@Centerlink Background Check No. 4 - @Gohba.handcrafts

There are many different ‘dole bludgers’ out there in Steemit world being supported by @Centerlink. This post is the next in a series of ‘background checks’ on benefit receivers.

Today we will be reviewing some suspicious activities noticed recently by the member @Gohba.handcrafts

@Gohba is a mysterious being. There are reports that this man of many talents started his young adult life as an author of perverted erotica. The following is an excerpt from one of his earliest novels:

He held his shaft in his hands
What was once strong and straight
Is now broken from over use
The new hoe he found was too loose
It's opening didn't fit like his others
He tried to make it work but to no avail.
The new hoe broke him.
Gardening is a bitch

Gohba hard at work

After finding his way into the seedy underworld of erotica, @Gohba then became a Giggilo, similiar to Deuce Biggilo, but smaller! Now male escorts are renowned for making a lot of money and therefore Gohba shouldn’t need any additional benefits from the dole. However, legend has it, Gohba was a lousy in the sack and didn’t make a lot of dosh. 100 Dogecoin was the best payout he could muster so he gave it away and headed to the big smoke in search of greener pastures…. But he couldn’t find any pastures in the big city. Gohba is 1 can short of a six pack if you get my drift.

@Gohba seen here with his brother and cousin @tomekkk

A few years later Gohba rose to fame in the country where he had moved after realising that pastures aint found in the city. Wood was his thing and he loved getting wood in his hands at every chance possible.

After growing de trees on de farm, Gohba chopped down the trees to build things. Pretty things that he liked. The first thing he made was a tree stump and he was proud!

Now the production of wooden products has been a constant stream of income for Gohba but he hasn’t declared any profits from this good little venture so we sent our team out to investigate further.

This is what they found:

Gohba is the son of a lumberjack which is why he probably loves wood! It also explains his love for erotica and the poetic verses he loves to create!

The last known picture of Gohba's father.

Gohba grew up floating logs down a river in Canada. Being outside all the time resulted in him getting a permanently sunburnt ‘redneck’. Now his Ma and Pa left Gohba one day, for no reason, to fend for himself in the woods of the Canadian wilderness. It was here that he met a family of bears who took him in and kept him warm throughout the long cold nights. Gohba became an expert fisherman and loved raw salmon. He lived with the bears for two years, until the age of 8 and did what bears did in the woods…..

At the age of 8, he wandered onto a highway and was hit by a cigarette from a passing car. He used this cigarette as a great power, producing fire making him the king of the bears.

With his new found power, Gohba became greedy. He no longer wanted to eat just fish, so he started hunting other animals. It started with moose and deer and then he settled on bears as bears tasted just like what mumma made.

After eating his bear family Gohba went looking for greater adventures. One day, whilst scavenging through a bin, Gohba found a gun. It went ‘pow, pow’ so Gohba used it to hold up the local grocery store for more cigarettes, the source of his fire-power!

CCTV footage of the Gohb's 'purchasing' his cigarettes.

He would visit the supermarket often to get the ‘durries’ but these non-bear humans were smart and captured him and caged him and sent him to the other side of the world to a place called Australia.

Once in Australia, Gohba was released into the wild where he found another type of bear to eat, Koala Bears. They tasted minty and refreshed his breath and cured his colds.

Where is Gohba today? Noone knows. Legend has it that he is still out in the wilderness, hiding in trees and jumping down on unsuspecting tourists. He is also now known as the Drop-Bear of Brisbane.

a wild drop bear-1.jpg
The last known photo of @Gohba

If you are lucky, late at night, walking through the forests of Brisbane, you might come across Gohba as he drops from a tree and tears out your spine for his next meal. It will be the first and last time you meet Gohba, but it will be an encounter that you will never forget or get to remember again.

So why is Gohba getting the dole I hear you ask?? Well he is living in Australia and doing this country a great service….. Scaring the living shits out of dumb, unsuspecting tourists one at a time.