The Lord of The Thrones of Hobbity Ring Games...The players and shakers... comedyopenmic#37, no.2

in #blog6 years ago (edited)

scaled map - Copy.jpg

Alfonso was legend of middle earth (now renamed to Kentucky).
With his sharp wit, and striking good looks, he swooned women from all parts of society, both rich and poor.
His ability to do somersaults with a fish in his mouth had magical properties it now seems, and it is rumored that it lead to many a horizontal playtime, with the village idiot.
And the hottie.

Alfonso had no standards. None, nada... Zilch.
It is said that the fairer sex had no defense against Alfonso's attentions, once he had laid his big blue eyes upon them...

scaled map - Copy.jpg

He is now thought to be the father of over 2,342 offspring, and most of today's world population can be genetically traced back to 'the greatest seductor' of all time...

We will return later to some of the notable conquests of Alfonso's. The ones that changed history.

But let's see who else was influential to the events that took place..

The Elves

It has been written that :
"The Elves have their own labours and their own sorrows, and they are little concerned with the ways of hobbits, or of any other creatures upon earth."

This is total bollocks.

They were very interested in the affairs of men - and especially in Kentucky. The blue grass grew abundantly in this area, and they just loved smoking it.

While they are attributed to being almost 'superhuman', this is also a lie. They were just very confident and had pointy ears..
The one secret that the elves had, and has never been spoken of, was 'ye olde joke.'

This is where the Elven reputation of power and magic actually came from.
They, and only they, know of the funniest joke ever, ever spoken.

scaled map - Copy.jpg

The Elves were the fairest creatures ,and a far more beautiful race than Men (it was only the pointy ears that did it).

Elves had keener senses, sight and hearing than Men - this was due to the bluegrass of kentucky, more than anything.
They also ate more than any other race...
Slender and athletic, the Elves spent so much time laughing and shaking at the funniest joke ever told, that it equated to an approximate 35 mile jog, each and every day.

And it was a devastating weapon when used in war...

scaled map - Copy.jpg

Their enemies fell in droves when they heard 'Ye olde Joke' for the first time...

Legolas (He was actually called Legless because he kept falling over when smoking bluegrass)

Noted for his devastating accuracy using the bow, he deleivered 'Ye olde Joke' from a distance, tied to his arrows.
It only took one read of the message, and the foe was vanquished...

This was especially effective against the Orcs.

They were inquisitive little bastards, and just couldn't help themselves but read the message attached to the arrows...

scaled map - Copy.jpg

In part 3
The truth about Alf...(now known as Gandalf, from his nickname 'G'and'T' Alf ).
A fearsome warrior, and a total alcoholic, he had continual problems just to stay upright on his horse.
scaled map - Copy.jpg
It was commonplace before battle, to take all of Alf's alcohol off him, and then pointed him in the direction of the enemy, and simply told him 'they took it'...

move 1 - Copy (2).jpg

...coming up in part 3...
The story of The dark Lords, and the coming conflict..

Portrayed as vicious pscycho's killers, that would pretty accurate, but what is not told is how their aggression came to be their character.
Music and dancing - and beer. Before music and dancing - and beer - was banned in Mordor (previously called club Mordor), Orcs an Urakai were fun party animals....
But then it all changed....

scaled map - Copy.jpg

I nominate @abigail-dantes - again - 'cos she's nice (and possibly from Elven stock)......and @lanmower because he needs to lighten up..

Sort:  

Hi bittenapple,

Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
This will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied. (That being said, you are free to adopt any position you wish - we can recommend pantsless with beer in hand.)

Judges:

If you have any questions or queries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here

Click To Vote @ComedyOpenMic For Witness And Disrupt The Steem Blockchain With Laughter!
Support COM Banner

Thank you to @matytan for the great banner

Ahahaha, I am sorry I haven't acknowledged your nominations. It has been extra busy here in Elven stock lately (yep, I have enormous ears :P ). But, I have been having a good giggle while reading these comic pieces.

PS: I am a bit concern about Gandalf, I am thinking about refering him to a friend of mine who specializes in addiction :D

But, I have been having a good giggle while reading these comic pieces.

Comic pieces? Comic pieces?
These are the annals of the real history, uncovered !
humph!

PS: I am a bit concern about Gandalf, I am thinking about refering him to a friend of mine who specializes in addiction :D

Gandalf..?

'G' and 'T' Alf you mean.
He created addiction, when he cast a spell on Sauron on day after a particularly heavy drinking session.
He cast an addiction on him to 'have to build high towers' and then another one straight after ' an addiction to living on top of his towers, while being scared of heights at the same time'.

Never mess with 'G' and 'T' Alf, if he has a hangover...

...and unable to edit typo's because after just one post, it is no longer possible - how strange for a social platform to restrict things like....posting and commenting...mmmm....not a good growth strategy..

Elve magic is still untouchable, seeing it coming doesn't change the outcome. Ye still gon die

Congratulations @bittenapple! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

You published more than 10 posts. Your next target is to reach 20 posts.
You made more than 50 upvotes. Your next target is to reach 100 upvotes.
You received more than 50 upvotes. Your next target is to reach 100 upvotes.

Click here to view your Board of Honor
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word STOP

To support your work, I also upvoted your post!

Do not miss the last post from @steemitboard:

SteemFest³ - SteemitBoard Contest Teaser
The new Steemfest³ Award is ready!

Support SteemitBoard's project! Vote for its witness and get one more award!

Gandalf the alcoholic went the way of Merlin apparently....how tragic. We'll see if he overcomes his boozing ways in the next one I hope!! ;)