I feel so blessed that you decided to engage in this discussion! Thank you.
A lot of this just poured out of me as well, so I tried to put a disclaimer at the beginning that I have compassion for parents, because the way our society has come up around us it makes sense that we must claim "ownership" of children and/or echoing your sentiment of, "To take responsibility for something is like owning it. We hold each other accountable for our actions because we own ourselves." That is something I honor and yet not quite what I'm getting at.
First, when I say "our standards" I should have put it in quotes, (and I am going to edit it to do so). This was directly referring to CPS, who, despite good intentions, often makes really terrible choices and destroys family bonds and confidence. There has also been good to come of it. But overall, we could do better.
In my time involved with the CPS, I witnessed foster parents who genuinely loved and nurtured each child who stepped in their home, and others who took it on as a job and neglect, especially emotional, ensued.
"So who gets to decide what constitutes neglect or abuse?"
How about the children? Are parents who spank taught to talk to their children about how it felt afterward? Are parents listening to their children? When children are raised communally, I feel they have a better chance of having outlets to express themselves to a variety of ears who will listen and confer with other caretakers.
Many parents today are exhausted. Even without children, the machine is sucking plenty of people dry. Working all day just to get by doesn't foster self-care, let alone care for another or multiple other humans. I imagine the communities where the children are cared for by all those capable, spreading out these work/joy loads amongst the many instead of putting it all on a single mother or father, which happens all too often in our current paradigm.
Because we do view children as individually (or jointly) owned, most people take on the attitude that it's "not my child, not my problem" until it's too late and the damage is done. They only feel compelled to support or do anything when they perceive abuse. And often, since they don't know the child or the parent well enough, this is only their perception of witnessing actions out of context.
This isn't the case everywhere...I happen to think we have a pretty tight community that knows how to look out for one another. You are the perfect case and point! Thanks for your support with baby Rayna!! We all feel the ripples~~~ We are heading in a good direction.
I don't need to strive for Utopia, but the village I imagine does a lot better at supporting families and children than most of our current models. As I stated here, "The villages don't have to look like the one in Brett Jones' painting. They can exist anywhere where people are willing to peacefully break down the imaginary walls and borders keeping them from knowing their neighbors, and through developing the relationships that foster the new paradigm of harmonious cocreation and sovereignty for all living creatures." That's what I believe we can do here and now to foster the wellbeing and communal support for youth. "The village" is everywhere we make it.
"So while I totally agree that in cases of clear cut, provable abuse and neglect there needs to be some form of communal response, some kind of collective care and concern for the wellbeing of children(which are our future!), I think there needs to be some kind of balance betweent that and the individual parent or family. To say that abuse and neglect shoud be allowed to continue because "well, it's her/his/their child and we're never allowed to infringe on their family" is just as folly as saying "the community standards override the individual and you're not allowed to raise your children as you see fit.""
This is the crucial paradox that arises because of the way our society functions, and in my opinion because of the children as property perception. I do believe that if humanity came to a place where all youth were viewed as their own sovereign being, and we didn't show preference to our own (a long way off) things would go a lot better for the children overall.
No, I wouldn't say that to a woman in the grocery store, especially without context to the entire piece by Gibran. I understand, and I understand why, most parents even in our tribe would be triggered and upset by me saying this. It doesn't change the vision I see. It's beyond their ego and mine.
I highly recommend reading The Kin of Ata: Are Waiting for You. It is a bit Utopian, but also really accounts for the darkness that can arise as well.
Thanks again Johnny! Let's never stop discussing it all! <3
Beautifully written! Thank you ... I'm so amazed by our community who is so willing to stand for what they believe in... and to discuss the hard things.. and to healthily disagree with each other. And this strikes me as a bit sad... why isn't this the norm for all societies! Big ups right back to you @Johnny and you @Alexis for dropping love bombs and then standing by to make sure they ripple far and wide.