My wife is ill with a flu of some kind, like many people have been.
And when she has the flu, as expected and like most people, she can't do much. While taking it easy when sick is fine, what I find with many people I know is that most will only do what they want to do, when they want to do it. And what this means is that when there is the opportunity to do something they don't want to do but should, they don't do it. And then when they can no longer do it, they use the excuse that now they can't.
We are probably all guilty of this.
I definitely
amwas.
I still am to some degree, like "always being an addict" - but over the last few years especially, I have been trying to change my behaviours in this regard, because I have very little motivation to do anything at all since having a stroke. Something in my brain has broken in a way that motivation has just disappeared. So, if I wait until I "feel like doing it", nothing is ever going to get done. Even if I can rationally want something to happen, my brain doesn't translate that into enough motivation to inspire action.
Be inspired?
Must be nice.
The sad reality for nearly all of us is that much of what we need to do in this life isn't very inspiring. No one really wants to practice to get phenomenal at something, but to be phenomenal at something, it requires practice. Similarly, if we want to be in better physical condition, we need to eat healthily and move enough suitably. No one can eat our vitamins or go to the gym for us, and we get the results.
But what seems to happen too often is that we create barriers to action that don't necessarily exist, like being too tired after work to exercise. And sure, you might have had a hard day and feel drained, but the fact is that many people who are using this excuse not to exercise, have *desk jobs. And I have stated before, there is a big difference between mentally and physically tired. And I can guarantee that most people are eating as if they are physically tired, meaning that they are probably in an energy surplus most of the time, where we are eating more than we are burning. Hard to get into any other shape other than rounder like that.
It is not just exercise though, it is for everything. All those little odd jobs and daily tasks that require only a little bit of actual effort, but we don't want to do. Folding the clothes, putting away the dishes, taking the trash out. We wait for motivation for so much, that we end up having so many things on the "to do" list that it seems overwhelming, which is demotivating. And then something happens that stops us from even being able to do it, like getting sick, and then the tasks just pile up higher, and all the things we should do, we can't, and we feel justified. But if we did the things when we had the chance to do them, then we would be in much better shape when the inevitable real obstacles come along that get in our way.
What I observe in most people is that "motivation" becomes a barrier to action, because they keep on waiting for it in order to start. The people who are the most effective and generally also the most motivated, are those who do not wait for motivation before starting, but do what is necessary until they become motivated by the progression they are making on the task. Once they get going, they will keep on going. Once they start cleaning the garage, they will keep on cleaning. Once the cook a healthy meal, they will eat it. Once they get to the gym, they will do their exercise.
Showing up is key.
Every moment we can look at the world and see it as a chance to act. But if we keep on waiting for motivation before we look at the world and the possibilities we have, we are only going to see what we want and don't want, rather than what is possible. And when we are waiting for a feeling of motivation, what we are actually doing is waiting for something to give us the energy, rather than finding what needs to be done, starting, and creating our own energy to continue. Because once we start down the road, we do create the energy to keep going a little further, and then a little further still. At some point, the task is done, or we are well on the road to being phenomenal.
Take the chance.
The saying goes that, we don't know what we've got until its gone, and often this is seen as the loss of something we have, a partner, a thing, a skill. However, every day we are losing chances to act and eventually, the opportunity passes us by and we will never get the chance again. It seems silly to apply this to daily tasks perhaps, but taking care of the little things when the opportunity is there, means having the space for the big things when they arise.
Or tell yourself another reason why you couldn't then, and can't now.
Taraz
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If you wanted to do the thing but were having to almost physically fight with yourself to get it done I'd be like ahh executive dysfunction I feel you but it's been sounding like you don't even get that? D:
Apparently they feel the exact same to a lot of people.
And then people wonder why the people that end up doing all the unwanted little things (usually but not always the female partner) get so mad about being just expected to do them.
I guess the same can be applied to the maintenance tasks that require money too. I mean it's one thing when the money is legitimately just not there to begin with, but when you have it but you'd much rather spend it on more desirable/fun things and then it's legitimately not there when the car breaks down or needs a new tyre or you need a plumber or an electrician.
Or the slightly more odd one of having money available to do the expensive repairs but the loss aversion is so incredibly high that there is abject refusal to spend money that is RIGHT THERE FOR THIS REASON because it's not enough of an "emergency".
That's so ironic XD
Plenty of executive dysfunction. I think the issue is where the stroke occurred, as it is in my cerebellum, which is responsible for a lot of automation. It doesn't send signals through.
Yes, and we misinterpret it. A bit like giving up smoking. The withdrawal feeling for a cigarette feels like hunger, so people eat more.
Yes and yes. It annoys me when people say "I will do that" but never do.... until I have to do it.
The loss aversion one is interesting. I think I do that sometimes, where I will "suffer" a lot of work, because I don't want to pay to fix the issue :D
Your executive dysfunction might be way worse than mine, you poor soul. I hope you at least don't give yourself headaches if you have to force yourself to do stuff.
Well if you can do it and don't mind spending the time to save the money (with the possibility of learning new skills if you didn't already know how to do the thing) that's all well and good but not when it ends up like
except half the time I can't do it either >_<
I always have a headache! :D
Do you remember that website that was something like, "There, fixed it" with gaffer tape, random screws and a popsicle stick? That is what I do so I don't have to pay :D
Aaaahhhhh all the sympathies XD
LoL! I kind of vaguely remember a meme like that. Honestly I kind of like the "interesting" fixes (as long as they're safe and hold), adds character XD though there are other things where I would much, much, much prefer to hurt the wallet right now to avoid REALLY hurting it later.
Perhaps that's why so many traditions, philosophers and thinkers end up saying something similar in different words: that a person's deepest work is to find himself. Not to isolate oneself from the world, but to be able to inhabit it more clearly.
Yet look at the direction we are taking now - it is all about isolation.
At some moments one feels closeness and tranquility, and at others an intense doubt appears. Something even more contradictory can happen: one moves away so as not to hurt or to protect oneself... but at the same time one suffers because of the distance that one has created.
And then the silent question appears:what's going on with me? maybe we're going back to the caves...
I hope your wife gets feeling better soon. Influenza has been hitting a lot of people around here lately too. Mentally tired is definitely a real thing. I get that a lot since I don't move a ton at work. I know that's probably going to come back to bite me one day.
It will bite. It has bitten me for sure, which is why I am so adamant to keep pushing now. These are reminders for me too :)
It's a part of the reason I try to work out in the morning so consistently.
Routine does wonders.
What you describe is how I tend to procrastinate on the things that I don't want to do... Like taxes or preparing a house for a short term rental listing...
Things that have to be done, but are unpleasant are bad. But, having to do them when there are a hundred other things that have to be done, make them that much worse :)
This is where I think my Dad was spot on. He never waited for any motivation. His simple Fundda was to get the things done. He never rely on other and whatever is expected from him he was spot on. I think with time the mindset and attitude has changed a lot. Rather than focusing in things people were too lazy to do anything...
We should at least do what we agree to do right? People say we shouldn't live up to other's expectations, but when we make a contract, we agree with someone, their expectations are valid. There might be circumstances that change conditions, but that needs to be renegotiated and is a "breach" of contract.
I think life often throws us unexpected challenges, such as illness or unforeseen situations, and during these times we see how important it is to take action when we have the opportunity.
Yet the next opportunity to act arrives, and we are again putting off what could be done.
Hope she gets well soon, we barely realize before 2/3rd of our life passes by - but at least those who realize will finish better.
You'd think that with all the information and tech and learning we have available, we would be able to realise it sooner.
Well, that would probably be the case for our kids.
I am not so sure. A lot of the kids I interact with through my daughter, are pretty clueless.
who is dat?? she's pretty.
I don't, so I won't.
I can't, so I want. (waaant)
In the pic? My wife :)
yea.. how did u get so lucky?
Well, I'm not rich....
I got everything done on the computer this morning. I partially closed my Solana long. I bought some HBD. I opened Hive and forced myself to write one comment. I'm late for my walk, but sometimes you have to force yourself to do the right things.
Do you have to force yourself to comment? If so, maybe it isn't for you :)
I was going to put off commenting until lunchtime. But I figured I should do it now. Sometimes you have to force yourself to do something now and not put it off until later :)
Ah, fair enough. :)
Sorry to hear about your stroke. I had a similar health issue about six months ago. It takes quite a while to normalize and get back to the same level of activity. I felt like my brain was in first gear all the time.
My brain is forever in first gear now. What kind of treatment did you have to recover?
Just oral medication. I need to walk more... it's good for the body and mind.
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