriously regret it. That man could have had a world of difficult circumstances growing up that we never knew about. It's not like anyone actually wants to be illiterate and I am sure this really bothered him all of his life. He never sought revenge against any of us either and this was in a time that an adult probably wouldn't even get in trouble for hitting a 15 year old kid.
A good person would have offered to help him to learn how to read, not mock him the way that we did.
The moral of the story here is probably to just be nicer to people around you. This doesn't cost you a thing and makes the world a better place.
The second thing that sticks in my mind also involves me being rather snotty towards an adult coworker when I was a teenager
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I was working as a busboy at a rather expensive and nice ski resort restaurant when I was 17. This was actually a fantastic job for a 17 year old because I was getting $5.50 and hour and also ended up getting around $50 worth of tips even single night when we were busy. We were almost always busy because this was a very exclusive restaurant with real chefs, a sommelier, and white tablecloths. It was very likely that we were totally booked with reservations and did only two dinner services per night. It was the sort of place that if you just walked in and said "can I get a table for 2" the answer was very likely to be no.
The manager of this place was a small guy named Dave, who was very professional and had a degree in something as well as many years in the food and beverage industry. Dave was very good at his job and the place ran like clockwork. All of the staff respected him and depended on his leadership. Although Dave never got terribly chummy with the staff, which I think is smart as a manager, but every now and then when we were closing up for the night he would tell me a story or two. It turns out that Dave had a bit of an ugly past and didn't offer many details other than the fact that he was married once before and it resulted in divorce. I did not make fun of this but the next thing, which is pictured above, I did make fun of.
He showed me his Alcoholics Anonymous medallion that celebrated his 10 years of sobriety - and I would be willing to bet that although he didn't tell me this, that his divorce and the not so great things in his past could have been related to alcohol and drug abuse or addiction.
Me being a snotty 17 year old who thinks they are king of the world and wont be subjected to harm and is invincible..... I kind of dismissed the medallion as being stupid and not worthy of recognition. Little did I realize that I would actually end up struggling with alcohol myself years later and I can definitely appreciate that sort of accomplishment now. I was 17 years old at the time so Dave had stayed off the sauce for more than half of my life at that point.
Me smirking and kind of making fun of his accomplishment recovering from addiction that almost certainly did extreme harm to his life is one of the most callous things that I have ever done to someone and I never did get a chance to apologize to him for that. Years later I would visit the same resort and asked around the offices if anyone knew where Dave had relocated to or had any contact information. Unfortunately, no one had any solid leads and I was unable to find him. I truly wish I could find that man and apologize for that day. That was just so mean of me and I like to believe that I am a better person than that.
The moral of this story as I have learned the hard way is that you should never belittle something that someone else is proud of, regardless of what it is or if you even think very much of it. Everyone out there is fighting their own battles, even if you can't see them and by being just a bit nicer, we would all be much better off in all of our lives.
I hope that all of you out there are able to resolve the things in your life that are similar to the regrets that I have. Don't wait too long to tell someone you are sorry, or better yet, don't do the evil in the first place!
After reading this, so many nasty incident happened in my life flash through my mind, where I accidentally said or wrote something to hurt someone who loveD me then.
One of the nastiest email I've replied to my top ranking staff actually drove her to resign her job and stopped talking to me.
I told my own kid she was useless when I got upset by she's not doing her homework. I have apologized many times, but I don't think she's ever going to let go of that.
things said in the heat of the moment can come back to haunt us. I think as I have gotten older I really try to keep a cool head and just say nothing rather than blurt something out.
Oh man.. I can relate to the first story especially. I was also making $4.25 an hour working at a Dairy Queen as a teenager. There was a woman working there who must have been around 50ish at the time. She had feathered back hair which used to flap in the wind and we'd make jokes about it. She would always smile but you could tell she didn't like it.
I was super insensitive to people back then. I never stopped to think what a jackass I was being. She had a really strong southern accent (we were in Kentucky at the time) and use to pronounce the word "spatula" as "Spatch-ler"... One day I turned around to her and said:
Me: "Hey, can you say Spatch?"
Her: "Spatch"
me: "you"
her "you"
me: "luh"
her "luh"
me "Now say it all together: spatula"
her: "Spaaatchlerrr"
Everyone in the whole store died laughing, including the customers. She just waved her hand at me and giggled, but in hindsight I know I really embarrassed her. After that day, everyone kept calling her spatchler. I always wished I could apologize to her.
yeah, it's a shame that you have to think that you were the source of someone's pain, especially if they were kind enough to laugh it off. I have tried to find multiple people that I have wronged in the past and some of them, like the woman in your story likely is, were no longer alive.
I guess the best thing we can do is try to learn from it and not repeat the mistakes in the future.
For sure.. That's all you can really do!
This is the kind of shit that will pop into my mind late at night when I'm trying to sleep and I'll feel a pit form in my chest where it drops to my stomach and I get a rush of anxiety from the shame and cringe. Good times.
for sure. The actions that we make can sometimes last a lifetime and perhaps that is the universe's way of punishing us for the horrible things we have done.
Everybody does wrong things when they are teenagers. I fought several times when I was a teenager and punched my friends. I have never fought with someone after that period.
My Name Is Earl TV series was about the mistakes made. It was entertaining.
I'll check that show out. Thanks.
I think we all have things like that we wish we could take back. Most of the time I don't think of mine, but every now and then when I am alone with my thoughts I replay interactions or conversations. It's an endless road of "what-ifs" and it can really be a hot mess if you let it. My brother in law told me a long time ago to "run from regrets" and I think that fits really well in the times when I get in my head too much.
I have a relatively regret-free life fortunately. I don't have a "one that got away" or any horrible decision I made that ended up seriously hurting someone. I suppose in that regard the regrets I have are pretty minor. I once met a guy that had paralyzed his friend while drunk driving. That guy went to jail for a bit and has been completely sober ever since, but he has to live with that for the rest of his life.
I can't say the same thing, but luckily none of my screw ups are that significant. I know I have hurt people and I regret that. It's just the way things worked out though. I wouldn't necessarily take it back, I just might do it differently.
So you were a proper little shit head lol. We have all done things we regret but as long as we know this was wrong we have learned from it. You were young so don't feel bad as everyone has stories to tell. These days if I hear someone being rude I normally will say something or chat to them one side as there is no need for this.
I'm just surprised that some of these older folks took it from me and didn't just knock my head off. This was the 80's and beating up a minor wouldn't carry the sort of punishment that it does today.
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