We all want to be Ali, but more often than not we find ourselves in Liston's position.
Our society is obsessed with winning.
Anyone not totally obsessed with winning is a "loser". Anyone who happens not to be winning at a given point in time is a "loser". And anyone with the audacity to imply that winning isn't everything (let alone that it is actually nothing) is the biggest loser of all.
But I've got news for you: Winning is nothing.
Before you freak out, hold your hardcore hustle-culture horses and just listen.
If you want to succeed, winning is the very last thing you should focus on.
Winning is something inevitable that happens after you've had enough quality losses. But any "quality" of loss is better than quitting. And people who are obsessed with winning usually have a bad habit of quitting (cheating is a form of quitting, but that's another article).
Everything you've ever succeeded at was precipitated by a long trail of losses. Those losses are largely "erased" from your memory, leaving a feeling that you're just "good" at something.
Babies are sad in the moment they fail, but soon forget it and move on.
Become Childlike
A prime example is one we all share: being a child.
Babies are bad at literally everything. They don't know how to walk, talk... even control their bowels. But if someone asked you if you know how to walk, talk, or control your bowels, your answer would almost certainly (hopefully) be yes. These skills are so taken for granted that we don't even think of them as skills. We notice when people can't do these things, not when they can.
As we get older something happens.
Gradually we learn that failure is something to be avoided. We learn humiliation, shame, and fear and, worse, to anticipate these these things. We learn to be hyper-aware of any situation that could lead to one of these emotional states. And so our progress through life slows. Various narratives begin to form such as "I'm not good at math" or "I'm terrible at relationships" or "I'm bad at League of Legends."
We may even give up because we don't feel we're good enough. The whole time never understanding that the need to be "good enough", to "win", is what caused us to quit in the first place.
Winning is ephemeral.
You have no control over how much you win. It's assumed that any time you can win you will. Therefore winning is never a real choice and so focusing on it has no meaning. Choosing to face losses, however, is something you do have control over.
Put 'er there, buddy! Good game.
The Lost Art of Losing
The real art is learning how to lose. Mitigating your inevitable losses so that they don't destroy you. Becoming resilient within yourself so that losing doesn't take the wind out of your sails and make you give up.
If you can learn to raise your emotional capacity for losing and to analyze your losses as valuable information instead of stuffing them into the back of your brain, nothing will be beyond you.
All great accomplishers languish in failure first. Elon Musk nearly lost everything with his third rocket. Before that, he suffered in obscurity for years taking baths at the YMCA and living off of hotdogs and oranges - which he consumed in the small office where he worked and lived. It's true that he wasn't exactly disadvantaged as a child, but he busted tail and ate a lot of failure before he saw success.
So, of course it is this part of his life we focus on, right? It is here that we look for inspiration, for lessons in how to move forward, yes?
No.
We look to him now, as a success. On a good day we focus on his nearly failing third rocket. A good lesson to be sure but hardly the most important one.
Where were all you suckers at mile 2 when I was ugly panting and getting chased by strays?!
The Last Mile
But this is the way it always is. Onlookers usually only notice you on your last mile, near the finish line. People that are willing to go at least some of the way with you are worth their weight in gold: keep them near.
And whatever you do, don't give up. Winning is something ever on the horizon. Someone who believes they have "won" once and for all has usually just given up and chosen to live in a fantasy. But each loss is something concrete, propelling you forward into your imagined future.
Value your losses. Examine them. Prepare for them. Don't rehearse them.
But do accept them. Instead of "Good Luck" or "Break a Leg", let us end this article with a new saying, one appropriate for this article:
"May you lose, and may you lose well."
Never forget: the journey is the destination.
Photos: Muhammed Ali: John Rooney (not the Neil Leifer color version - harder to find).
Baby: Photo by Kha Ruxury from Pexels
Handshake: Uncredited
Runner: Photo by RUN 4 FFWPU from Pexels