I’ll never forget the first insult the internet threw at me in response to one of my videos.
“Her earlobes are uneven!”
This was actually funny, and let’s be real, my lobes are probably asymmetrical (or at least look that way, especially I tilt my head to one side when I’m ranting in proper valley girl form).
But I had no idea what would come my way as I produced more videos, which focus on controversial topics that tend to offend adherents to both left-wing and right-wing dogma. Here are some highlights from over the years that include attacks on my appearance and voice, weird sexual comments, assaults on my intelligence, and urgings to kill myself (real talk: I procrastinated gathering these for days because of how much anxiety it gives me to scroll my comments).
Here are some attacks on my appearance and the sound of my voice:
(The above comment was left on a rap response video I made after Eminem’s anti-Trump performance.)
Here are some weird sexual and sexist comments:
Here are couple urging me to off myself, including one from a Jew who is racist against other Jews:
And here are some showing how confused the collective internet can truly be (I’m a super Jew according to one commenter but a neo-Nazi working for Satan, according to another). There’s also some classic internet anti-semitism:
Others assume my political beliefs, making conjectures with no basis in reality (had the commenters watched a fraction of my videos, they’d see their assumptions were wrong ¯_(ツ)_/¯):
This is just a small sampling (I tried to find the classic and recurring line about how I should go to the Middle East and get raped/stoned/beheaded for wearing a tank top so I learn to appreciate America, but my tolerance maxed out at 45 minutes of scrolling!)
Receiving comments, emails, and private messages like these used to really throw me off. I’m sure many of you can relate to the common human tendency to instinctively disregard 99 instances of positive feedback because of one insult. That being said, my ratio of mean comments tends to be a little higher than that.
I’ve been rather traumatized by the internet, but before I go any further, I want to make it clear that this in no way compares to real-world struggles like living in or participating in a war zone, being abused by police officers, experiencing hate-motivated violence (or any kind of unprovoked violence), childhood trauma, or any wide variety of the many difficult situations we endure in the course of the human experience.
I choose to put myself out there on the internet (though when I first started I never stopped to consider reactions — I had something to say so I said it), and I’m willing to accept the consequences of being repeatedly berated and insulted.
There’s something to be said for toughening up and learning that not everyone on this planet is going to be sweet to me. That being said, my friends and family are sincerely scared when they scroll my public posts. “I worry about you when you post your videos, you were just always such a sensitive little girl,” my dad told me once, and my mom insists on reading the comments no matter how many times I advise her it’s a terrible idea. “Oh my god, Carey!” is usually what my friends say when they look at the engagement on my public pages.
I’ve learned to take steps to lessen the anxiety I feel when checking the interactions on my public pages. I meditate for at least ten minutes every morning before I check notifications or scroll comments, and for the most part, I try to avoid them altogether. It’s just not worth it to me.
Enter Steemit.
I joined less than two weeks ago, but as with other platforms, I’ve found myself scared to read the comments. Just as on Youtube and Facebook, I feel my heart tighten up and my pulse increase when I see the number of responses to my posts rising. I cautiously click myself into the comments prepared to face people who are coming at me in battle mode.
But much to my surprise, Steemit is nothing like these other platforms.
As @aggroed, @kennyskitchen, and other awesome people on Steemit have explained to me, there’s actually an incentive to be nice. If you’re rude for the sake of being rude or are needlessly insulting, you will likely be flagged and, as a result, lose money. Apparently, not many people want to take that risk.
The most remarkable thing about this isn’t that I’m protected in a bubble with only people who agree with me. I’ve seen comments that do disagree with my opinions, but they’re civil. Sometimes people are civil on Facebook when they think my views are incorrect or misguided, but such calm communication amid conflicting views is often the exception rather than the norm.
Regardless, in my view, these types of respectful interactions are vital to establishing a truly free society. We can adhere to the non-aggression principle all we want (and we should), but without basic human decency and kindness, it’s difficult to find happiness and connection, which I believe are absolutely vital for harmony and a working, voluntary society.
While some factions of our current paradigm may advocate passing laws enforced through violence to stop online bullying (amounting to bullying to stop bullying), Steemit is proving to be a perfect example why we don’t need the State – or centralized forms of communication. Where Facebook and Youtube effectively censor content through algorithms and place people in echo chambers, Steemit provides total freedom. Where Facebook and Youtube often serve as platforms for condescension, anger, and contempt, Steemit offers an elevated forum to discuss ideas (I also do want to note that there are many kind and supportive people on these other platforms, too, but there are far more trolls and hatred than I’m finding here).
This discussion of ideas is what drives humanity forward, and being able to do so in a friendly, intellectual manner ultimately — at least to me — represents an activation of the heart and a path towards healing., both internally and externally.
In my first Steemit-exclusive piece (besides my intro), I linked to meditations by Robert Strock, an LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) who has developed a therapy practice called Humanistic Spirituality. In one of his writings, he discusses the importance of tone of voice and how being mindful of how we express ourselves can help foster healthier and more compassionate communication. Though in this post I’m discussing interactions on the internet where we can’t “hear” tone, I still think his observations are still highly relevant:
“As a result of bringing awareness to our own tones, we can often anticipate not only what tone we are likely to receive. We can also see how we interact with others. In this way, we can avoid knee jerk reactions and we can guide ourselves to our hearts instead of our defensive tones.
“When we are not blind-sided by someone’s lecturing attitude, instead of withdrawing, we can stay more engaged. Instead of being aggressive, we can guide ourselves to a calmer tone. This doesn’t mean we won’t have an internal reaction. We might very well have the same reactions for years to come, but through “pre-meditation,” (anticipating ahead of time), we can learn to contain these reactions by focusing our attention on the qualities we want to energize in our hearts. We might focus on being more calm, courageous, patient or whatever else is most needed. Remember that this containment is not the same as suppression or lack of authenticity. Accepting these reactions instead of dumping them on someone else gives us a chance to harmlessly be with our true reactions while we respond with our hearts.“
My path in promoting peace and freedom has evolved over the six-and-a-half years I’ve been putting content on the internet. Whereas I started (understandably) angry at all the violence and exploitation in the world, I’ve undergone — and continue to undergo — a very steep learning curve when it comes to having empathy and compassion for others. I’m personally not ready (or experienced or zen enough) to effectively communicate every message I want to in a universally calm tone, though I’ve gotten exponentially better at taming my reactivity in comments sections. Sometimes, especially in my videos, I get worked up. War, police brutality, corruption, and injustice spark very visceral reactions in me, and sometimes I do feel it’s necessary to share that raw emotion with my audience.
But my own process of inner-healing, coupled with an amazing platform like Steemit, is teaching me the power of understanding and acknowledging where others are coming from. As it seems the whole country and world are stuck screaming at each other while digging in their heels, Steemit is proving not only that it’s possible to be voluntarily civil, but that it’s actually profitable — not just in cryptocurrency and its ability to disrupt power structures, but in the wealth of human connection built into it.
In conclusion, THANK YOU ALL for your amazingly kind welcome to this revolutionary platform. I look forward to becoming ever-more involved in the community and engaging with all of you more as I grow my presence here.
I’ll leave you with one last mean comment and how being nice elicited a different response (in retrospect, I think I could have even be less reactive!):
My Links:
Steemit: https://steemit.com/@careywedler
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/CareyWedler
Anti-Media: http://theantimedia.org/author/careyw1/
Youtube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCs84giQmEVI8NXXg78Fvk2g
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/careywedler
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CareyWedler/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/careywedler
Steemit: https://steemit.com/@careywedler
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/CareyWedler
Anti-Media: http://theantimedia.org/author/careyw1/
Youtube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCs84giQmEVI8NXXg78Fvk2g
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/careywedler
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CareyWedler/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/careywedler
Carey, your post really moved me and touched my heart. I'm so glad that you found your way over here to Steemit so that your voice can be heard louder than ever and without being abused by trolls and haters. Congratulations on finding a safe haven for your ideas!
I subscribed to you on Steemit recently. I can't think of a single mean thing to say about you. Those people are nuts! Keep fighting.
Despite being one of the most profound inventions in human history, the internet can really suck big time in so many ways. I wish you nothing but peace and happiness. :)
I hope you come to call this place home Carey. It's pretty remarkable.
I still find it bizarre that monetization of content has such a positive outcome. From the start, it is only a fraction of a penny. It might be the crowd that came here and started developing the community, but I think it is the system itself. We will find out as it grows!
Either way we will not be robbed by the likes of Zuck. Steem on!
What you expressed here I also expressed in a steemians comment section. Out there in the real world racist, tribalists and other negative people are always afraid to express their warped views because of the consequences they have to face. But on the internet people just get away with everything. That's not real life. In real life you are rewarded for being a model individual and punished for being a deviant-directly or indirectly at least. The internet is raising monsters and suppressing people who should shine. It is teaching them that they need negative qualities to be successful in the world. This is wrong. Whenever I have said this, people have interpreted it to mean that that I hate freedom of speech. But this is very far from the truth.
I am happy that steemit is teaching us all a better way to live. We are not just looking out for each other because we are good people but because It is rewarding to do so. Good behaviour should be rewarded not punished. You are welcome to steemit, Carey.
Here's a comment for you Carey: You're amazing. What you have to say is intriguing and thought-provoking. You are a rising voice to be heard in the Truth movement. Positive thoughts to you ... Thanks for sharing this article and illustrating what bottom feeders are out there.
if I think the same she is great in every way and is very welcome to steemit
I do not understand how someone can mess with a girl like this, she is perfect is beautiful, pleasant and intelligent and has a very out of the ordinary thought, but above all that insult of unequal ears ??? what the hell hahaha but if this girl is a natural beauty!
LOSERS WHO HATE THEMSELVES BUT COWARDS SO CANNOT KILL THEMSELVES SO THEY TAKE FRUSTRATION OUT ON THIS GIRL
I have come to realize that patient and consistency are the key to success. There is a platform for everyone. I will follow you here to here what you have to say. Steemit rules though still in beta stage.
I agree. Steemit is helping me to heal as well. When you first start out in the media, you don't realize how painful the words of strangers can be until someone decides to anonymously email you to tear you down over something you wrote. You develop a thicker skin, but the wounds still stack up.
We're glad you're here, Carey.
Carey welcome to Steem! While the comments tend to be more kind here than on YouTube, when we stay long enough we are likely to get some of the same also! That said, Steem has a strong sense of community that seems to be founded more on love than anywhere else I have seen online!
Part of success is being able to efficiently ignore noise.
You've inspired me to write a short piece. I hope this helps;
https://steemit.com/success/@jaguarpawmu/the-three-reflections-of-the-road-to-success
Haters are a real thing. But so are Lovers.
It says you identify as Jewish. Why? It's an evil cult.
http://steemit.com/life/@r0achtheunsavory/the-r0ach-report-32-on-the-jewish-question
yesss evil cult.
I have had similar experiences on other forums and I think the reason things here is different is twofold, at first I thought it was just the monetary incentive that only rewards niceness but that is not the only factor, the other factor is anonymity. Other places people can hide their comment history, here nothing is hidden. People act a lot different in such circumstances.
Sorry about the haters.
I thing today steemit is best for the freedom community.....
thanks for the sharing activity
carry on dear
Glad to hear you are enjoying Steemit. Welcome to the new Social Media Paradigm. We are one big family here <3
I'm new to the Steemit community also and as I read some of the blogs I'm finding too that the discourse is much less aggressive than other forums. In today's world there is so much to debate but it can be done in a thoughtful and respectful manner. I look forward to reading and listening to your blogs here.
Since you posted this I decided to go look at the comments on your channel and was quickly reminded why I never read comments on youtube lol
I totally agree with what you about Steemit - it's a refreshing place to be. Still, I can't help laughing at some of those moronic comments, especially when I re-adjust the personal pronouns in my mind so that the comments are actually directed back at the people who made them. Because I think that subconsciously these sad trolls really are referring to themselves in their jibes. Their utterances certainly don't come from a place of self love!
Indeed, Steemit a special atmosphere of kindness, respect and assistance. Unlike other social platforms where many seek to assert themselves by insulting other people. A world at peace. At least I do not see such aggression and the desire for the humiliation of others.
Welcome to steemit. Forget about the past. Post quality content here and enjoy the real life here.
Dont let them get you. You are beautifull !
Keep your chin up and don´t listen to the haters.
Welcome to Steemit, and may it be a totally different experience here. Check out my page for daily freestyle raps. Didn't do todays yet, but heres yesterdays;
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=k9zbFmU4qgA
You've impressed your page with Facebook
you write Arabic
It's great to be able to interact online the same way we will behave in the real world. Like humans who have manners and respect opinions. I never understood why trolls are willing to say such horrible things online, but never will be able to hold the same comment to your face. Steemit is for respectful, intelligent people, and those who decide to disrespect the ecosystem realize they have to learn and adjust. I appreciate your candid blog, and I hope this platform shows you the much needed kindness.
There! I said it :P
Also, welcome to the best community evar!!! :)
I have noticed that most people who challenge the status quo end up being crucified...martyred..
Seams we like to elevate people to watch them fall,tear them down. Kinda sad.
@careywedler I was thinking just the other day about how Steemit was the only corner of the internet where it DIDN'T seem like there were 10 different groups all screaming at each other and calling one another names. Enforced niceness or not, it's nice to see actual constructive criticism without resorting to calling anyone a racist.
Welcome to Steemit. There are a lot of good and bad people everywhere on every platform. As a fellow conservative female, I've also experienced quite a bit of hatred and person attacks from the left when I espouse a viewpoint that they don't like or agree with. Also, if the worse thing that anyone can think of to accuse you of is uneven earlobes, I think you're in pretty good shape :)
Welcome @careywedler, I'm glad you found Steemit. And it's good that you are getting such amazing responses. You seem like you definitely deserve it :) I think Steemit really takes care of the unnecessary Trolls but also encourages people to be Truthful. But Truthful in a decent way and not any type of vulgar way ( which it totally unnecessary) Again welcome, and I also want thank @aggroed for resteeming this as you ending up being in my Feed because of that :)
I think that all the negativity should make you feel more empowered. it feeds your creativity. I feel that some just fear what is different, and those that are not able to change their minds are unable to change the world.
I didn't read whole post. But what I read made me clear that you are beautiful and those jerks laughing at you mean nothing to this world. They will realize it one day. Ignore them. That's the best way to be healthy and move towards your goal and do whatever you love to do.
I'm glad you're enjoying Steemit. I've had a similar experience with Steemit insofar as civility goes. I much prefer the lower tension levels here than at other social media forums.
I have reviewed the comments you pasted here and I've seen the same profane, often vulgar comments from others in the circles that I follow. But I have learned to not just consider the source, I've learned to assign a different value to those comments altogether. I see it as a sort of programming exercise.
In the same way that we train ourselves to be motivated by money, we can train ourselves to be motivated or demotivated by input from others. So when someone explodes on my posts with profanities and insults in the comments section on my posts, I don't take it personally. I don't shoot back with the same. I demur, I parry, I try to find common ground if at all possible. I remind myself that civil discourse is not about scoring points, it's about making a point and seeing if there is some correspondence.
Since that time (the experiment is over), I've noticed that I have next to zero inclination to participate in discourse with people who think that they can win a debate with insults. That's an unreasonable and untenable position, so why bother?
Instead, I go where the love is. I can find enjoyable discourse here, on Steemit, with far greater ease. I also like that the money makes people polite. That means everyone is a customer. And he customer is always right.
Anyway, that's probably more than you wanted to know, but this topic has been on my mind so much lately, that I saw your post as a good opportunity to write a nice rough draft of my thoughts.
Have a great time here. Keep the posts coming and don't take anything personally. :)
Good to see you join the community, Carey! There's likely something to be said about the different human energies that pervade the mainstream social media platforms. Perhaps it's the mainstream wherein the darkness resides. In any case the responsibility resides with us as individuals to overcome and simply move forward, back into the natural and voluntaristic state in which all things must reside.
“In order to change an existing paradigm you do not struggle to try and change the problematic model. You create a new model and make the old one obsolete.” -R. Buckminster Fuller
As the proverb goes, "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar." There's definitely something to be said about being cordial with others. Being perpetually nice to someone regardless of how they're treating you speaks about how you feel about yourself more than how you feel about someone putting you down. If you're confident in yourself, you're less likely to be affected by the rants of others against you. If you're less confident, it's likely that you'll feel the need to lash back.
Anyway, being nice to others (as well as yourself) should be everyone's first priority. I'm not saying that we need to all hold hands and sing Kumbaya together, but at least be civil and live by the old Kindergarten rule: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
There are ways to disagree with others without telling them that they are idiots and wrong. If you can figure out how to do that, you will be able to educate and influence others who may otherwise be less informed. Although, some people just can't be taught or spoken to because they're not willing to accept any thoughts other than their own. In those cases, you just need to "Inception" their minds :)
Stay positive, be happy, be you!
Well I followed you because I like much of what I've seen so far and want to see what else you got for us in future posts. It's perfectly ok to disagree with someone, but a disagreement needs to be well founded, rather than a simple insult, to be constructive or have any value for anyone reading the exchange. I hope Steemit continues to be a friendly place where respectful exchanges can take place for all. Greetings!
It's amazing the things people will say online which they would not dare to say in person. I have experienced it myself and it's not fun. I can so relate to you having to meditate before you check your comments....maybe also stand back from the monitor and look with binoculars? haha
Totally agree Carey. I've been very impressed with the Steemit community. In fact, I find that I for now, for the first time, feel ok about calling it a community. It's not that we just want people who only agree with everything we say, but that we can have a real discussion about it and everyone can still walk away friendly even if we disagree. A true platform for civil discussion with an opportunity to learn. Quite refreshing to me.
I remember enjoying your youtube videos a few years back. Glad to see you on Steemit!
Wow, nearly got a headache reading those comments: a couple of thoughts:
People who insult online (this may a be cliche but - ) are rare to confront, and have very little real power, despite how big they true to project themselves. People are always willing to throw rocks from a distance, but shrivel away in person.
"stuck screaming at each other "
Many people are powerless. They can't have friends ( I wonder why no one would want to be friends with an explosive person?), so they browse social media and get into arguments.
They can't talk to other gender, so they stay inside and launch attacks when they fill powerless.
I always have to maintain genuine pity for people who capable of such comments, as it is tragic that there heart is in the wrong place. I used to have a lot of anger, and would make extreme and violent jokes, but that's because I was powerless and afraid, not because I had any real strength.
Keep your head up, and even if I or anyone else happens disagree with everything you say, I'm positive we can express it in a way that is genuine and civilized.
Take care, and thanks for opening about this.
hmm.nice posf
@originalworks
Hi @careywedler,
I'm grateful for this post.
I recently shut down all my social media accounts because of one person. She was bent on cyber stalking me on all the platforms I was on and leaving mean comments.. It was hurtful and hard to go through.
And, i'm sorry about the comments that people left you too.
I'm grateful for this post because it is like a "release" that will help me move on as well.
Welcome to Steemit. I'm new here too and I will be sure to follow along in your writing journey.
@careywedler
I'm sorry to interrupt here but you're nominated for the challenge of giving your best smile
https://steemit.com/bestsmilechallenge/@networker5/reto-dame-tu-mejor-sonrisa-dia-2
I with you, peace and freedom. What you have shared here is both vulnerable and uplifting. Thanks for what you do!
nice I am very happy about your suggestion
thank for your post sister @careywedler
truly extraordinary
Your ideas and thoughts