Hello dear @fancybrothers :) It is good to see you here!
Right, so let's go straight to those questions shall we?
First of all, If someone lacks achievements and strong foundations in their lives how can he build confidence?
My opinion about how to deal with this is that such individual should first embark on a journey of self-discovery. Every single individual has a level of achievement on which they can build a certain degree of confidence that drives them towards greater motivations.
if you suffered from traumatic experiences all your life and lived in a discouraging environment, it will be very hard to build some self-esteem! isn’t it ??
Yes, that sort of environment promotes very little sense of belonging and that is why people who come from this sort of environment are generally insecure. Not all of them, of course. Nevertheless, while it is difficult those who find themselves in such situations to build self-esteem; it is not impossible! Even more so when they can recognize that and pursue something to take them out of that emotional sate.
Second, sometimes when I try to seek someone's approval, I became very conscious and it’s killing me! can I avoid this in the future ? are we doomed to seek some kind of approval?
I wouldn't like to see our need for approval as something we are doomed to. Because, it is, after all, because of it that we are able to form deep, long-term relationships. However, it is our approach this need that will determine a higher or lower level of inner-peace. Further, the way each of us approach this need highly depends on certain personality traits we have. For example, if you rate high, on the neuroticism trait you are more likely to be more upset and conscious about what others think of you than someone who rates low on that trait. This is something that is even further aggravated if you are an introvert. This are things that you can work on; and understanding yourself is a huge step forward to accept this emotions instead of give yourself a hard time about feeling them.
In the past, I have come across research which found that people who behave like that on social media are more likely to rate high both on the narcissist and extroversion dimensions of personality.
Look Fancybrothers, I recommend you to take this personality test, it measures the Big 5 traits, which are the most used model and more well-accepted in academic psychology. While this is not a scientific test, it offers a pretty good insight into one's own behaviour, way of thinking and seeing the world around.
I have recommended this to all my closest family members 😂
I hope this reply has satisfactorily answered your questions. If you have any further queries, please just let me know.
I wish you all the best :)
Thank you my dear @abigail-dantes for taking the time to reply my questions <3 , it was a great help, I will indeed take the test, i'm on a journey to fully comprehend myself and I will let you know if I have any question ! Have a good day
@abigail-dantes, I did the test and it was surprisingly very accurate! Now i understand a little bit more who am I, I want to be a better version of myself Do you recommend any useful source (Book/Site/ PDF ) ??
@fancybrothers, I am impressed!! What I always suggest for those, like you, who follow this through is to, first of all, pay attention to those aspects that are most extreme. For example, the dimensions which you rated either really high, or really low. Then, tackle each one of them at a time, to begin with.
Regardless of what extreme people find themselves in, I always recommend them to have a mininum knowledge of mindfulness. Just in case you are completely unfamiliar with it, if you feel like it, just take a read at this post I wrote a while back.
This is not a psychological approach per se, or much less a religious belief. It is a philosophy; or, rather, as I prefer to define, it is a life style which mostly address issues of sadness and anxiety in a very non-biased way.
Let me just say how much a respect you for doing this. If only, all young man (especially those in your field) did this; so much emotional distress could be avoided in people's lives. And, if not entirely avoided, this attitude of yours will just equip you with high levels of emotional stability and emotional well-being. What you're doing, seeking deeper levels of self-understanding, just enables you to enjoy overall psychological stability. It is the equivalent of adopting measures in order to obtain physical health.
Only that people normally forget to take care of their mental health!
There are two books that comes to mind: it is the psychology evidence based work of Kelly McGonigal's The Willpower Instinct - she is a health neuropsychologist and Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. They offer great insights into our nature.
I hope this helps :)
ps I: isn't psychology beautiful?
Do keep in touch if you need more guidance :)