To be honest I think people asking ' What are you going to win if I join ' will not join whether your answer is a lot or nothing, those who are genuinely interested don't ask this kind of question, they just go straight to the stuff that matters.
Referals can also be opt out so users are not forced to register with those links but if they do they help the person who refered them. I see referals more like a way to support someone, if you want to support your favorite youtuber you register through his link.
Many succesfull app use referals programs, but they call it "invite friends" , like uber does, it doesn't have to look scammy if you implement it properly but I see where u coming from.
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I totaly agree with you ! Airbnb/Uber/ and so many others plateform (even Amazon) use referal link / Affiliate link and it's not scammy but Steem... It's not as well known yet (but OK, we should start somewhere). The main problem is that on Steem it's like " free money coming from nowhere ". Airbnb/Uber and all theses plateforme we know / understand their business model. This is the big thing with crypto business, people are not yet ready to believe in it (already in crypto... I can't tell you how many people told me ' this is fake money' ).
For me , we need support from Steemit Inc to support promo / educating -steem in the real life and this will bring more and more people (with then, referal link). But first people need to understand where the money comes from explained by people they trust...
Like you said it's a perception issue not an affiliate program one.