6 cool myhtological creatures you didn’t know about

in #comedy7 years ago

6 cool myhtological creatures you didn’t know about
by Mauricio Ortiz

There are many types of mythological creatures, from many parts of the world, some are cool, some are ridiculous, and some are just badass.
Maybe you know some of these, maybe you don't, maybe one of them is under your bed.

In case one day you encounter some chick who digs mythological creatures and has an encyclopedic knowledge of them, its good to know some, so you can seem like a good catch, until she realizes... Until you are in her bedroom.
And if you are that chick, get out of here, nobody likes a smart ass.

Abassy

The abaasy are demons in the mythology of the Sakha, these bad motherfuckers have iron teeth, has poisonous blood and travel in packs of seven. The abassy is a dragon like creature with a large tail.
They serve Arson-Doulai, the ruler of the dead, who also swallows people' souls and gives the living diseases. So if you have a bad case of the clap you know who to blame.
Also, the abassy have been depicted as causing sexual manifestations and madness, so I guess that explains raves.
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Fachan

The Fachan or fachin is a dwarf from the Celtic culture (Ireland) with only half a body, its appearance includes a mane of black feathers tufted at the top and a wide mouth, its suposed to be so frightening that it induces heart attacks, sort of like the first time you saw the movie shutter (the Thai horror film by Banjong Pisanthanakun and Parkpoom Wongpoom, yes I know those names, I didn't Google it... or maybe I did).
The fachan belongs to a group of creatures known as the Fuaths and is one of the athach monsters. So despite being so horrible and douchie, this little dude is pretty popular.

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Adar Llwch Gwin

According to the welsh tradition this creatures were giant birds similar to the griffin, no, not the Hogwarts house, that's Gryffindor, the names derives from the words “dust” and “wine”, these giant birds were said to understand human speech and to obey commands that were given by its master. Soo... basically it was Big Bird of sesame street thousands of years ago... that dude doesn't age.

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This creature was given to Drudwas ap tryffin by his fairy wife (better present than the socks I got for my birthday), and on one occasion, when Drudwas was about to battle the hero Arthur he commanded them to kill the first man to enter the battle, but Dundras wasn't counting that Arthur was going to be delayed, presumably he was screwing Drudwas sister and when Drudwas entered battle he was torn to pieces by his own creatures.
So kids, if you get something form this article it is that it is cool to be fashionably late to a battle if you are screwing your enemy’s sister... I guess.

Gurumapa

Gurumapa is a creature in the folklore of Nepal. Supposedly he takes away disobedient children and was banished to a field in Kathmandu, so I guess he need to “Escape from katmandu”, I’m sorry but I had to do it. Anyway. He is depicted as a giant with a terrifying face and protruding fangs.
The story of this folktale envolve rice, gambling and gold basically. Ok OK OK. I will tell it, but if you can't sleep its not my fault, blame your chronic indigestion.

The story starts with an inveterate gambler named Kesh Chandra who lived in Utem Bahal, a sacred courtyard in central Kathmandu. After he had gambled away all of his property, he went to live with his sister. (yes, the guy was an asshole) When he stole even the plate on which his lunch was served to gamble, his sister, wishing to teach him a lesson, served his rice on the floor.
Deeply hurt, Kesh Chandra gathered up the food in a handkerchief and walked a long distance to the woods outside the city. Feeling hungry, he unwrapped the rice, and found that it had turned bad and there were maggots all over. So he spread the food to dry in the sun and dozed off.
When Kesh Chandra awoke, he found that pigeons had eaten everything. He was so saddened that he broke into tears. Taking pity on him, the pigeons left their droppings which turned into gold. There was so much gold that he couldn't carry it all. As he was pondering what to do, he saw Gurumapa, a man-eating giant that lived in the forest, approaching. He had been attracted by the smell of prey.
Kesh Chandra pacified him by calling him uncle, and persuaded him to carry the gold to his home with the promise of a feast and the right to take away children if their parents called him whenever they were bad. Kesh Chandra took Gurumapa home to Itum Bahal and let him live in the attic. As the years passed, children started disappearing whenever their parents warned them that Gurumapa would come and get them.
(Note to self: buy the latest Michael Jackson album.)
The local residents then decided that it was not safe to keep Gurumapa in the neighborhood. They promised to provide him an annual feast of boiled rice and buffalo meat if he agreed to live on the field of Tinkhya (Tundikhel). And so the giant was persuaded to move out.[6] To this day, the people of the locality prepare a feast for Gurumapa and leave it on the field which is now a parade ground.

So go put rice on the floor, or I'm not responsible if the OJ Simpson of Nepal comes banging at your door at night.
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Hydra

The Lernaean hydra is the serpent-like water beast, it has many heads, and also for every head you cut, two more grow, it has poisonous breath and blood so virulent even its tracks were deadly. It lived in a cave in a swamp near the city of lerna in Argolis, for many years it terrorized the locals. So basically imagine any of the cast of Jersey Shore being normal.

You probably know this one from pop culture, but the story is pretty cool.

The one that killed this creature was Hercules, there are two versions of how this battle went down, and because I’m lazy I’m just going to tell one.
Hercules was given the task to kill the Hydra so he went to the swamp near Lake Lerna, where Hydra dwelt, so hercules covered his mouth and nose with a cloth to protect himself from the hazardous fumes. He then fired flaming arrows into the hydra’s lair, I supposed he could have just rung the bell, but Hercules was kind of an asshole. Anyway, after the Hydra came out and hercules said “Bazinga!” , he started slashing heads, but he realized two grew up everytime he slashed one (he hadn’t read this article), so he got an idea, he dipped his sword in the poisonous blood of the Hydra and started cutting heads like there was no tomorrow, after he cutted the last head he dipped his arrows in the blood of the hydra for future use... presumably by coining the phrase: "You are the Weakest Link! Goodbye!" 3000 years ago.
Adaro

This mythological creature is form the Solomon Islands in the western Pacific Ocean. And he is This mythological creature is form the Solomon islands in the western Pacific Ocean. And he is clearly related to the merman, but this dude has legs, attached to which are fins; and a larger fin, similar to a shark’s, sprouts from his head. Also legend says, he was the costume designer for Lady Gaga’s tour.

But mythology says Adaros arise from the wicked part of a person's spirit.
The Aadaro commands a huge army of flying fish, who attack anyone who enters the water. The natives describe him as flying through the air, carried by his fish army, while rocking “bicycle” by queen on his ipod. OK that last part wasn't true, but I swear legend says this next one is: When he is not carried by fish he is riding the back of a rainbow during a storm sea.
This is because Adaros live in the sun and they travel to earth in rainbows and sun showers.
The mythology part says Adaros are very dangerous creatures, but have you ever seen a rainbow? they dont look dangerous at all, they are quite nice, and also have you seen a double rainbow?... OK I'm not going to go there.
But mythology says Adaros arise from the wicked part of a person's spirit.
But, but , but have you ever seen the double rainbow video? I mean common...

A merman dude who travels by sliding on rainbows?

So there you go, the gayest mythological creature I have come across... not that there anything wrong with that.

Sources:

(http://www.mythicalcreatureslist.com/mythical-creature/Fachan , http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fachen )
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lernaean_Hydra
http://www.mythicalcreatureslist.com/mythical-creature/Hydra

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adar_Llwch_Gwin
http://encyclopedia.creepyhollows.com/article_creature_adarllwchgwin.html
[http://www.maryjones.us/ctexts/drudwas.html]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gurumapa