I was a loud happy extroverted kid - up until elementary school - second grade or so things changed. Teachers no longer told my mom that I was getting in trouble for talking too much but instead I wouldn't speak at all. I always knew the answers to the questions, but I would only answer if called on. I think I realized that as a kid I was different. I think I compensated by shutting up and shutting down. Funny how shutting up and shutting down means two very different things right? Realizing later in life, that I'm on the autism spectrum, I think maybe I was just trying to do the right thing. Do what I was told. Not being different. I was trying very hard to just be normal.
The sad thing was that no amount of trying got me to a place where I could be normal and accepted. No amount of trying got me good employment. And being myself got me bullied. Even as an adult. I learned all the bad lessons of being a different kid. But maybe not, the truth is as much as adults say to children that they value differences the world really doesn't. Unless you can get up on stage and be their fucking monkey. Even as an adult you will still be harmed by people. Judged. Rejected. All of that. You will find it difficult to make friends. People will hate you for being yourself and not understanding the ways of engaging socially appropriately. Miscommunications will be constant. And people will hate you for bothering them with your misunderstandings. I use hate and I do mean it. They will HATE you. And if they realize that you are bringing out their hatred and their cruelty, they will HATE you even more because everyone wants to see themselves and good. And they will hate that you revealed that they deep down aren't.
Valuing differences and diverse perspectives is a lie told to children to make adults feel better.
I don't hate you but I do hate a lot more people since 2020 rolled around.
The fact you can communicate honestly about what you're feeling and going through makes you good to me.
Feel free to bother me with your misunderstandings as much as you like, it's cathartic to read and it's probably cathartic for you to write.
I highly value differing perspectives, yes even autist ones! 🙃
Thanks, I wrote this not knowing where to put it or if I'd put it anywhere. I used to journal years and years ago, but it felt empty. I introspect a lot and writing my thoughts just for myself was never that fulfilling or helpful.
Congratulations @thespacebetween! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)
Your next target is to reach 14000 upvotes.
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPTo support your work, I also upvoted your post!
Check out our last posts:
Support the HiveBuzz project. Vote for our proposal!