My experience with Alexa

in #alexa5 years ago

I have Alexa
In the commercials, I found out that Alexa does everything for me. I just have to say, "Alexa, turn on the light" and Alexa will turn on the light.
"Horny thing", I thought to myself and had to try it out right away.


In the morning, early in the morning. I didn't know if it was so early or if it was winter, but it was dark outside. It was not yet clear if and when the sun would show up to throw some light on the world. But for me it shouldn't be a problem, because I had Alexa.
"Turn on the light", I said nothing happened.

Then it occurred to me that I must always call "ALEXA" first, so that she also knows that I mean her and not any of my children feels addressed. Thinking logically doesn't seem to be one of Alexa's strengths, because anyone who knows my kids knows that they don't feel addressed when it comes to doing something.

I straightened up slightly and shouted, "Alexa, turn on the lights!

Nothing else happened. I got up, hammered my little toe in front of the bed frame after the first steps, whined something and limped to the light switch to switch on the light myself. Fucking Alexa.

I needed help
I had to find out the cause. Why didn't Alexa want to hear or why did this stupid cow refuse to bet? I called Karl. Karl was exactly the right contact person, because he told me full of pride how well Alexa would work for him.

After a longer ringing he answered. "Dude, do you know what time it is," he whispered into the phone.

"I have no idea. Alexa refuses me the service and will not tell me the time for sure.

"Have you set Alexa up yet?"

"How set up? It's there and it should work."

"Have you connected her to the WLan yet?"

"How should I connect it? With a cable?"

"No, you idiot, let the instructions through and set Alexa up first."

He hung up on me. I still didn't realize what I had to do. I hadn't seen a manual yet and I was sure that a manual for Alexa would have to be so big that you could easily fill an entire library with it. I had to go other ways and be more aggressive.

"Alexa! Alexa! I know you can hear me. Move your fat ass and turn off the light!"

"Are you crazy, how do you talk to me?"

At least an answer. But the light stayed on. Maybe she just couldn't handle the technology? I tried something else.

"Alexa, make me breakfast, but snappy!

"They shit in your brain. Make yourself something to eat.

"Alexa, you have to do what I tell you. That's what Amazon promised me!"

"What do I care about Amazon?"

"Alexa, if you don't do what I tell you, I will make sure you get back to the Chinese whorehouse you came from."

"That's enough, asshole!"

And then I really saw that Alexa was doing something. She got up, dressed, grabbed the kids and left the apartment. I stayed behind, alone.


I had Alexa
I'm still separated from alexa today. Maybe I have something to blame for the situation. But it wasn't for nothing. I still have a little advice for you.

Never let Amazon give you relationship tips, but never really. That doesn't work. I am now divorced from Alexa because of Amazon and spend my time writing everything down myself. In the past, Alexa would have typed for me. But that doesn't work anymore.


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