It is no real secret amongst my family that I don't really show much of the Christmas spirit. I don't like the hustle and bustle of the season. I don't enjoy the crowds in malls (before COVID even).
I participate, but I am a bit detached from it all. Don't get me wrong, it isn't the whole thing. I love seeing my family and friends. I love making a great dinner. I get a chance to show off my cooking skills and make people happy with a good meal.
But as the year ends, it is unusually stressful for me. I am not sure when I lost it, but I never seemed to get back all the joy I had as a kid.
The one thing I do enjoy though is the Christmas tree itself. It isn't the presents underneath, but it is the tree itself and all the memories I can see in the ornaments we collected over the years. I have collected pretty much all of the Tim Hortons ornaments that it has become a family joke.
I can sit in our front room where the tree is with a tea, the lights and just sit back. It is the most peaceful part of the holiday for me.
I think it might be a distant memory of my youth struggling to come to the surface. Something good about the holiday that lingers. I hope to figure it out someday.
Even after the presents are gone and it is just the tree, until it comes down, it is nice to keep it lit. It feels right.