A shocking incident of child molestation in one of the best schools of Greater Noida was reported last week. Fortunately my son left this school two years back. Still the incident shook me to the core. Everyday we keep reading and hearing about such heinous crimes against children worldwide. In this world full of criminals disguised as friends, relatives, school staff, teachers, doctors, neighbors etc how can we assure our kid's safety, is a question that keeps popping in every mother's mind. On the basis of my observation of myself as a kid, my own kids, kids around me, people around me and various situations that I have analysed, i am presenting my opinion in the form of child-safety tips.
First of all we need to accept that when one begets a child the top priority of that person becomes to " Nurture and keep the child safe". Everything else should become secondary after becoming a parent. I totally mean it. Other relationships, career, beauty, fun, everything else. Child didn't asked to be born. You chose to bring it to this world, not her so it becomes your prime duty to keep her safe. This is God's/Nature's duty assigned to you and not trying your best to fulfill it is a sin.
Secondly, one should also not be over obsessed and over protective because that can suffocate the child and hamper her over all growth. A child should be allowed to grow and develop while performing in all fields of her life.
On the basis of different cases, I have jotted down some important tips which can be followed to keep our kids safe from any potential harm:-
If the child will be taken care of at your own home:-
One of the parent should try to be home with kids during early years of her life if there is not financial crisis and the daily expenses are met easily with one salary.If basic necessities are not being easily met by one parent and both need to work then child should be left with a very very responsible and trustworthy person. Make sure that this person should qualify following points:-
#Should be a female
#Should not be depressed or having any other psychological issues.
#Should not have hateful attitude towards you.
#Should not be a careless person in general.
#Should not have a bad past record.
#Should not be a male.
#Should not be overly ambitious.
No male visitors should be visiting her in you absence and the care giver should not be allowed to leave house in you absence.
CCTV cameras should be properly installed covering all areas of house clearly.
If the child stays at a Day-Care center:-
Be very careful while choosing the day care especially if you are a first time young parent. Meet principal and staff and observe their body language. Observe the kids already staying in the day-car and try to meet and talk to their parents outside the school premises to get their feed back. You can also talk to these little ones and get their feedback too but outside school premises.
Once your child starts going to the chosen day care make sure to spend some alone quality time with her and try to know about her day and everything else that she wants to share. Remember that kids have a lot to share everyday but they need a lot of love and patience to open up. Give them some time everyday.
Check your child's body parts while bathing her and if you find any bruise or cuts or any painful are inquire about it in personal . Observe you kid's behavior. The separation anxiety is initially normal for few days but if the child is frightened every morning and seems depressed or anxious when at home then there is something wrong. This behavior indicates some issue either at home or at day care. Parents must provide peaceful and loving atmosphere to kid at home but still if the kid shows these signs then there is something wrong either at school or at day care. Talking to your child can help and then required steps can be taken.
Parents should also be careful in complying with general rules and regulations of school and day care representing themselves as cooperative parents and build up good relation with authority and staff because this rapport build up will help in easily sorting out if any issues are met in future in relation to child.
In case of any doubts of child abuse from the child-care staff necessary action should be taken. If the abuse is mild (emotional)then meet the principal and try to sort out the issue. If the abuse is severe(physical or sexual) then immediately call police and file case. Also collect some other parents for support.
If the child stays with a parent(mother):-
This is the best you can do for your child. Children are very innocent and highly vulnerable to abuse. Child feels the best in a company of their parents. After long and tiring school hours spent away from home all I wanted was my loving mother's warm hug, this is what I remember from my childhood. This applies to all the children especially the very young ones. Children don't remember the brand of clothes and toys their parents gave them but the hugs and kisses and the warmth of love they received in these early days. Sometimes kids ask for expensive toys or other things we can't afford but this should not shake our decision. There is no limit to the expensive toys and even if you earn more money and buy those for them then they will surely not stop asking for more. So as I already said, there is no limit. Instead of feeling guilty of being a housewife and not earning extra income to fulfill our kid's need we must teach them the difference between "needs" and "wants". Also we must make our kids ware of things like "budget" and "limits". Teaching these values will not only help you deal their demands in a positive way but will also help them handle finances wisely in long run.
Once you are firm in your decision of being a "happy stay at home mom" then we need to focus on some other points that we need to be careful regarding safety of our kids:-
#In case of emergency if you ever have to leave you child for long hours then leave her with someone you highly trust and talk to your child about this in advance to get any potential feed back about that person. Prefer to leave her with a mature female, preferably a close neighbour.
#Try not to leave your child overnight with a family in which there are members(especially males) which are not well known to you. Even if they are family or relatives. Take some pain and decide the best possible and safest place.
#Strictly tell kids to play in open place near your house where you and neighbors an have an eye on them and tell them to inform you if they want to visit a friend or changing their place of play.
#Strictly tell them to not go to anybody's house without informing you.
#Children should be habitual of informing you whenever they leave house even if they are going to immediate neighbor.
#While visiting a friend or relative's house for vacation take special care of your kid. One of the parent must be accompanying the kid always and if the kid is playing with friend keep an eye from distance.
#Never ever force you kid to go out, hug, kiss, sit in lap, sleep or stay alone with a male relative or friend. There must be full consent of child and she should be very happy while doing so .To be on safer side do not let your child spend any lone time with male adults or teenagers.
#Even if your child is a little baby and everyone is temped to take her in their arms, still all of the above rules apply to her. If you are worried that you offend them then you can use some lies like,"doctor has told me to keep away from everyone as there is chance of infection" and if the child is little older you can say that "she doesn't likes strangers" or "she doesn't likes males", or "she wants to sleep, feed, etc" etc etc..
If the child is school going :-
If child is a has started going to school and falls in any of the above three categories then we need to be vigilant too.
#If the child uses school transport then keep a copy of ID proof of driver and keep check of time. If there are any changes in pick or drop then inquire about it carefully with child and driver. If your child is uncomfortable, talk to her. Driver can be changed in mild issues and in severe issues contact school authorities or police whichever is suitable to the situation.
#Kids like to go to school because there they have friends. But if you kid is frightened and find excuses to not go then find the underlying reason. Among the various reasons one could be possible abuse from classmate, senior, teacher or staff.
#Talk to your kid about the problem and try to solve it if it has academic basis like child is not performing well and is scared of subject teacher.
#If some teacher is punishing your kid out of some grudge then talk to teacher and if issue is still resolved report higher authorities.
If there is a teacher who is abusive in general then talk to their parents and report together with higher authorities.
#If the issue is with senior student or a classmate then talking to principal will get it done. In severe case contact parents or police as required.
#In case of any hints of sexual abuse, carefully talk to your kid while assuring him that you trust him and and are able to protect him. Immediately stop sending kid to school and get him counselling for healing Along with this take necessary actions against the abuser. You can also talk to other parents to know if there are more abused. This will make the case stronger and abused will be punished easily.
#Before sending your kid for overnight stay at a camp or any other school outing/trip contact the concerned teachers and staff and clear all your doubts. And afterwards talk to your kids about everything he liked or disliked about the trip.
#Do not send your little boys or girl child to private tutions with male tutor who is not well known to you. Prefer home tutions or group tutions.
#You should be aware of the extra time you kids spends before and after school or tutions.
Some extra tips for all categories :-
#Provide love, care and trust to your kids and the output will be happy and confident kid who love you and trust you.
#Encourage outdoor games with rules they need to follow for their safety.
#Tell your kids that they can trust you in every situation nd tell them you will believe them always.
#Teach your kids to speak the truth and be generous and kind to everyone.
#Do not lie to your kids.
#Build a strong relationship with your partner. Kids with parents who fight find difficulty in believing that their parents are capable of protecting them do not open up with them easily.
#Try to avoid separation or divorce with partner in any case. This is how you provide emotional protection to your kid and then he grows into an emotionally and psychologically strong kid who is well capable of handling people and situations in his life in long run.
#Sort out family matters for emotional well being of your children. A depressed, anxious, sad, timid child is easy prey to abusers and manipulators.
#Do not conceive if you and your partner don't get along with each other. Become parents only when you are ready.
#If you are too career conscious and career(money and luxury) comes on the top of your list of priorities, don't conceive. Wait, till kids become your priority. No need to hurry.
#Look at you kid's face everyday, there is so much written over there, you just need to reed and you will find what he is going through.
#Every murderer, rapist and other type of criminals serving their punishment in jail are someone's father, brother, cousin, uncle, grandfather etc. Criminals/molesters/rapists don't grow on trees nor they fall from sky. Do not over trust a relative or family member with your child. Believe your child first, then other when you have to choose.
#Beware of a person(especially male) who is too fond of your child and is going extra mile to impress her or putting a lot of effort to win your trust. This could be sign of pedophilia(sexual or romantic attraction towards kids). A pedophile can be a molester/rapist too in some cases. Watch his behavior toward your child if he touches and caresses your child a lot this is a red flag. Males generally don't find kids interesting for a long span of time and easily get bored.
#Teach your child about "good touch" and "bad touch" from very early age and tell them that you have full authority over their body.This doesn't mean that everyone is a criminal but no one has a label on them
#Let you kid's play in dust, sun and water sometimes to strenthen their immune system. Let them jump and run Let them live freely and enjoy their childhood.
#Do not over pressurise to excell in academics. Encourage to do well but do not focus much on marks and ranking
#Believe in their talents and limitations and praise them for their good qualities
#Their safety and overall health(physical and mental)should be more important than their achievements and social image.
Last but not the least, let your child develop a loving relationship and service attitude towards god. A strong relationship with god provides strength and immunity from material miseries and the person also develops strong moral values and ethics hence making lives better around him.