Just Plain Worn Out & Time to Let Go

Those of us who "fix" and "help" are often the last to release something. Even when its broken and we should have let go, long ago.

Something in us NEEDS to repair, regift, reframe, rework, mend, help, fix, try again and upcycle. And somehow, in that process, reinforce our value as "committed", stayers and people who can be relied on. Cos we know what it is to be cast away, redundant and no longer useful.

But things, situations, relationships... they DO simply wear out and exist past their usefulness. Even become destructive and "clutter" to us, physically and emotionally. People like me? We habitually turn down that voice, cos something in us will have FAILED if we don't squeeze another year, another smile or a little more life out of something or someone.

"I can fix that dodgy zip!" I said bravely, 3 years ago. And I did. The zip worked for 6 more months, and it has needed a safety pin ever since.

Was it a special skirt? Heck no. It was a second hand give-away from my US friend, Terry, who had gained a few pounds and was leaving Thailand with a bulging over-weight bag. It was faded and worn 8 years ago when she gave it to me.

And I have worn it a lot. With running shoes, sandals and even heels a few years ago, when it wasn't looking quite so ratty. It went with everything and got softer and more comfortable, even if it didn't suit the "me" I was becoming. It saved me from making better wardrobe choices, and somehow lent a piety that a part of me needed.

Until last week. I'm driving a different truck these last weeks, as mine is in the ICU having some major engine repair. And the mechanic's old loaner truck has vinyl seats. I slid across the seat on a hot afternoon and heard my skirt tear. In about 3 places.

"Oh no, mama! Your skirt!"
Haha... my daughter can be so prudish at times. Lent me her sweater so I could finish the market shopping without offending anyone.

When I got home, I felt sad for a moment. A bit like I had been careless, maybe, and not moved slowly enough. Done something wrong, even.

And then something in me snapped. Enough!!

I grabbed the scissors, cut off the only thing worth salvaging - the 4 buttons - and dropped that rag in the bin.

After I had done it, a part of me STILL wondered if I should retrieve it and maybe re-purpose it for a floor rag?? Sweet Mother of God. We already have about 63 soft old cotton t-shirt floor rags. ENOUGH.

It is GOOD to release things when they are done. Natural. Healthy, even. Open the door to new clothes, new opportunities, new loves. But those new things are blocked by our "fix-it" mentality and our refusal to release.

When our time with something or someone has ended, we need to just let it go. With gratitude. Make that tough call, grab the scissors, make that dramatic cut and let it fall.

Last week releasing my old skirt opened something in me and I was also able to release some other things that my old-anxious-fixit-self had been holding on to.

Have I rushed out and bought a new skirt? No. Just enjoying sitting with this cosmic lesson and waiting till something 'arrives' or 'appears' that FITS and FEELS GOOD. Something that will feel soft and lovely and suit me a little better.

It feels nice to be released from the endless fixit drama.

Growing. Grateful. Open for something new.

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