I feel like I can understand where you're coming from.
at one point in my ñife Ibwas giving too much of myself to everyone I met. I was naive and young thinking EVERYONE disserved a second chance or special treatment. The cold reality was that this behavior attracted the wrong crowd.
leaches....
They suck Everything you have and still want more. Everything you do never was enough to satisfy their blackhole hearts.
I always held too much pride to ask anything from anyone. fearing that if I did I was going to be in debt to them as-well.
I was never in serious debt in terms of economics for I never had too much to give anyways. I always had just enough for food, just enough for the bills, just enough to survive. never had I enough to thrive. Something had to change.
I stopped looking at electricity, water and food as something that had to be paid at the end of every pay day. I started to look at it as a god given right and having to pay was just a theft scheme.
This started to make sense now why I couldn't thrive as I should. As anyone should. I started to read and read and read about self sustainable systems and right now, this is what I am working towards.
I don't need Hive or a Job, I just need to be self sufficient.