I agree with a lot of what you say, but Ive got some thoughts on perhaps why it is this way.
For starters, I think some people offer seats to others, to girls particularly, because they want to be "good" people. Its like the bible says about praying in public, "dont be like the pharisees, praying in public where everyone can see you... those type of prayers are their own reward". In the same way, making a big show of "excuse me, ma'am, would you like a seat", its like standing on a chair in a full room and saying loudly "I AM A GOOD PERSON". That type of "generosity" is actually a self-serving behaviour, intended to feed ones reputation, like those pharisees who pray to be seen praying.
Then the converse, she makes me think about the problem with most people today. In their own world, oblivious to the challenges and trials of those around her. Im reading "The Tao of Poo", and in that book it encourages us to stop being a "Backsun", which is a type of person, rushing from point A to B, always living for tomorrow, never in the now. These sorts cant help by be blind to the neighbor beside her who needs her help in the moment, why? Because, not being in the moment herself, she is blind to the difficulty of it, too busy stressing about the next thing, or equally possible and equally unfortunate, already looking to the joys the next moment might bring, blind to the potential joy in the present, such as: sharing a kind moment with a fellow bus rider, in need of a seat, and which might lead to a thoroughly enjoyable conversation.
I also like what you said about, if you're getting off at the next stop offer your seat. Some nice girl did this for me last week, she was probably 20 and Im like 40-ish, but I was struggling with a bag and a jacket and she did this. So, some girls do, do this.
Anyways, good post.
Ya!!! And I bet maybe part of it was he actually wants to be good, but he was a little too anxious for something that's really superficial and wasn't gonna make or break her day.
I feel like when they add up your score to decide how good you are, offering your seat on the bus just isn't a big deal. And the people who go out of their way like that.. maybe are trying to overcome other areas where they aren't doing a great job hehe.
Even as far as trivial and not too important things go, I like doing things like grabbing a stray grocery cart on my way into the supermarket, since it's in my path anyways and will save someone a tiny bit of work.
the seat swap is zero-sum (she gets the seat, but I don't) whereas the grocery cart is net positive (about the same for me, and a little better for someone else).
So ya, I think the seat swap is often about the spectacle of showing everyone that you're good, hehe.
I do think that some people are probably just nicely mannered and do it for genuine reasons of honoring females and it's what they were taught and feels right and stuff. (It's possible that I'm a little jaded in the sense that riding the city bus, in the US.... I don't usually feel like I want to honor anyone on it, lol.)
So I'm comfortable with my reasons for why I don't do it, but I think probably plenty of the people who do it.. are good, and have good reasons and intentions. 🤷♂️🤷♂️
I like that!!!! Yup!!
That's awesome!!
I like what you said about the shopping, net positive. That's a very reasonable way to approach this type of altruism.
I do that with trash, if I see a piece of trash and I can see a garbage bag, Ill pick it up and put it away. Im no tree hugger, but it just makes sense to me, no real skin off my back and a net positive for the world. Might be minor but I really believe its the little things that make our world better, not all at once, but step by step.
CS Lewis said its a million little things that we do and dont do each day that makes us who we are. Its not the single grand public display we made, its the day to day little things.
I think he's exactly correct.