Body. Mind. Heart. Relationships.
These are the four parts that make us human and if they are not in healthy alignment, we are going to struggle. That means we have to ensure that we are taking care of ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally and socially. We need to move enough, we need to think enough, we need to process our experience effectively, and we need to build adequate relationships.
I reckon the physical is pretty obvious, because it is easy to track and just means move enough. However, it also seems to be a major challenge for many people, especially given how much information we have and how many ways there are to get exercise. I think that most of us these days don't move enough in our daily routines, often sitting for long periods behind screens both professionally and privately. Even when we know how bad it is for us, we struggle.
Our mental health is harder to evaluate and also probably difficult to deal with because it doesn't seem clear what we should do. But again, I think we are a honest with ourselves, we can probably change our behaviours to improve our condition. Increasing active learning, reducing passive consumption, spending time reflecting and writing, sleeping enough, free-thinking. Again though, intention matters in the activity.
Emotional wellbeing is a tricky one, because we have been conditioned to believe that all of our emotions are valid and should be acted upon, before we evaluate them. And because they are feelings, they always feel right in the moment and we rarely check for accuracy. We feel that our feelings are justified because we feel them, which is a very poor system of validation. So in order to improve our emotional wellbeing, we need to work out how to short-circuit or delay the response time and use the feeling as a trigger to start validation, not reaction.
Now here comes the relationships, which so many people these days discount and say that they aren't social, don't need others, or are introverted. I call bullshit. It is not that people can't be introverted, but I think that it is largely situational, where in some conditions a person holds back socially, in others they are the centre of attention. But more importantly, I believe that everyone requires relationships to be healthy, it is just that their preferences for how those relationships are structured might be different. It is like food, we all need nutrition, but how we get it differs.
I was talking about these things with my wife last night and I realised that when it comes to pretty much all of these areas, she and likely most others are making a fundamental mistake with how to improve them. It seems obvious perhaps, but I believe that most people are trying to "logic" their way into wellbeing and attempting to get their thoughts, motivations and feelings in the right spot before doing anything. Based on how we are fundamentally built, I think this is backwards.
The oldest part of our brain has been with us for a very long time, since the dinosaurs. The newest part of our brain developed only about 20 million years ago though, the prefrontal cortex. This is where we do our logical thinking, but it is pretty much impossible to convince the lizard brain to act differently through thought alone. What the lizard brain needs to learn is activity. It learns by doing, and that means that for the majority of the issues we face in those four components of who we are, we must act in order to affect them.
Thought isn't enough.
I have written several times about the process of human creation, of thought, word, action. We think an idea, we discuss with others or ourselves to develop it, we enact it. And while the idea is a type of creation, as is the development, it isn't until we make it that it comes into existence. It is the same for our human components, where we can't get tangible changes until we make them. And in my opinion, this means that the most efficient and effective way of improving our wellbeing and aligning those four quadrants, is to do.
Even if what we do isn't perfect or even close, each iteration means that we have more experience and collateral to use to improve the next attempt. And as we do this intentionally across those four sectors, we start to automatically bring ourselves into alignment, as each feeds into the others, and feeds off the others. The more we exercise these parts of us (move them), the better their condition becomes, if we are moving them in the right way.
Just like when we physically move we have to make sure we have the right form of movement, we have to do it for all things. However, the "right form" isn't overly important if starting out light and experimenting, which is what we should be doing with all four parts, especially those we are weakest in. We don't have to go hard at everything, we can ease in and adjust along the way as we start to improve our condition in that area. this won't get overnight results, but it will chip away at the rock to start to uncover the best version of ourselves - the version where we are healthy, body, mind, heart, and relationships.
As I was saying to my wife last night in regards to physical activity, unless it is intentional and consistent, it isn't going to happen. This is because we have designed so much of our life around being stationary, so we will never get enough movement through our daily routine. Similarly, we have made ourselves consumers of content, not thinkers of ideas, so our mental health suffers. And of course, our emotional health is impacted by both of those areas heavily, and enabled to be more volatile and demanding through our daily environment. And our relationships suffer, whether they be the ones we have with people close to us, strangers, or the uncountable amount of them with every facet of our life, whether it be money, class, looks, society, politics - and the list goes on.
These days, our general environment isn't built for our health and wellbeing, which means that unless we actively find ways to do the tasks that keep us healthy, we will fall into the defaults and end up imbalanced. So, the fastest way to get healthy, is to completely redesign our daily activities so that we are doing the things we need to do, by default. This isn't always possible in reality though, so what we then have to do is ensure that we are actively doing something daily across each of the four sectors. We have to intentionally move, think, validate our emotions, and interact enough.
It really isn't so hard.
Taraz
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The best company and connection I find is with my best friend, my husband, and close family. But even their company becomes wearying! AS I started your post I couldn't help but think of how mind, body and breath are foremost in yogic practice - you create connection via these vehicles and once they are in sync, everything follows. They aren't really separate - it's only when we separate them that we feel bad. And if those are in sync, connection to the others and the world becomes a little ease-ier. When I'm stressed and anxious, I just want to be alone.
For sure.
Yes!
And now look at how many stressed, anxious, depressed people there are and how disconnected they become. They can never be in alignment
I think the internet is to blame, a lot, and how we don't live in small villages with tight knit community anymore. I often long for something drastic ti happen so that we all wake up and find each other again, because we will have to, or die.
Gotta tell you that I am an introvert about 90%, my wife is about 50% / 50%. The last three days we spent quite a bit of time in a company of one of our daughter girlfriends parents. He is a very wealthy business owner with 39 restaurants under his ownership. And he is 100% extrovert. While we did a lot of fun stuff together my wife told me this morning that it is so nice to not talk to anyone today. She even included me in that 😀
:D
Totally understandable. We all have our styles right? My wife would collapse after a day of that kind of social activity.
That is a great view :)
I would probably become a loon after all that social interaction.
Me too, and I am pretty social.
I find that mental movement and physical movement go hand in hand, but maybe that's just how I'm wired.
I like to keep my mind fresh by going for walks every day, by just walking around in the nature I don't only feel myself releaved physically but also mentally and emotionally. It's my "reset" button for the day.
I usually go for walks after I get home from work and early in the mornings on the weekends.
I think we are all wired that way. It might not always be possible to do both, but our wiring would like to.
Design your life so you get what you need, right?
Too tired, can't be bothered, will do it later (read: never) XD
Sometimes even when it is clear it's still difficult to deal with. With physical health "everyone" knows that exercising is good so no one will fault anyone for playing sports or going to the gym or for their daily neighbourhood strolls or hiking or whatever even if it's not their preferred. With mental stuff there's a lot more getting stuck in stupid mindsets like this thing works for me therefore it should work for everyone and if it doesn't they must be doing something wrong, or I don't consider this a problem therefore no one should and if they do it's their fault.
Some people go over the top and try to pretend they have no emotions whatsoever and that everything they do is logical and rational, and other people don't want to ever have to control their emotions for any reason because tantrums feel so good and carthatic and you can self-soothe by pretending that if people can't accept you at your worst then they don't deserve you at your best. I find both types insufferable x_x
Erm akshully no you're right obviously I just remember reading somewhere how if you think hard enough about specific exercises you apparently start subconsciously doing a very soft version of them (or at least when I was analysing it that's what I started doing and I only noticed because I was analysing it) so you get some benefit maybe but obviously that's not going to be anywhere near as good as actually just doing it XD
And the "exercises" are not as clear. Though I reckon that there are a lot of overlapping basics that will work for 95% of people to get started. From there, it is just trial and error to adjust.
Repression is not management. There is the book thinking fast and slow. There should be another one, reacting fast and slow.
It is possible, but I would suspect that going through it visually well enough, will cause muscles to tighten and relax etc. Also, it is possible to visualise the process of something and train your body to move better when it is actually doing it. Still, I am not sure how well one would have to visualise in order to get a six-pack :D
Think I am making small steps in each of these areas. My weakest is most likely physical activity. Need to up my walking game and be more consistent.
Track your walking so your activity is more visible. It helps me a lot.
I am looking for a iPhone app now that will track distance and steps. Any suggestions?
I like your writing, even though I don't always comment. But now I'm participating. Yes, it's true that there are four factors in being human, body,mind, herat,and relationship. Everything must be balanced and work together. The question for me is the mind, because what someone thinks, others can't see. I often face other people to communicate, but from the body language of the person I'm talking to, it seems they aren't focused on what I'm saying. Sometimes communication doesn't connect. Another topic is that thinking alone isn't enough. Action is needed, effort is needed so that what we think becomes reality.
Thank you @tarazkp. Have a great day.
A question I asked my wife the other day in regards to this, considering she has a masters in communication - is she trying to communicate for me to understand, or for her to say what she wants to say?
True that many of us ignore the importance of aligning our physical, mental, emotional, and social health.
Many is probably closer to almost all :)
I love physical activity, like a walk before lunch. After all, every 2,000-3,000 steps gives me a pleasant dopamine rush :)
How many hits you do in a day? :)
A glass of coffee with milk, a glass of cognac, a little, that’s enough for me to be in a good mood.
Balanced energy
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Social well being is definitely the hardest one for me. I think part of the problem is that one relies on other people whereas the first three you can mainly take care of yourself. People disappoint you and let you down. It's just a fact, so trying to keep that piece healthy gets harder and harder.
ummmmmmmmmmmm.. lizard brain..
i been talking to a therapist now. i tell him something and he's like.. how does that make u feel? and i'm like, idk, never even thought about it. i guess i never even scratch that emotional side of life very much..