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blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years ago
Student Finds Pen After Digging Through Backpack for 15 Minutes
MEMPHIS, TN – During Dr. Jennifer Fisher’s lecture on mitochondria, student Candace Anderson decided she needed to find a writing instrument. So right in the middle of the…
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blueparrotnews (25)in #cryptocurrency • 7 years ago
Teen Buys Bitcoin on Coinbase, Now Cryptocurrency Expert
TOLEDO, OH – Yesterday, 17-year-old Ethan Wright purchased 0.002 BTC on Coinbase with his debit card. “I’m predicting it’ll moon” commented Wright. “I might buy a little…
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blueparrotnews (25)in #fakenews • 7 years ago
Man Finally Gets Capri Sun Open Using Jackhammer
After attempting to open his Capri Sun juice pouch with the appended straw for 20 minutes until it bent and broke, Billy Bartle resorted to using an industrial grade demolition…
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blueparrotnews (25)in #tidepods • 7 years ago
Dangerous New Trend has Teens Washing Clothes with Mister Salty Handi-Snacks
Inspired by the Tide Pod Challenge, teens and young adults have been participating in yet another dangerous activity: washing their clothes with Mister Salty Handi-Snacks. This…
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blueparrotnews (25)in #humor • 7 years ago
Fruit Salad Remains Untouched at BBQ
PLANO, TX – Guests at “Burgers by Burglars”, a community service event where local felons serve hamburgers to young children and their families, reported that while the patties…
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blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years ago
Waffle House Open During Nuclear War
NORTH CAROLINA – The 24-hour breakfast food chain Waffle House has decided not to close its doors during the latest nuclear war between Russia and the United States. When asked…
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blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years ago
Man Writes Inspiring Facebook Post about Getting off Facebook
SILVERLAKE, CA – A man by the name of Alex Clapper has written an awe-inspiring post on his Facebook wall about how people are addicted to the internet and need to focus on the…
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blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years ago
Earth Quarantined from Rest of Universe
MILKY WAY GALAXY – In a unanimous decision among the other planets, Earth will be placed in isolation from the rest of the Solar System. “Earth has had an infestation problem…
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blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years ago
Bernie Spotted at Library Browsing Craigslist Free Section
BURLINGTON, VT – On a trip to check out The Maple Syrup Museum, Vermontian Mariah Bennington was unexpectedly struck with disbelief when she found her Senator on the library…
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blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years ago
Opium Poppy Sad Its Tears Are Illegal
GOSTAN VALLEY, AF – Earlier this week, Polly the Opium Poppy was crying sappy tears about how she couldn’t immigrate to America because the opium in her tears are a controlled…
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blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years ago
Cat Unimpressed With New Dry Food
PORTLAND, OR – On the morning of January 18, 2017, Graham Cracker the cat rose from his slumber and did his usual morning walk to the food bowl. However, this was anything but a…
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blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years ago
Math Teacher Unsure What to Do With 57 Plus 14 Watermelons
ABBEVILLE, LA – Early Monday morning, 3rd grade math teacher Patrick McCooley loaded up his car with 71 watermelons. “I was writing a word problem for an upcoming test, so I…
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blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years ago
Research Suggests Brussels Sprouts Still Gross
BRUSSELS, BE – New research findings from Katholieke Universiteit Leuven suggest that Brussels Sprouts are still gross. The data also shows an inverse correlation between…
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blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years ago
Veterinarians Desperately Try to Revive Burger at Annual Office BBQ
OMAHA, NE – In an unexpected and unfortunate turn of events, the veterinarians from Greenwood Vet Clinic were confronted with a very ill patient at their annual BBQ. Lead…
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blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years ago
Study Finds Happy Meal Toy More Nutritious than Happy Meal
CAMBRIDGE, MA – Researchers at Harvard University have concluded that the toy included in a McDonald’s Happy Meal is the most nutritionally dense part of the meal. Christopher…
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blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years ago
Macbook Pro 2017 to Have Chip Reader as Only Input
CUPERTINO, CA – The controversial decision to remove everything useful on the 2016 Macbook Pro has continued with the 2017 update. Leaked documents by an Apple insider appear to…
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blueparrotnews (25)in #introduceyourself • 7 years ago
This is Blue Parrot News!
Hi! Blue Parrot News is a satirical news website kind of like The Onion, except with a parrot. You can find our latest posts here on Steemit, at blueparrotnews.com , or at…
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