" We live in a disposable culture. We get something, we use it, and when we’re done with it, we throw it away – whether it’s a hammer, a friend, or our partner. We aren’t expected to devote ourselves to anything, so we don’t practice being loyal or committing ourselves to things or to people. " -Daniel Doen Silberberg
In the throwaway society that we live in, leaving has proven to be easier than committing. We don’t want no fixing - throwing is perhaps more appealing. Keeping our options open is the new norm. Why choose one when I can choose to have it all?
The sad truth is that people enter relationships thinking in terms of “What can I get out of this?” rather than “How can I serve this person the best I can?.” It is no wonder then that when our needs aren’t being met, we take the easy way out. I can’t change you? No biggie, I’ll replace you! Just like a phone that no longer offers the right set of stimulation, we exchange our relationship for another one. And here the cycle goes - and our new relationship becomes a new ground for us to repeat our old mistakes.
I don’t love you because you are. I love you so long as you fulfill my every need. I love you because “of the way you make me feel” “because of what you bring me” you-name-it. Stop doing all of those things, and it won’t be long before the love that I have for you dissipates.
Our swipe right culture has built in us this sense of immediacy. We want -happiness -novelty -variety -entertainment - all those fleeting pleasures - and we want them now. When all these fun stuff leave the room - we lose it. Why should I fight the fight when I can fuck my boredom away with someone who will provide me with what you’ve stopped providing me with? We’re driven by our selfish desires and lose touch with the bigger picture.
Relationships aren’t meant to be all fun and games at all times. They ebb and flow. They come with pain, sacrifice, boredom, periods of disconnection and unhappiness - because that is how life goes. It’s a fallacy to believe that a new candidate will bring us back to fantasy land forever. Perhaps, during the cocaine enhancing like honeymoon phase, but sooner or later, we will find ourselves right where we left our previous partnership off.
Maybe things could be different if we’d let go of our own agenda. If we ditched this mentality of “Is this as good as it gets?” If we stopped being in it only for the good times. If we stopped putting our own needs and pleasure above it all. Life is difficult and romantic relationships are no exception to that. They are extremely complex and demand us to stop abiding by the rules of our shitty selfish ego. Do you want to be right or do you want to be at peace? (Don’t let your ego answer that one!)
I think they're disposable commodities for most guys but I think women are different.
really? how so?
women can be bad bitches too;)
I think most guys do only care about sex but I don't think women are the same way and are more into relationships and more likely to "catch feelings".
I think in general guys are about twice as bad if not 10 times as bad. lol
Unless you upvote yourself I'll probably have to upvote you later when I am very close to 100% power. This Steem price tanking sucks for me. I'm still not happy about most of my first 1,000 upvotes not counting.
You have CD's in your ears! 🤣
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Always ;) #OldSchoolCool
Isn't the duality of human kind interesting. We want to be selfless and selfish at the same time. There is a section where you wrote about the selfishness of love. The "I love you because" section. That is the problem with love and relationships. We both want to be told why people love us and feel the need to tell people why we love them. Love, or whatever it is, in it's core is an unconditional thing. Not to sound naive and dreamy, thinking of my one true love, but love is not something that comes with a because or should need a because. I have found as I have gotten a older, that I love people for the simple reason, that I do. No more, no less. I don't wish to define it beyond that. I your title and the first paragraph or so suggest, we live in a world of single serving people, thank you Tyler Durden for that line, people you meet, connect and then throw away. If that is the world I am forced to live in, then I choose not to define what it is or why I love someone or they love me because once we find the what and the why it allows us to also define the why and the how of the demise of the relationship. I am not advocating being blind, deaf and dumb in a relationship, just to let go of what we don't need to know live for now.
That was one stream of thought, so it might sound like a drunk person wrote it or someone who has no idea what they are talking about. I will take either designation with pride.
You should always take pride in the insights you write. You said it so well.
Love is at its core an unconditional thing. I believe that when it requires certain conditions - it isn’t love but merely self-interest disguised as love.
I love that you’ve grown to love the people in your life without conditions.
Sending love your way ❣️ (Lots of “love” eh:P)
I think what we call love is not really love. It is sexual desire, control, influence, insecurity, and obligation plus some other things. Real love, I mean the real stuff, is a whole different beast. I don't claim to know what that is, I just know it exists. It have felt it before but there is no definition for it. Maybe when we stop trying to define it, we will find its true definition.
Wow! I could not agree more with you on that one. As much as it’s a sad truth, it makes me happy to see that there are some people out there who see through the bs. Love isn’t love if it comes with conditions
You and i tend to see things in a similar way, what you are describing is what i have dubbed the "disposable era".
I wrote an article about it a while back entitled The Disposable Era: We are not starved for choices, we are starved for connection if you are interested in my take on it :)
Currently we see items designed and built in the 70s and 80s outlasting what is built and designed in 2015.
We have found a means by which attain monetary gain by implementing deliberate failure of products, giving them a life cycle.
Planned Obsolescence has given rise to the kind of interaction we have with many things.... disposable.
It has even been promoted in how we interact with one another, swipe left swipe right, if it isn't 'perfect' from the get go then on to the next one.
This has influenced us to devalue individuals and see them as material items, possessions which can be cast aside at the first sign of things not being to our liking.
Marketing, movies, tv, radio, social media, cultural & societal norms be all up in our ears like:
"Dont fix it, get rid of it and get a new one, another one, a better one.... dont you want more ? upgrade, supersize, treat yo self"
While we may have quantity it is quality which is lacking, until we realize the fault in this method and make considerable interventions in how we choose to interact, we are destined to repeat the same mistakes.
Much love and copious hugs in your direction :)
How great it is to read your beautiful comment💗. Thank you so much:) I just finished reading your post. It’s a shame I can’t resteem it as I would have loved to leave it on my page. The title alone resonates with me deeply!! Starved for connection. This is just pure truth 🙏🏻
Round and round we go in this cycle of self-perpetuating emptiness - as you put it so well.
I learned some very interesting things upon reading your article. The Japanese art form is amazing. We all have a lot to take and learn from something like that.
Love that our consciousness resonates in a similar way ✨ you’re awesome! Thank you for taking the time to write to me. :) xoxo