If you know me a one bit you know I’m somewhat control freak. Of my own life of course. Couldn’t care a dime about others. The worst thing for me is when there is nothing I can do about how things are. The absolutely worst punish there is for me when I’m kept in ignorance. Waiting is ignorance for me. Waiting something to hold on, something concrete, something I can start make plans on, the base.
I’ve waited that base the past week. Waiting makes me cranky, so there is also reason why haven’t I being posting, nobody likes me when I’m cranky, I myself the least. I’ve waited to get contract which includes the details of my future. Before that I can’t do anything. Just some mild ”maybe”-kind of plans like
@eveuncovered will you adopt my plants for a while if I don’t get apartment immediately?
Tho, that is high risk, even more than this whole idiotic plan to move to Helsinki. She will never gonna give them back to me…
I think I have ranted about control before, not sure was it in Steemit or just in the everyday conversation with Eve, this is something I rant a quite a bit about. But having control is important for me. No matter what. I don’t ever what to lose it. That is also a reason why I don’t drink that much and I have past out only once during my life, that was a wake up call for me. I hated the feeling not knowing what had happened, what had I said or done. After that one time in year 2008 I haven’t had a blank spot in my memory and I hope there never will be.
For me control is also taking responsibility of your own actions. I just can’t get my head around the thoughts like ”go with the flow” or ”In God we trust, he will decide my faith”. NO. Only I can make the decisions and only I can be blamed about those decisions. For me there is no higher power than me doing stuff. Of course there might be some luck involved but that has nothing to do with the decisions.
The universe can unlock some doors for you, but you have to make the decision if you will enter or not.
Taking an opportunity isn’t something that can be taken for granted. Life gives constantly opportunity’s but it takes some character to actually walk through that door. In both good and bad. I’ve made some really drastic decisions in my life, so this isn’t really the first time nor new to me. I know what it takes, my inner circle knows what it takes. Not like they enjoy from it though…
Every ”stupid” decision I have ever made has turn out to be best time of my life so far. Yes, it is stressful. Yes, it cuts people out of your life. Yes, it is a bit stupid and it definitely is risky, but it also forces you to grow as a person. That is something that ”going with the flow” or ”in God we trust” doesn’t do.
Possibilities
The biggest reason for me to move and mess my life yet again isn’t really the job I got. That is only excuse I needed to make this everything happen. Something I can say to people when they get all nosy and ask why am I going through this again. It is so much easier than come up reasons why did I need better possibilities in my life. I got better job offer and TA DAA everyone is fine with that reason. It makes sense. If I started to ramble about I needed to have possibilities and felt like I was suffocating and how I need to grow as a person - people would just call to the loonie to come and get me.
Leaving a good life for reason - Just felt that needed to be done - Doesn’t make sense to people.
The universe unlocks doors, but you need to be one testing which ones opens. I get it that people can feel happy when they feel like they have conquered it all, but for me, that is hell. The generation before me, like the generation of my parents, they saw steady job, paid mortgage and summer cabin as a grand prize. Something they worked for and when they finally achieved it they considered it as a victory. Living happily their life with their dream prize. The fact that everything is done, and that I’d had learned everything to be learned horrifies me. I need to be constantly learning, constantly moving ahead. I’m not just a digital nomad in spirit. I’ve been possessed by digital gypsy.
What if my plants don't want your plants to leave? How could we be so cruel to separate them if they play so well together?
Are you really asking me can I be cruel? -Yes. Yes I can.
Yeah... that was a huge misjudgement on my part 😂
I'm disappointed in you. As a person and as a friend.
Ugh... sorry about the "go with the flow" comment in the chat, I see why you didn't like it. However, what I meant with it, was that in this particular situation where you are waiting the confirmation to arrive, you are essentially powerless of its outcome, but only in that particular aspect. It wasn't addressed as a "general rule for everything".
When you do have the power over things, like for your own life, I'm wholeheartedly in favor of taking it to your own hands – I'm doing it myself too. I have a plan, and I'm organizing it and putting the peaces together, that requires organization, it might not always happen "by itself" or "with the flow" so to speak. However, whilst making my plan coming to fruition, there is a lot I can't control: someone could steal my gear, for example, while on the road. Now, I know there are few things I can do to make it little less likely, but still, I am not in control if someone for some reason decides to grab my bag off my bike. That is an extremely unlikely scenario however, based on the little experiences I've read online. It seems that the bigger risk is with being hit by a reckless car driver than being robbed.
I will not have locked doors, I won't have the security of 4 walls most of the times (when I'm not visiting someone), but I'm ready to give the benefit of the doubt for the picture of "crazy, dangerous and ruthless" world that is presented to us by the media, society, parents or whoever else is just afraid, and trade little security for a big chunk of freedom.
It baffles me why some drastic changes would be only justifiable because of a job. As if there wouldn't be any other factor(s) than money, even though it can be part of the equation. Hm, I guess most people indeed only measure life by work, I don't know. It seems like an alien concept for me though...
Oh, you noticed that I didn't like the "go with the flow". What gave me up? :D
Money and job are reasonable causes to make drastic changes. But when you are seemingly giving up money and job for the change it doesn't make sense to people.
Plants are the least of your worries. Sell the plants to Eve. Tell her they are special plants or something. I am sure she won't read this anyway.
Change is difficult but you are not moving country but to another town. It is difficult but if you write everything down it is not that bad. Just do a checklist and voila it becomes a little easier. Don't be scared or nervous, you should be excited. We are all excited for you.
Hell no! Not gonna sell them to her.
My precious
Yeah, I'm not scared and I definitely am excited. This isn't new to me. Tho it have been like 4years when I got throught it last time. Maybe it is to other country next time... Who knows!
Who knows. Maybe you will be a huge success and buy your own restaurant.
Nope, that will never happen. If i'm gonna be a huge success i'll buy my self out of restaurant business:D
I agree that would be a smarter move.
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