Ya ever wondered wtf is it all for anyways?
Is it really that life throws us curveballs, or is it just our perception of what's not going right at this moment? Just coming back here to the Hive this evening I see how much has changed in my life. Where has the enthusienthusiasmthisasum I had just not long ago, go. Then theres the mask that I put on evetemptiness day? agonow or every dayryday. The mask of happiness, orsould I say emtiness.
I was super excited to find The Hive 3 years go. For some reason or another I just felt good here. I loved playing splinterlands. I was learning about vrypto again. I thought it was all so cool.
Then one night everything, changed. I had been using meth for sometime and so was my girlfriend. Things got way out of control and. I hurt her. To me things have chenged ever since that night. Not jusrt between her and I. But foir us individually as well. I have completely lost who I thought I thought I wS. Does that make sence?
I ihad gotten out of prison 2 years 03/23/202 prior to that night. I was sentenced to 5 yrs and did 3. Once the cuffs hit my wrist I knew I had to make changes in my life. I set some intentions and begantbefore.o manifest my fddestinyfortunateestiny. Altho, I didnt know at the time thats what I was doing. Ya see, the universe knew I needed a time out and I wwasn'tasnt gonna do it myself. so I was looking at 23 years but got the 5.
I was foprtunate to hit a yard with an excellent library. I started to read the normal shit. Like, louie Lamour, the dude that does the reacher series. All sorts of fiction books. I grew tired of that crap quite wquickly qnd decided to read non fiction and biographs. I burned through what i thought was interesting. And was just crusing the isles and i came upon a book called "Manifest Your Destiny". That sounds pretty interesting. Prolly one of the damn Tony Robbins cats. But what the hell.
So here I am reading this book and walking around the yard and Id sit and read. I thought I would have to scrap with some fools cuz I was reading. Then I sat a a bench I had no idea wasnt a "White Table" It happened to be I believe the Natives table. I appologized and said Id be on my way and they started mouithin back to me. I just walked off. Justr waiting to be socked in the back of the dome or to feel a blade go into my kidney. Nothing happened.
@ days of reading and taking notes I felt a release of something. But it was all about what I am about. Then I really got into buddhism. I could really get down with this philosophy. I statted to meditate. I was vreating my own reality. Then shit would go down on the yard and really eff with my flow.
Now is when they shipped me off to another yard, 6 hours away.
I think Ill end here and pick up again at another date. I think I need some structure, uniformity in my life right now and I think I can do that with The Hive. Some folks wnna jump on tiktoc, or FB, Insta, yall know the deal. but here I feel somethingdifferent. Maybe its a sence of being jusded by a different type of folks who only exist here, LOL. I dunno but I am in a weird place like between mania/depression/chaos. I dunno. but I wanna say some shit thats been bottled up inside me. I wanna make a release of these feelings and emotions. I need... peace.