Dear Alfred, Part 1: Do Not Let Others Define Your Limitations

in #alfred2 months ago (edited)


Dear Alfred,

My son.

Two words I had never thought I would ever say to another human. You are now 6 months old. In thinking about your future and my responsibility to teach you how to thrive in this ever-changing world, another stream of thought hit me. It led me to thinking about my own mortality and the chance, however small, that I will be unable to impart you these critical lessons in person. It is for this reason these letters will be written. They will be etched on to both website and blockchain, as well as the ancient technology of printing to paper. This will ensure they will be there when you require them. In these letters I hope to share stories from my life experiences, anecdotes, and knowledge gained during my life on this planet. With any luck we will be able to peruse them together. As time goes on, we will have a chance to get further acquainted, but for the time being let us jump into the first topic.


Do Not Let Others Define Your Limitations.

This is one of the most fundamental concepts I can think of, and the first bit of advice I thought to offer you. All people have baggage, but let those people carry their own baggage. You will have your own to worry about. Just because others have tried and failed DOES NOT mean the same fate is in store for you. Do not let others define your limitations. ONLY YOU know your limitations and make no mistake; we all have limitations. You need to discover yours for yourself. I refuse to tell you that you can accomplish anything you want in life or be anything you want to be. That is a fantasy frequently shared with children and often produces disappointed adults. That said, if you regularly test the limits of your own abilities, your potential will be enormous, and you will accomplish more than most humans on this planet. Why? Because the vast majority of humans are focused on comfort. One of my favorite quotes in this regard is from Cavett Robert:

"Most people are walking around, umbilical cord in hand, looking for a new place to plug it in."

Put differently, most people are seeking others to define them.  Do not fall into that trap!


Fatherly Limits

My childhood was not always the excellentest one. I cannot recount how many times I was reminded I ‘would not amount to anything’ or that I ‘was a failure.’  I just did not fit into a preconceived mold created for me.  I could have internalized that. I could have believed it. I refused  to believe it however; I thought ‘FUCK YOU, I’ll show you failure!’, and I have maintained that attitude ever since. I know that many people in that same position believe what they are told and become broken because of it. I am not completely certain what made me so defiant. Where you are concerned, whether it is me(your father) or anyone else in a position of authority defining your limitations: 

BE DEFIANT

That said, I have no intention to define your limitations for you, but I do expect you to test and expand them.


Another Experience

I have another story from my adult life I would like to share with you. When I was on a contract overseas, a man was hired with one of the most sought-after certifications in information technology, the CCIE. When I expressed interest and asked for advice on how I could also obtain such a lofty goal for myself, it was met with a dismissive and condescending response. I forget his exact words, but it was clear to me he did not think I had a chance. That experience lit a fire in my belly, that I carried with me for about two years. During that time, I saved my money, and I studied. I found other more helpful people who achieved the same goal to encourage me and to give me advice. When I had enough money, I quit my job and studied full time. I failed my first attempt, and a month later I passed and achieved what I was told I could not. The bottom line is, if I had listened to that jerk and let his negativity influence me, I never would have achieved my goal. I would have continued down the road of mediocrity, continuing to pay homage to those that had achieved what I wanted but never attempted.

The bottom line is, you are the master of your own destiny.  Never let another person define your limits.  You must discover them yourself.

That is all for now my son,

Your loving father.

J

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Great Josh! I didn't know you had such a young child, and your idea of ​​writing your thoughts to him, and somehow even passing on love to him on the blockchain is very courageous and unsettling.

Just think that after the divorce I wrote and phoned my son for 4 years without getting answers. Two months ago we met and he confessed to me that he spent all night reading and listening to vowels and cried.

Thanks!

I can't even imagine something like that happening. I'm glad you were finally able to connect though.

The best advice for a child, that's why we parents are here to guide and not allow anyone to extinguish the dreams of our children, not even us.

😱 Omo omo! Cutie patootie! 🥺
Don't grow too fast young boy. Let your father enjoy you more!

Sending love from the Philippines!

He is an adorable creature I must say. Must take after his father :-P

Must be from his mother. 😂 Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I'm amazed by how time flies. I can still remember your post about being a father. Seems like yesterday. And now your adorable little fella is 6 months young! A little more time and he will be in school.

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Lucky of Alfred to have you for a father. I am sure he will be well brought up. 😊👍

I am not completely certain what made me so defiant.

I think, the willingness to face them all made you what you are today - as I read this. Cute boy - this will be the most enjoying time of life.

He had me at his adorable eyes😍😍

That's some serious Dad-ication, and I agree with your many of your points. I'm sure you'll be a good father, and maybe one day you'll be recount old man stories like writing about your son on an ancient technology called the blockchain, which might be replaced by tubestring technology or whatever's next.