Well friends, the Nasdaq closed at a record 21,798.70 on Monday, because as we found out last week… investor math comes out to bad jobs data plus an upcoming inflation print equals “send it.” Additionally, the S&P 500 and the Dow both tagged along, at the real juice comes from chips. Case in point: Broadcom popped +3.2% and Nvidia clawed back +0.7% after its August faceplant. Amazon (+1.51%) and Microsoft (+0.65%) also floated higher, proving once again that the only thing keeping this market vertical is the Big Tech IV drip.
So what fueled today's hopium? Well, in case you missed it, Friday’s limp August jobs report gave Wall Street permission to dream of a Fed rate cut later this month… maybe even a half pointer if Jay Powell feels extra zesty.
CME FedWatch adds are now basically screaming 97% for a cut, so traders are pricing in “free money again.” In the meantime, everyone’s just refreshing CPI and PPI calendars like degens waiting for a “kelce bodybags another teammate” Parley to hit.
Meanwhile, Tesla is trying to bribe shareholders into pretending they still believe in Elon long-term with a new… checks note… $975 billion Pay Plan. Of course, Elon has made it clear we could give two sh*ts about EVs anymore… but Morgan Stanley's Adam Jones called it a “good deal,” which really just means: don't ask questions, just vote yes. Keep it in mind, Tesla Stock is still down -8.6% YTD, but rallied +15% last quarter… a.k.a, proving once again that even cult stocks need stimulus check from time to time.
Elsewhere, Fortreal dumped -11% at momentum traders realized trees don't grow in the sky (see: reality would like a word after +10% mooning on Friday ). Cinemark scored a +6% boost thanks to the Conjuring: Last Rites, which pulled in $83m and become its second-biggest horror opening ever. (AMC bagholders are seething ) Oh, and Etsy ripped +7.6% on a new CTO wire while Echoster went vertical +19% after agreeing to sell spectrum license to SpaceX for $17B in exchange for ElonBucks (aka SpaceX shares). T-Mobile, AT&T, and Verizon instantly puked ~2% each, because telecom is allergic to fun.
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